I feel like I have become obsessed with adoption and my plans for becoming a mother. Pregnancy announcements on Facebook are hitting me much harder than usual and it is difficult to not feel envious, like it isn’t fair. I feel like I need to take a step back. Do you have any advice?
It is hard to keep a balance between being diligent waiting to adopt and obsession. You want to do all you can, yet it is unreasonable to live adoption 24/7 and stay in a healthy mental place. Here are a few tips that can help you step back, while staying active:
Take some time alone to capture your hopes and dreams. For me, I try to read a daily devotional or spend some time in the Bible and then journal my reflections. I put on music and sit in a place that brings me joy and peace. Even just 15 minutes can make a difference.
Whenever you get your mind wrapped up in what you lack, it is beneficial to take your time and talents and use them to help someone else, especially someone who has less than you do. Find a church or non-profit that has a program you can help with. Giving to others has a funny way of making us feel more thankful for what we do have, refocusing us.
Checking-In with Your Adoption Professional
Maintain your regular monthly adoption check-ins either by phone or email with your adoption coordinator, whatever is most comfortable during this time. Stay focused and positive, and ask for resources if you need them. If you have done everything to keep yourself ready to adopt, look at other things you can do, creating your short video for your web page or updating your profile.
Visit the archive of webinars to listen to positive adoption stories if you are getting the blues or feeling hopeless. Adoptions are happening, and your time will come. Staying inspired will help you stay positive and hopeful
Change Your Routine
If you have certain habits, like checking Facebook or talking to certain people, which often result in anxiety, change the habits. Sometimes it is easier to change our habit than to change our reaction. Over time, the reaction may change after the routine is broken.
Above all, stay focused on the positive outcome you are working toward. In my adoption, I worked on it diligently an hour a day, then put it away. I encourage you to stay focused in a way that benefits your emotional health and well-being. God bless!
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”