This Q&A is part one in our blog series What Adoptive Parents Ask.
Adoptive parents ask: “I read about a possible birth mother on your site that would be a perfect match for us. Can you make sure she knows about us?”
ANSWER: Remember, birth mothers are also looking for the right match too. If she feels pressured toward a particular adoptive family she may not move forward with adoption at all. Let her choose you for her baby. Sometimes these common misconceptions may surface for adoptive parents: “Surely she would choose us if she only got to know us!” or “The reason we haven’t been chosen yet must be because our profiles aren’t going to these birth mothers.” It’s important to understand the process on the other side of your adoption, the birth mother’s steps, as she researches or chooses adoption for her child.
Keeping perspective about the adoption process is key. Adoptive parents go through a lot to get ready to adopt; birth mothers are assured that the adoptive parents they learn about are ready to move forward when SHE’S ready. At Lifetime, a mother researching adoption will get a selection of adoptive parent profiles of families who line up with what she’s seeking for her child; she’ll learn about adoptive families who would say yes to a match if chosen. For adoptive parents this means knowing that their profile IS going to the mothers they would consider a “perfect match” and it’s to the benefit of the entire adoption process for everyone that it’s the birth mother’s decision as to who she allows to adopt her baby. Once she chooses an adoptive family, she’ll complete a few simple steps to talk with them and decide if she’s ready to match and move the adoption matching process forward. We never delay in letting adoptive parents know that a mother is ready to match!
Be assured, as you stay ready and available, there will be a mother who sees you as the “perfect match” for her child.
Stay tuned on our blog, we’ll share part two of this series, “What Adoptive Parents Ask.”
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”