Children adopted today have a very different experience than those adopted in the 1950’s and 1960’s when closed adoption was the only option. Back then, parents sat down with the child, often at age 12 or 13, and explained that they were adopted.
Nowadays, a child is told from the beginning that they were adopted and chosen. They explain the love that led their parents to adoption and the trust that the birth parents had in selecting them. They tell the child their own unique story in an age-appropriate way that honors the adoption decision.
Research shows that as children know the truth from a very young age, they understand their beginnings and feel more confident. Adoption is no longer odd or rare, but common and another way that families are created. Today, with the increase of trans-racial and international adoption as well as adoption by celebrities, it is very mainstream and accepted.
The fear that your child will hate you is understandable, but it is based in your own grief and loss when thinking about the situation. Saying goodbye is difficult and painful but you will always be your child’s birth mother, his first mother, and adoption will never change that.
With the options for ongoing contact in open adoption today, your goodbye is not forever. You can continue to stay in touch with the adoptive parents and your child. Learn more about adoption by reading the free book So I Was Thinking About Adoption, you can download it for free at www.FreeAdoptionBook.com