There’s just something about seeing a pregnant belly that makes people dish out their opinions and advice. All of a sudden, people want to tell you their pregnancy story and their friends’ pregnancy stories. And then they ask questions like “Is it a boy or a girl?” “When are you due?” and “Do you have names chosen?”
Whether or not you choose to share about your adoption plans is completely up to you. “I wanted to be honest with some people, so I told them about my adoption plans. It felt like a lie to pretend that I was bringing this baby home. People’s responses ranged from surprise to disappointment,” says a birth mother who made an adoption plan with Lifetime. “My aunt even said, ‘I know you, I don’t think you’ll be able to adopt out your baby!'” How do you respond to a comment like that?
First of all, you don’t have to talk about your pregnancy with anyone, even when your belly gets bigger. Random people at the store, park, or salon might get nosy, but they don’t have the right to know about your life. You could just answer their questions about your due date and which gender you’re having. Then, you can be vague about more in-depth details of your pregnancy if you’d like.
The people in your life that you’re close to might not understand or agree with your decision. Lots of birth moms have told us that their family tried to pressure them to parent. They chose to answer questions like “How could you give your baby away?” with something like “How could I not? Good moms put the needs of their child before their own needs. I want the very best for my baby, but I can’t provide that for him right now. I don’t feel right about dragging my son along for this struggle.”
Whatever your reasons, situation, or feelings are, the choices you make for your child are up to you! Whether you become a birth mother or not, there’s no breaking the bond you have with your baby. People in your life who love you should come to terms with your decision.
Are you struggling to come up with the words to tell about your adoption plan, and who to tell? The Adoption Coordinators at Lifetime are here to help you find the words.
Just call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 or send us a message.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.