If you’re pregnant and thinking about adoption, you may be asking yourself, “Is adoption selfish?”
It’s a question that many women ask, and the answer is always the same: No, adoption is not selfish. In fact, adoption is one of the least selfish decisions you can make for your child.
If you’ve decided on adoption, there is a reason. Maybe you are still in high school. Maybe you aren’t financially prepared. Whatever the reason, you know yourself best. If you think you aren’t ready to have a child, then adoption is the best choice for your baby.
Here are the top four reasons why adoption isn’t selfish:
- It takes love and maturity to know you aren’t ready to raise a child, for whatever reason.
It would be easy to say, “I’m ready to parent,” when you know that you aren’t. It takes a lot of love and maturity to know that parenting is difficult and that love is not enough to provide all that a child needs. Even those with a lot of friends and family around to help can get overwhelmed by parenting.
- The child is yours, not your parents, so you must make your decision based on what is best for you and your baby, not for your parents.
Your parents may be sad that you won’t let them raise your child, or that you aren’t raising the child yourself. That is understandable, but you are the parent in this situation, not them. Your parents have raised you and made decisions for you, but now it is your responsibility to do the same for your own child. Don’t let feelings of guilt change what you know to be best for your baby.
3. You are giving your child the best life possible.
Children need a lot. They need love, of course, but they also need financial and emotional stability. You know that, and you are trying to find the most stable and loving home possible for your child. While you aren’t ready to provide all that you’d want your child to have, by choosing adoption you are giving your child the best in life.
4. It isn’t easy to say goodbye.
This is perhaps the most unselfish part of adoption: while it may hurt you emotionally to say goodbye, you are doing it anyway so your child can get what she needs to live the life you want for her.
So when you ask yourself, “Is adoption selfish,” remind yourself of these things. Wanting to give your child the life you dream of, while also recognizing you aren’t ready to parent, is far from selfish. In fact, it is the least selfish decision you could ever make.
As the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.