Stay in Touch With Birth Grandparents

Adoptive parents often wonder what the appropriate role is for the birth grandparents. They have many questions about the matter, each of which is valid. Adoptive parents should strive to answer these questions before the adoption is complete.
 

Do the birth grandparents want to know the child?

The first question you should ask is whether or not the biological grandparents want to be included in the child’s life. Some birth moms have parents who very involved in the adoption. You should ask them if they wish to be included in the contact agreement, making it clear that it is okay for them to say no. Make your question open and non-judgmental and you will receive a clear answer.

Will the involvement of birth grandparents cause adoptive grandparents to feel rejected?

A child will and should have many people in his or her life. Grandparents are aware that they will share the love of their grandchild with extended family and friends for the rest of their lives. Still, one way to ensure the adoptive grandparents do not feel left out is to ask them what they would like to be called. Grams, Pop-pop and Mee-maw can have first dibs at their favorite nicknames, while you might encourage your child to refer to biological grandparents by their proper names.

Does this place an unnecessary burden on the biological family?

The biological grandparents do not need to be more involved than they feel comfortable. If they are serious about a relationship with the child, they may have asked to be included on the contact agreement. If they want a more casual relationship, they will let you know.

Will a relationship with birth grandparents confuse the child?

The more loving people a child has in his or her life, the happier that life will be. The child will not be confused as long as you are open and honest about the nature of this relationship. Let the child know that the biological mom also had parents. These people are the child’s biological grandparents, though they are not legally related. Children may not understand all of the nuances from the outset, but they will not be unhappy to have an extra pair of people who love and care for them.

What are some ways other than visits to stay in touch?

Some biological grandparents want to stay updated on the lives of the child without having personal visits. You can work with them to determine the best way to keep them updated on the life of the child. Social media is a good way to stay updated on a daily basis. You may decide to start a private website or blog that the biological family can access whenever they like. You can even send cards, letters, emails and photos. Ask the biological grandparents to do the same so your child can know them in the same manner.