A Glimpse Behind the Scenes – How Birth Mothers Pick You

by | Jun 5, 2024 | Adoptive Families Blog

Many hopeful adoptive parents wonder why a birth mother chooses the parents she does. In modern adoptions, birth mothers have a variety of reasons for selecting a particular adoptive family.
At Lifetime, we’ve witnessed families being selected because they appear familiar, kind, or fun. Some birth mothers have picked their baby’s family based on their pets, residence, or hobbies. We’ve even assisted birth mothers who felt a connection to an adoptive couple because of their favorite candy! As you can see, there is no predictable reason why a birth mother might favor one family over another.
Today, we’re sharing an insider’s look at how birth mothers pick an adoptive family for their baby! Diane Schafer, our Director of Adoption Services, appeared in a Facebook Live video for Lifetime to answer some of the most frequently asked questions about this topic. Scroll to learn more!

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Diane acknowledges that the reality is that a birth mother can only select ONE adoptive family for her baby. When a birth mother realizes that there are numerous wonderful people who would make excellent parents for her child, her decision becomes even more challenging.
Lifetime’s adoption team recently celebrated Diane‘s 25th year with us! We want to take this chance to recognize Diane for her service in building families through adoption. Since 1999, she’s helped thousands of adoptive couples and birth mothers connect through open adoption.
Collaged photo of Diane with Lifetime babies over the years

How does a woman choose the adoptive family for her baby?

“Women can get info on adoptive families in several different ways,” Diane shares. “They can go on our website and they can actually view profiles of families. And there’s even videos that our families have done, where the birth mother can actually see the family talking about their life and their lifestyle and what they have to offer.”
The adoptive family videos that birth mothers can watch on Lifetime’s website share much more than what you’ll see on their online profiles. Videos allow birth mothers of all ages and backgrounds to learn about an adoptive family as quickly as possible from wherever they are on their phones.
By watching a video about an adoptive couple, the birth mother can “meet them” virtually and see how they interact with each other. Lifetime’s team provides guidance and tips as adoptive families work on this necessary part of their presentation to birth mothers.

If a woman calls in and just wants to learn more about adoption, what is Lifetime’s #1 resource for her?

So I Was Thinking Adoption book“We have a wonderful little book called So I Was Thinking About Adoption, and this book goes over the types of adoption; it talks about going into the decision-making process. It also has a little information about parenting and what to expect with that. Also, what type of adoptions and how to know if you even want an open adoption. A lot of great information about talking to adoptive parents, too, questions to ask.”
Diane continues, “We send her info and this book in a plain envelope, so no one knows what’s in it. If she doesn’t have a mailing address or doesn’t want to share it, we can email her a link to a free book download. The book is also a great resource for people who want to adopt, because it gets them in the mindset of a birth mother and the questions she has. Because sometimes, it’s hard to think of where that person is coming from both sides of the adoption triad. So, it’s really good to be able to have the information where you can consider what she’s thinking about.”
We encourage you read So I Was Thinking About Adoption too, so that you can gain insight into a birth mother’s perspective. You can download an e-Book version here.

Can a woman who says ‘I’m not sure about adoption…’ still see profiles about adoptive families?

“Definitely! Sometimes, just being able to read about the families and what they have to offer may allow something to just “click” and she thinks ‘that’s exactly what I was looking for.’”
Birth mothers and birth fathers are the heart and soul of Lifetime Adoption. These amazing women and men are placing their children for adoption out of great love despite the pain they are causing themselves. As a birth parent-focused adoption agency, we hold these parents in the highest regard. We prioritize providing them with all the support and resources they need.

When does a birth mother typically choose an adoptive family for her baby?

“Some birth mothers match as early as possible, which is 20 weeks along, while others don’t until they’re closer to eight or nine months along. The women who are contacting Lifetime are at different stages of what they want to do. Some women are unsure but would like to learn what their options are with adoption and what types of adoptions are available. Not every woman who contacts us will be following through with adoption. We want to make sure that everybody has the info they need to make the best possible choice for their baby and themselves,” Diane shares in the video below.

In her Facebook Live video appearance, Diane also answered these popular questions:

  • Why is making an adoption video so important to our birth mother presentation?
  • Do you ever get photos of birth moms considering adoption?
  • What steps does Lifetime’s team take when a birth mother initially contacts Lifetime?
  • How does Lifetime handle it when a woman says, ‘Thank you, but I decided adoption isn’t right for my baby’?
  • How do birth mothers hear about Lifetime?
  • What happens when a birth mom chooses an adoptive family but then changes her mind?
  • Do birth moms need to see that the adoptive family has the nursery all set up and ready? 

You can learn the answers to these questions and more in this video. Just click the “play” button to watch a recording of Diane’s Facebook Live session!

For more information, call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-727-493-0933 or fill out our FREE application to adopt.

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Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on October 23, 2017, and has since been updated. 

Heather Featherston

Written by Heather Featherston

As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston

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