If you’ve recently found out you are pregnant, and this news didn’t delight and thrill you, you might be feeling afraid. Fear about an unplanned pregnancy comes from a lot of different places, and having a plan to deal with the fear will help move you through being afraid of your pregnancy, to a place where you are confident about your future.

Step 1: Decide Whether You Feel Ready to Have a Baby

Take a deep breath and relax. Nothing is likely going to happen for several months. You have some time to decide how you want to deal with this unplanned pregnancy. Take a moment to think about your situation and the future.

Here are some questions to ask yourself while you consider how you really feel about the reality of being a parent.

• Do you have a job? Can you support a child?

• Do you have a safe place to live?

• Is the baby’s father involved?

• Does this baby have two loving parents who are willing to make the necessary sacrifices to raise him or her?

• Will there be grandparents who are supportive and will love this baby?

• Are there family and friends who can help you raise your baby? And do you believe they will really be there for you?

• What do you want for your life? For your baby’s life?

• Are you ready to do everything in your power to give your baby the best life?

Once you decide how you feel about the pregnancy, you will have a better idea of what your next steps should be. If you still feel scared about this unplanned pregnancy, and aren’t sure if keeping the baby is right for you at this point in your life, your next step is to look at what your options are for the future.

Step 2: Get Information About Unplanned Pregnancy Options

Your unplanned pregnancy doesn’t have to derail the rest of your life, or your child’s. Open adoption is a great option when you don’t feel you can keep a baby and raise it yourself. There are a lot of different reasons that birth mothers choose open adoption for their child, including:

• Not being ready to raise a child

• Money problems

• The realities of raising a special needs child

• Possibility of a case plan being started for child

• Having children already and not being able to handle or afford another one

• Unsafe home environment for the child

One way to get great information about how to cope with your unplanned pregnancy is to call an adoption coordinator. They can talk you through your feelings, help you look at all your options, and give you a compassionate shoulder to lean on at a tough time in your life. Coordinators can talk to you about open adoption, and how to decide if it’s right for you.  

Open adoption gives you the opportunity to choose a great family who will raise your child. You get to decide with the family how much contact you have as the child grows, but you don’t have to sacrifice your life to make sure he or she has a great life.

Once you know how you really feel about your unplanned pregnancy and you have all the information about how you can deal with it, a lot of the fear will fade away. You have choices and options, and there are people there to help you every step of the way.

Written by Mardie Caldwell Certified Open Adoption Practitioner

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.

Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.

She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.

Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.

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