You have a right to make whatever choice you want for you and your baby. And while those choices may affect others around you, it’s not up to them. If you have decided that an unwanted pregnancy isn’t good for you or your child at this point in your life, you may be considering giving baby up for adoption.
Making the decision to choose adoption might be the best thing for your child, even if others in your life don’t understand or support you in that choice. Hopefully everyone close to you is supportive and nurturing, but if they arent, here are a few ways you can deal with other people’s negativity about your choice to give your baby up for adoption.
It may seem weird to try and understand how someone else is feeling when they are acting judgemental of your choices, but sometimes the best way to diffuse a situation is to try seeing things from their perspective. In response to criticism, consider simply say something like, “I can understand that you must be feeling sad/frustrated/scared right now. I feel that way sometimes too.”
Even if you don’t agree with them, recognizing that someone is entitled to their own feelings puts them at ease, and also reinforces the fact that you are entitled to your individual feelings too.
Play Broken Record
This is a tactic used to resist persuasion when someone is trying to change your mind about something. If you’ve decided that adoption is right for you, and someone else is trying to change your mind, you simply repeat your intention over and over…like a broken record.
For example, if a friend is trying to convince you to keep your baby, but you know that it’s not a good choice for you, you can repeat the phrase ‘I am choosing adoption for me and my baby.’ Sometimes during an argument a person will focus so much on their side of the argument that they don’t even really hear what you are saying. The idea is that by using the broken record technique, they will more easily register what you are saying.
Remember to Believe in Yourself
You are the one person who lives in your body, and in your head. You alone know your thoughts and are ultimately the person who has to live with the decisions you make. If giving your baby up for adoption feels like the right choice, then you have to trust that you know what’s best for you.
Spend Time With People Who Support You
Even if some people don’t understand your choices, there are bound to be at least a few people close to you who are on your side. Let their positivity and encouragement lift you up, and focus on spending more time with those people. You will be happier if you surround yourself with people who respect you and can stand behind you when you make difficult decisions.
Make and Share Your Plan for the Future
Having a plan for the future can help put things into perspective. You will not be pregnant forever, and you will have many years ahead of you to build the life you want. If you are considering going on to get a degree or heading back to school, scholarships are available from LifetimeFoundation.org to help you on your way. Share your plan with friends and family and talk about setting your goals.
Choosing to make an adoption plan is an excellent choice if you aren’t ready to have a baby. You are making the best decision for everyone’s future, and even if others have different opinions, you can trust and feel good about the fact that you are doing the right thing.
As the Chief Operating Officer (COO) of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.