Adoption is Sharing for More than One Family
Doug and I know first hand the heartaches of infertility, miscarriages, and premature births. We also know the complete joy and fulfillment that adoption brings. We would like to share our special circumstances that led us to choose adoption.
All I ever wanted out of life was to have children. I couldn’t wait to start a family. I thought if you wanted to have a baby, you simply got pregnant and had one. That wasn’t the case for me and it took me years to realize it.
Over a period of seven years, my husband and I lost seven babies due to pregnancy complications.
My first pregnancy, after a year of infertility, was lost at four months. The baby’s heart stopped beating sometime between my 14th to 16th week. My second pregnancy came shortly after that loss, and ended in an early miscarriage. My third pregnancy occurred just a few months later and then ended at five months with a premature birth.
At this point, Doug and I sought out doctors within our state that specialized in recurrent pregnancy loss. We received very few answers to my problems. After two long years, with the help of infertility doctors, I finally conceived again, this time with twins. At four months, my doctor stitched my cervix closed. At nearly five months into this pregnancy, I began having some unusual pains and was admitted to the hospital with an infection in my uterus.
I lost the first baby, a little boy, two days after being admitted. The doctors were simply going to let me deliver the other baby since there was little chance of survival, but my husband and I begged them to do whatever they could to try to save this baby. My doctor then re-stitched my cervix and kept me in the hospital completely bedridden. Two weeks later, I went into labor and delivered our baby girl too soon for her to be able to survive.
At this point in our lives, we were emotionally, spiritually, and physically devastated. We then decided that adoption was our way to have the family we had always wanted and began the process and paperwork. In the meantime, I wanted to find out what could possibly be causing my problems with pregnancies. I found a doctor in Atlanta who specialized in mid-trimester losses. I was under her care for several months, during which this time I became pregnant unexpectedly.
This time we had definite reason to be hopeful because of the treatment I was receiving. I saw a group of doctors for this pregnancy that were strictly for high-risk patients. However, without any complications or warnings, in the beginning of my sixth month, I went into premature labor. With no chance to stop it, I delivered another little girl.
I can’t put into words what I felt at this time. Doug was so encouraging about adoption, and how we will have a baby in our home. That is what held me together. We began pursuing adoption even harder at this point.
In March of 1999, a young girl from California who was about seven months pregnant at the time, chose adoption for her child. She contacted Lifetime Adoption Center and after reading many profiles from potential adoptive couples, she chose us to parent her baby.
A couple of months later, my heart was mended more than I thought was possible with the birth and adoption of our precious son. He has given us so much joy and healed so many years of hurt. I have accepted the fact that I will never bear my own children, and am completely at peace with that because adoption allows me to have the desire of my heart—to be a mother. Our family is so full of love, and we greatly desire to share that love with another child.
Doug and I both grew up with siblings and we want that for our son Reed too. We have been patiently waiting another addition to our family. Reed is so excited about a brother or a sister and prays to God for one every night. He is just beginning to understand about adoption and we are so excited about him sharing the experience with us. Since he was about two, I have been explaining to him about adoption. My favorite book to read to him is, Tell Me Again About The Night I Was Born, by Jamie Lee Curtis. Of course, he doesn’t understand everything so I try to make it simple.
Last summer we were sitting outside in our swing in the backyard eating popsicles and talking about a friend of ours who was getting ready to have a baby. I was telling him about Ms. Lisa having a baby in her tummy and that soon the baby would come out of her tummy and she would have a baby girl. I explained to him that he had not been in my tummy because God had said “No” to me but that he had been in the tummy of a very special girl.
“She was too young to take care of a baby so she let me be your momma,” I said. I continued to say how thankful we are to her and to God for giving him to me.
He looked up at me with his big brown eyes and said, “Momma, my Popsicle is leaking.”
I thought we’d stop the discussion for the day.
Just a few months ago, I had another friend who was expecting. I once again took this opportunity to talk to Reed about his beginnings. After telling him about her having two babies in her tummy, I then asked him to tell her about where he came from. He said, “God said you couldn’t have a baby in your tummy and I was in another tummy and she gave me to you.”
I said, “That’s right, now what’s that called?”
His answer was priceless.
He said, “That’s called sharing!”
He understands more that I have given him credit for. And, he’s right. Perhaps adoption is the ultimate form of sharing.
Through this all, we are now hoping at finding another special birthmother and adopt again. We pray each day for her and for that special child that join our home someday soon.
By Tammy, One of Our Successful Lifetime Families
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