Lifetime Adoption is proud to provide post adoption support for birth mothers and all resources for birth mothers after adoption are free. We know that these women will have so much on their minds after placing their children for adoption. Lifetime’s adoption coordinators want to put their minds at ease, which is why we focus on the mother’s post-adoption life.
After all, your adoption story doesn’t just end after you leave the hospital or when the adoption becomes final. Adoption is a lifelong journey that’s just starting now. While it’ll take a few weeks to recover physically from giving birth, the emotional recovery can be a whole other story. Many birth mothers find that the first few weeks are tough and face post-adoption grief. Emotions are raw, and the feelings of grief are intense.
It’s totally normal to feel sad after your child’s adoption happens and they’re with their adoptive family. Keep reading to learn a few of the ways Lifetime Adoption supports birth mothers after adoption and to get a general timeline of what to expect in the first year after placement.
Open Adoption
Lifetime helps women as they consider open adoption, which means that moms choose adoptive parents for their child. It also means that the birth family and the child’s new family work together to create a plan for visits and other forms of contact (letters, phone calls, video chats, etc.).
Because open adoption allows for this type of relationship, our support for birth mothers after adoption extends beyond what we can offer in terms of emotional and counseling support.
In other words, we think that open adoption creates an extended family that is proven to help birth mothers heal. It helps them move forward with their own lives, confident that their child will have the life they’ve planned for them.
Still, it’s important to provide professional adoption counseling services, as well. Let’s go over a few of the ways Lifetime Adoption supports birth mothers after adoption.
Free and Ongoing Post-Adoption Adoption Support
Lifetime Adoption Foundation
The Lifetime Adoption Foundation has a wide range of resources for birth mothers after adoption. It includes opportunities for and information about educational scholarships for birth parents. They can also assist with books, can provide laptop computers, and so much more. You can learn more about the Lifetime Adoption Foundation here.
Contact
Resources for birth mothers after adoption are free and ongoing at Lifetime Adoption. For example, if at any point a birth mom needs to speak with someone, she can contact us 24 hours a day, seven days a week. All they have to do is call or text our office anytime at 1-800-923-6784.
Best of all, no matter when you call, someone will be there to listen. You won’t reach voicemail. We really are here for you 24/7!
Peer Support
Our Peer Support Network includes moms who have made the loving choice to place their child for adoption. They will remain available to birth mothers who need support after the adoption.
Peer counseling is one of the free resources for birth mothers after adoption and before adoption. They are available for regular appointments via email, phone, or text, or if you prefer to limit that contact to only those times it is needed. Think of our peer counselors as friends — someone to talk to who has walked the journey before. They can answer those awkward questions you may have.
You can find more information about our Peer Support Network here.
Counseling
During the adoption journey, birth mothers may be interested in speaking with a licensed counselor. We provide independent, outside counselors who are available to talk by phone or in person, whichever way is most comfortable and convenient.
Contact After Adoption
Many birth moms have found that it helped them to get updates, emails, and photos from the adoptive couple. With open adoption, you get updates on your child as they grow up. You might even choose to visit them in person. We recommend that you exchange photos and emails with the adoptive couple if you feel comfortable with it and it’s something you need.
Some women don’t want to hear from the adoptive family right after the adoption but later decide that they need to know how their child is doing. Others need photos and emails right away but decide they’re OK with the amount of contact reducing later. It’s up to you. No two grieving and healing processes will be the same. Again, all resources for birth mothers after adoption are free and available to you whenever you need them.
We mentioned above that open adoption allows for the creation of extended families. That goes for your family as well! At Lifetime, we encourage birth mothers to include their families in future contact plans, if they wish. Their mother, siblings, and even children can meet the adoptive parents and be a part of the extended family in the future. Our adoption professionals can help with the details.
The flip side of this is that if birth mothers choose to go through the adoption process without planning for future contact or desiring just limited contact with the adoptive family, then we can help with that, too.
Many women may initially feel like they don’t want contact, but their feelings change after meeting the family and the baby. That’s OK! At Lifetime, all our families are open to ongoing contact, so if you change your mind, the door is always open.
Post Adoption Grief Timeline
Here’s a general timeline of what to expect in the first year after placement. Keep in mind that every woman’s experience with adoption is going to be different; no two grieving processes are the same.
The First Few Days
- Post-partum depression
- Crying every day (that’s OK!)
- Lots of thinking about your baby
- You long to hold your baby
- You might be stressed out about how your baby’s doing
By 6 Weeks
- To dull the pain, you might feel like drinking or doing drugs
- Almost anything can make you cry
- You may wonder if you made the right decision in placing your baby for adoption and if the adoptive couple can be trusted
- Feeling tired and depressed
- Feeling proud of yourself for choosing adoption – you start to think you’ll be OK
By 3 Months
- You still think about your baby often, but with less sadness
- Beginning to feel hopeful about your future
By 6 Months
- Adjusting to the fact of adoption
- You may find that a whole day goes by without thinking about your baby, and you might wonder if you’re forgetting about him
A Year After the Adoption
- You might feel sadness, regret, and anger at a level you didn’t anticipate
- At your baby’s first birthday, you’ll remember all you’ve been through
- Starting to become more aware that your life will never be the same
- Beginning to get your life “back on track” and thinking about your future
Grief Counseling
Lifetime Adoption has helped many birth mothers walk through post-adoption grief. We understand the complex emotions that occur after placing your child for adoption. Even if you know you made the right decision about adoption for your child, you may still feel some sadness.
Lifetime Adoption offers counseling from an independent counselor and peer counseling, no matter where you’re at in your adoption plan. We encourage you to take advantage of this post-adoption support after your baby’s adoption plan happens. You might face many emotions you weren’t expecting, and it can really help to speak with somebody. Talking with a woman who’s made an adoption plan before and “been there, done that” can help you learn what to expect.
Communication from Lifetime
After the adoption, Lifetime continues to provide updates to birth mothers. We also work to make the transition as easy as possible for everyone involved.
Communication and open dialogue are important. That’s why each birth mother has their own adoption coordinator. As they move through the adoption process, their relationship with their adoption coordinator will grow and flourish. Over time, moms feel more comfortable sharing their feelings, thoughts, and concerns with their coordinator.
Of course, our counselors and peer support network are also available to discuss any concerns. We also can help plan post adoption support, including referrals to scholarship programs.
Questions or concerns? Are you facing an unplanned pregnancy? We are here for you, whether you’re a birth father, mother, or friends and family. All those affected by adoption can contact Lifetime Adoption today! As a domestic adoption agency, Lifetime Adoption is ready to help.
Please call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784 if you need counseling, have questions, or even just if you need to talk.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on June 12, 2020, and has since been updated.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell's life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC's The Today Show, CNN's The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN's Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.
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