Plus, 4 tips on what NOT to do!
“My husband and I are with an adoption agency and have been waiting for 10 months. Our profile has gone out to birth mothers but there hasn’t been any interest yet. What should we do to be seen by more birth mothers? Any tips for what we should be doing as we wait to be picked?”
We’re sharing the answer a Lifetime adoptive mother provided, her 8 pointers for a successful adoption, and 4 tips on adoption to avoid!
We’re a Christian couple who have been through a lot in our marriage, and ultimately God has been there for us throughout each step of our adoption process. Each time we wanted something to happen, it has, but only in His time. So my first tip is…
- Have trust in God’s plan for you. This adoption will happen in His timing, not yours. If you ever start to feel doubt, repeat that last sentence to yourself!
- Pray. Ask people who are close to you to pray for you, pray with your spouse, and pray in solitude. We had so many people praying for us when our miracle baby arrived.
- Appreciate your marriage. Enjoy this final time as “just the two of us.” Soon, you’ll no longer be just a couple; you’ll go from the two of you to the three of you. You can appreciate your partnership and strengthen your marriage by going on a vacation and spending time together. Cherish these memories, because you’ll be making new ones with your child.
- Keep your preferences open in regards to what gender, race, and age of the child you can adopt. Staying open gets the attention of more birth mothers. This is where the praying is needed; remember, it’s God’s plan.
- Open adoption is something that you should open your heart to. After awhile, our hearts slowly opened to the idea of visits after the placement. Then, we pretty quickly opened to this idea once we were matched.
- Talk to people who have adopted recently through domestic adoption so you can get an idea of what to expect. If you’re a Lifetime family, take advantage of the opportunity to speak with their references. We’re now one of them, and are happy to talk to you anytime.
- Attend adoption webinars and participate as much as possible. Lifetime’s webinars are packed with lots of great information!
- Follow what Lifetime tells you to do. This means getting your home study completed, your profile done, updating home study, and keeping your profile up to date. Make the edits that they suggest, even if you think they’re wrong (because they’re not!) If you get critique on your profile, don’t take it personally. Lifetime is there to help you get matched with the right birth mother, and they have decades’ worth of experience in doing this! Keep your home study up to date: I’ve heard in so many webinars that an adoptive couple can’t go forward with a match because they let their home study expire.
Here are some bonus pointers! 4 tips on what NOT to do:
- Don’t expect adoption to happen overnight.
- Don’t sit by your phone, staring at it, waiting for it to ring. Definitely keep your cell phone with you and on, but don’t obsessively stare at it.
- Don’t let the adoption process consume your whole life, or totally overwhelm you. Take the support that’s offered to you.
- Don’t give yourselves a deadline that needs to be met, or a timeline of when you expect adoption to happen.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”