Parenting is widely recognized as one of the hardest jobs in the world. It’s definitely not easy to be a mom, even if you have friends and family who will help. Right now, you might be wondering about the role your baby’s father will play in the future. Is he “dad material”? Would he make a good dad?
Your child’s daddy will play a big role in their life, whether he’s around or not. So before deciding if you’ll parent or do adoption, take a good, hard look at your other half. Several signs will tell you what kind of a daddy he will be.
Here are 14 questions you can ask yourself to tell if he’ll be a good dad:
1. Can you picture yourself growing old with him?
2. If he has younger cousins and siblings, is he a good role model to them?
3. Does he have a job? Can he hold down a steady job for longer than a few weeks?
4. When he’s with friends, does he pay his own way?
5. Does it seem like he drinks too much, or do drugs?
6. Has he ever cheated on you?
7. If he has other children, what kind of a father is he to them?
8. Does your family like him? What about your friends?
9. Has he ever been in trouble with the law?
10. Do you feel safe when you’re with him?
11. If you have a daughter, would you be OK with her marrying a man like him when she grows up? Or would you want your son to grow up and be just like him?
12. How does he act towards his parents? Is he respectful and kind?
13. Does he have any history of verbal, physical, or sexual abuse?
14. Does he follow through on what he says he will do?
Take a good, close look at your answers. Do his actions suggest that he will be willing to share the responsibility of late night feedings, or do they hint that he’d just put a pillow over his head?
Will he help pay for everything your baby needs, soothe your baby back to sleep, change diapers, and take part in bonding time?
Or, do his actions suggest he’ll ghost you when times get tough?
Many women facing an unplanned pregnancy have thought that getting married would create stability and solve everything. But getting married for reasons other than love have a higher risk of failure. Marriage should happen because you’re fully committed to each other, not just because you’re pregnant.
It’s important to be honest with yourself about your relationship with the baby’s father.
It’s perfectly fine to want more out of life before you “settle down.” Don’t put your child’s future at risk if you and the father aren’t ready to fully commit to being devoted parents. Think about what kind of home life you want for your child.
Take a long, hard look at his behaviors and his actions.
By taking a look at his actions and how he treats the people in his life, you can get a realistic picture of what life will be like when your baby is born. If you decide to keep your baby and parent, he will be responsible for paying child support. He’ll also have the opportunity to share custody.
If you think adoption might be best, know that he can be involved in the decision. He can help you choose your baby’s adoptive parents, and he can get updates on his child too. Even if you’re no longer together, he can see his son or daughter grow up through email updates, phone calls, social media posts, and visits, just like you can.
Here’s more info on Birth Fathers & Adoption:
We’re here if you have any questions about how adoption works, or about your baby’s father. Just text or call Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certiﬁed Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the ﬁrst adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.