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Stay in Touch With Birth Grandparents

happy mother and grandparents visit with their birth child
Adoptive parents often wonder what the appropriate role is for the birth grandparents. They have many questions about the matter, each of which is valid. Adoptive parents should strive to answer these questions before the adoption is complete.
 

Do the birth grandparents want to know the child?

The first question you should ask is whether or not the biological grandparents want to be included in the child’s life. Some birth moms have parents who very involved in the adoption. You should ask them if they wish to be included in the contact agreement, making it clear that it is okay for them to say no. Make your question open and non-judgmental and you will receive a clear answer.

Will the involvement of birth grandparents cause adoptive grandparents to feel rejected?

A child will and should have many people in his or her life. Grandparents are aware that they will share the love of their grandchild with extended family and friends for the rest of their lives. Still, one way to ensure the adoptive grandparents do not feel left out is to ask them what they would like to be called. Grams, Pop-pop and Mee-maw can have first dibs at their favorite nicknames, while you might encourage your child to refer to biological grandparents by their proper names.

Does this place an unnecessary burden on the biological family?

The biological grandparents do not need to be more involved than they feel comfortable. If they are serious about a relationship with the child, they may have asked to be included on the contact agreement. If they want a more casual relationship, they will let you know.

Will a relationship with birth grandparents confuse the child?

The more loving people a child has in his or her life, the happier that life will be. The child will not be confused as long as you are open and honest about the nature of this relationship. Let the child know that the biological mom also had parents. These people are the child’s biological grandparents, though they are not legally related. Children may not understand all of the nuances from the outset, but they will not be unhappy to have an extra pair of people who love and care for them.

What are some ways other than visits to stay in touch?

Some biological grandparents want to stay updated on the lives of the child without having personal visits. You can work with them to determine the best way to keep them updated on the life of the child. Social media is a good way to stay updated on a daily basis. You may decide to start a private website or blog that the biological family can access whenever they like. You can even send cards, letters, emails and photos. Ask the biological grandparents to do the same so your child can know them in the same manner.

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“Dear Lifetime, One of the hardest things my husband and I ever had to do was say “good-bye” to our sweet, loving, almost two-year-old, granddaughter. Her young, single, mother was giving her up for adoption. When we first found out this was going to happen, it was more than I could handle. My heart hurt bad and I cried rivers of tears. I pleaded with my daughter to not give her away, I tried to take control of the situation and failed. It was out of my hands. It was between the lawyers, the adoptive parents and our daughter. My husband and I had a chance to meet with the adoptive parents last week when they flew out to get our precious, little grandbaby. As it turned out they were the most wonderful, caring, loving people, who felt and knew our pain of letting go. They are around the ages of 35 and have been married for 16 years and were not able to have children of their own. When I heard their heartbreaking story of years of trying to have children, my heart started to soften. They turned out to be very special people. Our granddaughter’s going to have a wonderful life with them. They will be sending videos every four months and when she is old enough to understand all this, they will bring her out for us to all have a little family reunion. We all had to put our emotions aside and do what was best for this child. Now, bless her heart, she has a mommy and a daddy who love her so much and she seems to be loving them too. She so desperately needed all the attention and love she is now getting, and she is also getting the stable, loving, caring kind of life she deserves.”
A Birth Grandmother

 

 
 

Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P.

 

 
 

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Small Women Owned Business

Lifetime Adoption Center is a BBB Accredited Business with an A+ rating
Lifetime Adoption Better Business Bureau Accredited Business

Copyright © | Lifetime Adoption

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