More and more often, women who choose adoption for their babies are doing so with the hopes of seeking an open adoption. Why is open adoption so popular? Here at Lifetime, we have found that most women who choose adoption want some contact with their baby’s adoptive parents.
But why do most women choose to make an open adoption plan? And what exactly is “open adoption”? Here’s a short video explaining open adoption. After you watch it, scroll to learn some of the most important reasons women feel more comfortable with open adoption:
Why Open Adoption?
Here are six reasons women feel most comfortable with open adoption:
1. It empowers you
Open adoption gives birth mothers the option to be more involved and empowered throughout the adoption process. A birth mom can select adoptive parents that align with her values and the future she envisions for her baby. Open adoption also allows birth moms to meet adoptive families before placing their baby with them.
“I got started with adoption by looking at adoptive family profiles. At a time when so much of my life felt out of control, it was empowering to take charge of this important decision,” says Maddy, a birth mother who chose adoption for her son two years ago.
Open adoption also allows you to decide how much you’d like to stay in touch with the adoptive parents and your child. As a birth mother, you’d have the opportunity to be involved in your child’s life in the amount you’re comfortable with. Some birth mothers want email updates and photos about every six months. Other birth mothers build a relationship with their child through visits, phone calls, and texts.
The method and amount of contact in the open adoption are personal decisions to be made by the adoptive family and the birth parents together. Lifetime is there to support the open adoption plan along the way.
2. You will know how your child is doing as they grow up
An open adoption provides birth parents with reassurance that their child is well and happy. Through updates from the adoptive family, you have the ability to know how your child is doing throughout their life. You’ll get to know their favorite food, how they’re doing in school and the name of their best friend. You’ll have intimate knowledge about your child that you couldn’t have if the adoption were closed. Having a relationship with your child can help you feel happier and more peaceful with your adoption decision.
Says an anonymous birth mother, “I like the fact that I’ll always know how my son is doing. I know that I did the right thing in doing an open adoption. I know things are good with my child and that he’s happy!”
In an opinion piece she wrote for The Florida Times-Union, Alecia Forester says, “When my son was born, his adoptive parents welcomed both of us into their family. In many ways, we remained a team throughout his childhood. They have always raised him to know that I love him and wanted the best for him when I chose adoption. In turn, I’ve been able to watch him grow up. Every day, I’m grateful for my son’s life and the joy he brings to the world.”
3. It is better for the child
Ultimately, many birth mothers say that the main reason they wanted an open adoption was for the sake of their child. It allows you to have a meaningful relationship with your child’s adoptive parents, which in turn will help your child feel more secure by knowing how loved they are by both sets of parents.
Research shows that adopted children do better in open adoption situations because they have the chance to learn about their birth family and background. Kids are naturally curious. Most adopted children have lots of questions about their adoption and their birth family. Who better to talk to about their adoption than their birth parents? The more kids can speak freely about it, the more secure they feel and the more loved they’ll feel by you. Knowing their birth family gives a child a sense of who they are and where they came from.
Plus, when a child gets to meet their birth family, they can find out who they look like or act like in the family which may help them understand themselves better. Even if you aren’t raising your child, you still have a place in their heart.
“Because I have an open adoption, I’ll know how my baby is being raised and treated by a caring family,” says Ashley. “They can also give my daughter what I’m unable to provide: stability.”
And in a recent interview with Fox News – Tulsa, birth mother Carrie shared, “It wasn’t fair for [my daughter] to not have two parents and it wasn’t fair for my child that I was bringing into this world to not have two parents. That’s what I wanted for my child and I knew I couldn’t give it to him, so I found a way to give it to him and that was through open adoption.”
4. Gives you peace of mind
Another reason birth parents want an open adoption is because it’s better for their own hearts and minds. Open adoption provides them with the knowledge that their child is being raised in a safe, loving, and healthy environment. This can eliminate fear or uncertainty about their child’s future.
Birth mothers in open adoptions will have peace of mind knowing their child is healthy and safe as they see photos, talk on the phone or visit their child. Birth parents have the chance to explain about other family members or share important information with their child. Overall, birth parents say they feel that an open adoption helped them feel less grief and anxiety about placing their child in an open adoption.
“I’m so glad to be able to have the closure that open adoption brings,” says Vanessa. “After facing an unplanned pregnancy and a traumatic situation, I’m relieved to know that my child will be ok.”
“I chose to adopt out my baby, and even though it was so hard, I’m glad I did. Now, he has a better start in life and so many more opportunities,” says another birth mother.
5. You’ll remain a part of your child’s life
Open adoption means that a birth mother can still have a relationship with her baby. This does not mean that the birth mother can regain custody or parent in the conventional sense, but it allows her and her child to get to know one another. Adoption can come with many questions, particularly for an adopted child, and having this additional source of love in one’s life can only be a positive.
“Today, my daughter knows who I am and why I chose adoption. We have a special connection, and I love her parents. She may have been unexpected, but I can’t imagine my world without her and her adoptive family,” shares a birth mother.
“My daughter gets a loving family who will support and provide for her while knowing that I did not just give her away,” says Hailey.
6. Important medical info
Open adoption also means the adoptive family you choose will have access to your child’s medical history. This may be important if any health concerns come up for your child.
Says Destiny, “Because of open adoption, my daughter’s adoptive parents know my family medical history. Some of the info I shared when I made an adoption plan was important genetic information. Knowing my daughter’s family health history could mean the difference between life and death. My daughter will need to know that her mother’s side of the family has a history of high blood pressure. This info could be life-saving!”
If you’re considering adoption, you can talk with an Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime to learn more about the process. Just call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on May 14, 2021, and has since been updated.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell's life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC's The Today Show, CNN's The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN's Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.
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Such a wonderful informative article. As an adoptee from the closed adoption era, I am envious of the advantages open adoption provides for today’s birth mothers. Medical history and a sense of identity top the list. Open adoption improves upon the adoption experience for both the birth parent and adopted child. Getting the adoptive parent to loosen the reins so to speak is what allows open adoption to prevail. It amazes me that many states still refuse to allow middle aged adoptees access to their OBRs, and that is a result of adoptive parents pressuring lawmakers to protect their rights. An adoptee belongs to both families. That is the nature of adoption.