Years ago, while waiting to adopt, I recall dreading the week leading up to Mother’s Day. The day that reminded me of my losses and, in my mind, my failures as a woman. It was a day that I just wanted to put my head under my pillow and sleep away. This all changed when I adopted our son. But I remember how it felt before.
For many of us there is a hurting around Mother’s Day. We want so badly to hold our baby and to respond with a “Thank you” when wished Happy Mother’s Day at church. Instead, for years I had to decline the flower and say, “Oh, I am not a mother.” It hurts now, so many years later, just to write these words. Becoming a mother was so very important to me, and I know it is important to you. We just want to be mommies.
The good news is that if you are on the path to adopting, you will be, God is good, and He is faithful and if you could see the thousands of women that I have seen that have been where you are and where I was before adopting, you would know it is possible too.
What I have learned in working in adoption is that God has the perfect child for you, the perfect timing, and, when we trust Him and put our burden on Him, he will carry us through this difficult time of waiting and wanting.
I remember while I was waiting for my first adoption, all I saw were others with babies or with pregnant. I didn’t know why I didn’t have a baby of my own. I ached for one to call me mommy. I wondered why everyone else had a baby or was able to adopt but we were still waiting. “What was I doing wrong?” I would wonder.
The reality is that God made us unique. No two people are alike, just as no two adoptions are alike, and this is part of the timing. I find that when we start comparing one adoption or timeline to someone else’s, we are putting ourselves in a harmful position that can rob us of our faith and trust. You are unique and every adoption is as special as people are different.
It took time and praying, patience and spending time in His Word to heard His voice on what to do and not to do and when to do it. We finally adopted and have learned over the years that this child was meant for our family. Not the one who was adopted right before ours, but this child.
I also know that the pain we went through in our adoption was part of the plan God had for me to help others later, through Lifetime Adoption. It was all in His plan for our lives and has helped so many others adopt because of it.
Many people have asked what helped me during the wait? What helped me stay faithful, put aside comparisons to others, and complete my adoption with joy in the journey? One answer, God. I spent time daily in His word, pursuing Him, praying for His peace and power. I worked one hour each day on my adoption, then put it away. I lived each day joyfully – yes, I had my moments that were not joyful, but I never lost hope or confidence that if God brought me this far, He would be faithful.
Are you spending time in His Word while you faithfully work on your adoption journey each day? If not, rededicate your adoption to Him today and start anew. Daily time spent with Him will help you and give you comfort. God has the answers to all of our needs.
Trusts in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight. Prov 3:5-6
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”