November is National Adoption Awareness Month here in the United States. In honor of that, we’re sharing how your friends and family members can support you in your adoption journey.
Becoming a parent through adoption is an exciting journey. Naturally, you want your parents and extended family to share your excitement and offer emotional support through the ups and downs. These tips can provide a starting point for conversations about how your adoption will touch everyone.
We encourage you to share this post with any of your loved ones who wish to support you!
Supporting a Loved One’s Adoption Journey
When someone you care about hopes to adopt, they’re on an exciting journey that will help them finally realize their dreams of parenthood. However, it can also be an overwhelming, lengthy process that is uncertain and, at times, emotionally draining. You can become part of their adoption circle by supporting them and learning about modern adoption.
Here are seven ways to support a friend or family member through their adoption journey. Whether you’re experienced or unfamiliar with adoption, these tips will be beneficial.
1. Learn about modern adoption
There is a lot to know about adoption, and it can be overwhelming for adoptive families to delve into the topic alone. Learning about the processes that come into play in adoption will help you better understand your friend’s journey.
Modern adoptions happen differently than they did 50 years ago. With a modern, open adoption, the birth mother chooses the adoptive parents for her baby. Both parties stay in touch as the child grows up.
It’s natural to feel lost when you start to learn about adoption. Try to keep an open mind and be willing to grow your knowledge as you support your loved one’s adoption journey. A great place to learn more about adoption is by attending our free webinars. Visit AdoptionWebinar.com to tune in to previous recordings and sign up to attend future webinars.
2. Avoid judgment
Part of the adoption process is coping with emotional highs and lows. It can be difficult to see a loved one struggle. You might feel tempted to offer them your advice. But even though you think you know better, it’s their journey. Stay open-minded and refrain from offering your opinion unless requested.
Try saying something along the lines of, “I am so excited for you to adopt! I want to be there for you in the most helpful ways. I’ll do my best not to say inappropriate things or ask insensitive questions. But if I do, could you call me out? I don’t know what I don’t know.”
3. Offer a listening ear
One of the best things friends and family can do for hopeful parents during every step of their adoption process is to be available and offer emotional support. Let them know that you’re there if they need someone to talk to. Allow them to share as much or as little as they want about how their adoption is going.
Your friend or family member may look like they’ve got everything under control. But, adopting a baby can be unpredictable, so they might run into rough patches along the way. Even though you might not always understand what’s happening with your loved one, you can still listen and be there when they need you.
Adoptive parents may need just to vent and express their anxieties and frustrations and know someone is listening. They don’t need your opinions, questions and critique, just listen and talk less!
4. Don’t attack them with questions
Since adoption is new to you, you’ll probably have lots of questions, such as “How long is the average wait?” or “How do you find a birth mother?”
While there’s nothing wrong with asking questions, don’t overdo it. Most adoptive couples have done their research before deciding to adopt, so they know the risks and delays that come with adoption. But unless you’ve also tryed to adopt, you won’t understand the process or emotions they may be facing.
Be supportive by not criticizing or asking questions your friend or family member may not feel like answering. This especially includes the most annoying question of all for waiting adoptive couples: “Any news?”
Asking questions that sound critical and judgmental will only be frustrating to them. Believe us, if your friend or family has any news on their adoption, they’ll tell you when they’re ready.
5. Keep horror stories to yourself
When a woman is expecting, it’s not kind to remind her about a story of a botched delivery or congenital disabilities. Give a couple who is expecting through adoption the same courtesy.
Just because you know someone who had a bad adoption experience (such as a reclaim) doesn’t mean they’ll have one, too. Every adoption is unique, so allow things to unfold as they are meant to.
6. Provide financial help
Adoption can be expensive, with a wide range of potential adoption fees, such as those paid to an adoption agency, a social worker for the home study, and an adoption attorney. Many hopeful adoptive parents look for ways to reduce adoption costs through loans, grants, and fundraisers.
If you can, attend any fundraisers hosted by the hopeful adoptive parents. You could even help organize a fundraiser for them!
Helping with their fundraising efforts will not only help your friend or family member financially, but also emotionally. It shows you care about them and their adoption process, and that you want them to succeed.
7. Offer practical assistance
Offer to help them with their adoption by providing a reference letter for their home study or profile. If you’re talented with photos or videos, then you could take pictures or tape videos for their adoption profile.
You can also help them by sharing social media posts about their hopes of adoption. Many adoptive couples network on Facebook, Instagram, and YouTube, and you can easily share their posts and videos on these platforms.
Adoptive couples will also appreciate offers to help them clean their home for the home study visits or watch their children when they get “the call”!
Embracing the Journey
It’s a beautiful thing when someone you care about is giving you the opportunity to participate in their adoption. Supporting a friend or family member during their adoption journey is a meaningful way to show that you care. With these seven tips, you’ll be able to lovingly and effectively lend a helping hand.
Sometimes, doing the simplest things for an adoptive couple shows your loving commitment and support for them and their decision to adopt. What you do to help your family member or friend during their adoption wait will be much appreciated and remembered by them for years to come!
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on October 3, 2018, and has since been updated.
Heidi Keefer is a Content Creator for Lifetime Adoption and has over 15 years of experience in the field of adoption. An author of thousands of articles and social media posts over the years, Heidi enjoys finding new ways to educate and captivate Lifetime’s ever-growing list of subscribers.
Heidi has a keen eye for misplaced apostrophes, comma splices, and well-turned sentences, which she has put to good use as a contributor to Lifetime’s award-winning blogs. She has written and published hundreds of adoption articles which explore the various facets of domestic infant adoption today.
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