“I’m due soon, and I just found out that I’m having a boy. How will the adoptive couple tell my child about me when he’s older? How will they tell him that he’s adopted?
I love my son so much already, and I don’t want him to grow up thinking that I’m an evil person who just gave him up.”
In today’s modern adoptions, adoptive couples are encouraged to share about adoption with their child from day one. That means your child will always know about their adoption, and so it won’t come as a shock or surprise to them.
Ask the Adoptive Couple
Once you choose an adoptive family for your baby and decide to match with them, you can ask them this question. Ask them how they plan to tell your child that he was adopted, and what they’ll tell your child about you.
If you’d feel more comfortable having your Adoption Coordinator discuss it with the family for you, just let her know. She will share your needs with the adoptive couple. And, she’ll be able to give them ideas on how they can talk with your child about adoption, and about you.
Make a Keepsake for Your Baby
You can share what you want your baby to know about you. Some birth mothers have created a scrapbook, booklet, or similar keepsake for their child.
Inside, the birth mother writes a letter to her baby and shares about things like her hobbies, life, and why she decided on adoption.
If you make a booklet like this, you can also put in photos of you, your family, and your baby’s father. Once your child grows older, the adoptive family can give this keepsake to him. Feel free to get as creative as you’d like! This keepsake gives you an opportunity to tell your child about your love for him, and to share your history, personality, and reasons for choosing adoption.
The father of your baby can add to your keepsake book too. Or, he could write a letter. You might even invite your family to add to the book, share photos, or write a letter to your baby.
The adoptive couple will treasure the information you’ve provided and will share it with your child at an appropriate age. In the homes of Lifetime adoptive families, the word “adoption” is in their child’s vocabulary early on, and adoption is celebrated.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certiﬁed Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the ﬁrst adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell’s life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.