When you’re pregnant and thinking about adoption, you’ve probably got some big questions on your mind right now…
How do I know I’m not making the wrong choice?
Will I regret my decision?
Does giving up my baby for adoption make me a bad person?
Making an adoption plan for your baby isn’t an easy thing to do. The fact you’re struggling with your decision shows how much you love your baby and want what’s best for him or her.
Choosing adoption doesn’t make you a bad person, it just makes you different. Being different means that you may be judged: in some cases positively, in other cases not.
No one wants to think of themselves as a bad person. The only person who can make you feel like a bad person is you if you allow it to.
Remember that whatever you decide on, it’s your baby and it’s your choice. You’ll get all kinds of advice from people on what they think you should do. Some may say “I could never give my baby away for adoption!” and encourage you to parent.
But these people don’t know the challenging situation you’re facing. They don’t know what you’re going through right now. They might not know that you’re not in a position to raise your baby right now.
You’re not alone in choosing adoption: every year, thousands of women find themselves in situations like yours. They feel as if suddenly their lives have spun out of control. The answer they’re thinking about makes them feel confused, alone, and cut off from everyone else. Many follow through with their adoption plan because they feel it’s the best choice they can make.
Adoption really isn’t about people giving up their babies to good families. It’s not “giving up my baby for adoption” at all. It’s about “making an adoption plan” and finding a loving home for your baby when you’re not prepared or able to be a mom.
With an open adoption plan, you can choose your baby’s parents and be involved in their life as they grow up. Many women pick open adoption because they want their baby to be able to follow their hopes and dreams and to have a better life than the one they can provide. Even though it’s a difficult decision, they say that staying in touch with their child and watching her or him grow helped them. Choosing adoption for your baby doesn’t mean you’re selfish or don’t care.
Lifetime can connect you with a peer counselor if you’re unsure if you’re making the right decision. A peer counselor is a woman who has been where you are now and made an adoption plan for her child. She can help you work through your feelings and give you resources. Many women we’ve worked with say it really helped them to speak to someone who’s gone down the same path they are. After talking with a peer counselor, try to imagine what your life will be like if you parented. Then imagine what your life would be like if you went through with an adoption plan.
If you chose to parent, would you have the resources and time to give your child what they need? What would your child’s future be if you chose adoption?
Do you have questions about adoption? Call Lifetime anytime at
1-800-923-6784. Once you’re ready to get started with your customized adoption plan, you can click here to ask for a free Adoption Planning Kit.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.
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