Here’s a question that was asked during one of Lifetime’s recent Facebook Live video sessions: “I’ve checked out the birth parents seeking families on your website. Some have very specific things they’re looking for in adoptive parents. Why is that? Do you ask birth parents to open up on their preferences and also look at other families?” This is a great question, and we’re going to share our answer with you here today!
Lifetime bases the birth mother’s search for adoptive parents on what her desires are. Most women come to Lifetime knowing what they’re seeking for their child and what they have in mind for adoptive parents.
With that said, we have had a couple of situations here and there which have been so specific that they were difficult to find families for. A recent example is a woman who was hoping to place with a couple who were from a specific region in a foreign country. In this case, we encouraged her to look at some of the other waiting families! Another example is a woman seeking a Catholic adoptive family who lived in California. Lifetime did have families that met her criteria. However, the families were not open to her situation. So, we encouraged her to broaden her search to Catholic families in other states. She ended up choosing a Catholic family who lived in another state.
This goes to show that there are definitely times when we encourage a birth mother to consider widening her search criteria. There are also times when birth mothers seeking adoptive parents know what they’re looking for, but sees an adoptive couple and just feels an instant connection.
The bottom line is this: if a birth mother has something specific in mind, Lifetime does its best to try and honor her wishes. We encourage birth mothers to talk to more than one potential adoptive family. In fact, we’re working with a woman now who’s talked to three different families. That’s a great thing, because it really helps her narrow down what and who she’s looking for.
Often, we find that when a birth parent talks to an adoptive couple, the relationship just kind of “clicks.” It’s like that feeling you get when you meet someone, and you feel like you’ve known them your whole life. That’s the sign of a good adoption match! That’s not to say if you don’t have that instant connection it’s not a good match, but it’s a sign that a birth mother is really making her adoption plan with a lot of thought. Also, there’s enough in common that it’s a good fit.
If you’re one of three families that a birth mother is chatting with and she does choose another couple, you should feel encouraged. That’s because it shows that she knows that much about what she wants and the match will be that good fit. Take hope because down the road, that’s our goal for you as well!
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”