Talking to your baby’s father about your pregnancy options can be an emotional and difficult conversation. Before you have a conversation with him about your options, take a moment to consider how you feel about parenting a child, and how you feel about your relationship with the father. It is time to be very honest with yourself about your feelings about a baby, the father, and your future.

Things to ask yourself:

• Are you ready to be a parent?

• Are you financially able to take care of a baby?

• Who will be there to help you day in and day out to raise your child?

• Why do you want to be a parent?

• What are your plans and goals for the future?

• What do you want for your child’s life?

• Can you provide that?

Things to consider about the father:

• Do you think the father will be supportive and stick with you for the long haul?

• Do you think you will get married?

• What do you think his reaction will be when he finds out you are pregnant?

• Does he have any other children?

• What kind of father is he to them?

• Is he responsible?

• Does he have a job?

• Does he use drugs or alcohol?

• Does he have a violent or criminal past?

Once you have a realistic and honest picture about your feelings about the pregnancy, the future of your child, and the future of you and the father, it is time to write down your feelings and your plan. If your pregnancy plan includes adoption, get answers to your adoption questions. When you feel ready, it is time to talk to your baby’s father about your pregnancy options.

Talk in person

Talk to your baby’s father in person or on the phone. Bring your written plan and reasons for making your decision, as well as any answers to questions that you had. This will help you to make your case for why you feel the way you do about your pregnancy options, without emotions getting in the way.

Write him a letter

Another option is to write him a letter, clearly stating what your decisions are about your pregnancy options. This can be helpful if you are nervous about the meeting, or if you feel you can better express yourself in writing. Take your time, and be clear about your feelings about the future for you, your baby, and you as a couple.

Get help

If you are no longer with the baby’s father, or if you do not feel safe having a conversation with him, you can get help telling him about the baby and what you have decided for your pregnancy option. If your decision involves an adoption plan, your adoption specialist and attorney can contact him for you, and you do not have to talk to him if you don’t want to. If you know who your baby’s father is, you are obligated to tell him about any adoption plans; not telling him could cause problems down the road. You never have to put yourself in a situation where you do not feel safe, or if you are afraid of how he will react. You can get help talking to the father.

If you are pregnant and not sure what your options are, or need help coming to a decision, you can get support from Lifetime Adoption’s free adoption services. Call the 24 hour hotline for answers to your questions at 1-800-923-6784, get free counseling to help you make your decision, and compassionate attention and support, whether your plan involves adoption or if you decide to parent.

Written by Mardie Caldwell Certified Open Adoption Practitioner

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.

Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.

She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.

Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.

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