Yesterday, we shared with you part one of our series, What Adoptive Parents Ask. Here is our second part:
Adoptive parents ask: “I get that adoption today means a child’s mother has the choice in adoptive parents and I think that’s so great. What I wonder is what these women are thinking when they see our profile. How can we find out feedback from these possible birth mothers? Do they ever have negative things to say? We can take it…we just want to do what we can to make a good impression about who we are.”
ANSWER: It’s common for adoptive parents to be curious about what birth mothers are thinking when they view adoption profiles, however it’s uncommon for birth parents to provide feedback about adoptive parent profiles UNLESS it’s about the one or two families she is interesting in getting to know better. Typically the most common “feedback” from birth mothers is “I like this family, how can I talk with them?” It’s not likely that in her current circumstances she’s able to filter through the mixed and difficult emotions and questions about her situation to actually critique or offer ideas about the adoptive families she did not choose. It’s very rare for a mother to voice negative feedback about an adoptive family.
Be encouraged to know, however, that most birth mothers do share an overall appreciation for all of the adoptive parents she learned about as she researched adoption. Sometimes, even after she’s matched with and completed her child’s adoption with the adoptive family of her choice, birth mothers still keep all of the adoptive parent profiles she received because they were all a part of her child’s story. Remember, she can only choose ONE adoptive family! Many women choosing adoption recognize the loving desire of each adoptive parent to bring a child home through adoption AND wish that she could choose each one of them. You will stand out to your child’s birth mother for reasons that may surprise you, or reasons that don’t quite have words or phrases to define the connection. In the end, the ultimate feedback you’re looking for is “I want you to adopt my baby” and until that milestone, you should make sure your profile is an honest, upbeat, relevant reflection of who you are as an adoptive family-to-be.
Do you have a question about adoption that you’d like answered? You’re likely to find the answer in our Christian adoption book, Called to Adoption. You can download a copy for FREE by clicking here!
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”