Am I Ready to Be a Single Mother? 5 Questions to Ask Yourself

If you’re dealing with an unplanned pregnancy, co-parenting with your baby’s father may not be possible. As a result, you might wonder, “Am I ready to be a single mother?” Becoming a single mom, whether by choice or not, is a major life decision with unique challenges and rewards. It demands careful thought, planning, and self-reflection.
 
First, know that you are not alone. Being a single mother is much more accepted today than it was decades ago. Around 34% of children in the United States are being raised by single parents, and single mothers raising children has become much more common.
 
However, raising a child as a single mother is more challenging than it may seem. You may face certain struggles on this journey, and the life of a single mother involves both sacrifices and joys. Before you start this path, it’s important to know both the benefits and disadvantages of being a single mother and how they will apply to your situation.
 

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Questions to Find Out if You’re Ready to be a Single Mother

If you’re a single expectant mother, consider these five important questions to ask yourself before committing to raising your child on your own.
 

1. What Are My Goals?

Deciding the best course of action for an unplanned pregnancy often requires counseling and careful consideration of your goals for the present and the next 18 years. Before deciding to become a single mother, think about how this choice will impact your personal goals.
 
Before you got pregnant, what were your career and family goals? Were you planning on finishing high school or going to college? Are you hoping to be married before starting a family?
 
Being a single mother doesn’t mean you can’t achieve your goals, but your life may change in ways that make it more challenging to do so. Balancing school or work with parenting can be difficult. As a parent, your child will be your top priority, and your needs and desires will come second to give your child the life they deserve.
 
Therefore, being a single mother may require a stronger commitment to your goals and a willingness to pursue them differently than you originally imagined.
 

2. Am I ready to become a single mother at this point in my life? 

Many women reach a point in their lives when they feel ready and excited to have a child. If they are emotionally and financially prepared for motherhood, they are more likely to feel happy in their new role when their baby is born.
 
However, some women facing unplanned pregnancies must make difficult decisions. While they may want children someday, their unplanned pregnancy might come at a time when they are not fully prepared for the realities of parenting. Despite this, their desire to have children may lead them to consider becoming a single mother and figuring out the details as they go.
 
“When I had my son at 20, I was so determined to make it work out. But, I didn’t have a college education, so I wasn’t able to get hired at a high-paying job. Single parenting seems impossible (my son’s dad disappeared when he heard I was pregnant),” shares one single mother, Ashlee. “For the last two years, I’ve been working overtime at two jobs. I only see my son in the morning when I rush him to daycare and at night when I put him to bed.”
 
As Ashlee’s story shows, timing is crucial in deciding whether to become a single mother. Can you realistically take on this role at this point in your life? Will you be able to provide all the opportunities your child deserves? Are there steps you can take to prepare yourself for single motherhood before your baby is born?
 
Every woman’s situation is unique. If your current circumstances are not conducive to raising a child as a single mother, it may not be the best choice for you.
 

3. Am I financially ready for a baby?

An important question to ask yourself when thinking about whether you’re ready to become a single mother is, “Am I financially ready for a baby?”
 
Raising a child to age 18 costs hundreds of thousands of dollars, so it’s important to be financially prepared before becoming a single mom. As a parent, you’ll want to provide your child with the best opportunities, but this can be challenging if you can’t afford it.
 
Talking to parents you know can help you understand the costs of raising a child, and asking a financial planner can be especially helpful. Knowing what to expect financially is crucial before having a baby.
 
Consider these financial questions about raising a child solo:

• Is my current income enough to support a child?
• How will I handle childcare costs?
• Is my job family-friendly and stable?
• Have I considered my child’s future, including saving for a college education?
• Is my current living situation right for raising a child?

If you’re pregnant but not financially ready, there are programs that can provide the help you need. Federal programs like WIC (Special Supplemental Nutrition Program for Women, Infants, and Children) offer nutrition education for low-income mothers and expectant mothers, food, and health care referrals.
 
While money isn’t the only factor to consider when deciding to become a parent, it’s a significant reason why many women choose abortion or adoption.
 

4. Am I emotionally ready to become a single mother?

Having a baby as a single mother will significantly change your life, no matter how prepared you feel. Even if you think you are ready, it can still be an emotional shock. It’s important to ask yourself, “Do I have the strength and patience to handle the demands of parenting alone?”
 
While some women might believe that single parenting is easier than adoption or abortion, they often soon realize it can also bring sadness and disappointment. This might be because you hadn’t planned to be a mother so soon or because you feel bad about not being able to provide all the opportunities and material things you had hoped to give your child. You might also feel like you’re missing out on the carefree life your friends have.
 
If you believe you can address these concerns as a single mother, this may be the right choice for you. However, if you think the responsibilities of parenting will affect your happiness or future, you may want to consider other options such as adoption.
 

5. Am I ready to make sacrifices for my child?

Some expectant mothers believe that having and caring for their baby will fulfill all their personal needs, leaving them wanting nothing else.
 
However, studies show that many women, whether raising a child alone or with a partner, sometimes miss the freedom of their old lifestyle. They often wish to return to things like dating, going out, and shopping. As a single mother, these activities become much more challenging when you have to arrange childcare and manage a tight budget.
 
Before making this choice, consider the sacrifices you will need to make as a single mother. Consider these practical questions about raising a child:

• Can I balance work, childcare, and personal time?
• Am I prepared to be a parent 24/7?
• Can I afford quality childcare?
• Am I capable of handling all household chores alone?
• Am I ready for possible changes in my social circle?

Deciding if you’re ready to be a single mother is a deeply personal choice that demands careful thought about many factors. It’s crucial to be honest with yourself about your emotional, financial, and practical readiness for this significant life change.
 

Is Adoption Right for Me?

If you’ve considered all five questions and decided that you’re not ready to become a single mother, there is another option for you. You can choose adoption for your baby.
 
Adoption is a loving, thoughtful choice that ensures your child will grow up with all the opportunities you want for them. When you make an adoption plan, you have chosen to make a new life for your baby — and for yourself! Lifetime Adoption is here to help you throughout the process.
  
Lifetime Adoption has many hopeful adoptive parents ready to love and provide for your baby. If you choose an open adoption, you can hand-pick your baby’s adoptive parents and get to know them. You’ll be able to see your child grow up and have a long-term relationship with them.
 
To learn more about adoption and get answers to your questions, call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784.
 

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Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on July 14, 2017, and has since been updated.