As a childless single woman in your thirties, you may start to reflect on the significance of motherhood in your life. What does motherhood truly mean to you? Does it have to be within a marriage with your ideal partner? Or is it acceptable to be with a suitable partner instead? What about options like using frozen eggs or adopting? Does the baby even need to be biologically yours? And can being the “cool, rich auntie” be fulfilling enough? After wrestling with these questions, many women ultimately arrive at the same conclusion: “I’m ready to become a single mother.”
Years ago, if you walked into an adoption agency as a single woman hoping to adopt a baby, you would likely have faced rejection. It simply wasn’t considered acceptable for the child, and in some states, there were even laws against single-parent adoption. Thankfully, times have changed. Attitudes toward single-parent adoption have evolved, paving the way for more options for those ready to embrace motherhood on their own.
Can you adopt as a single woman?
Yes, most adoption agencies are happy to help single women realize their dreams of motherhood. Many single women have successfully adopted through Lifetime.
Adoption for single mothers comes with the same process and requirements as adoption for any other family type. To legally adopt, prospective parents must be of minimum legal age, complete adoption training and education, and have a home study conducted by a licensed social worker.
The amount of single-parent households in the U.S. has increased, paving the way for single women to pursue adoption. According to the U.S. Census Bureau, the number of single-parent households grew from about 6,000,000 in 1980 to a little over 10,000,000 in 2008. Single-parent households now account for over 25% of households with children. In turn, an increasing number of adoptive families are single-parent households where children are thriving with a Mom only.
There are various aspects to consider and obstacles you may face when beginning your adoption journey as a single parent. If you’re a single woman embarking on her adoption process, these practical tips and recommendations can help you prepare for the future.
Finding a Support Network
Being a single parent can be a struggle, regardless of whether you adopt or have a child biologically. A strong support system is crucial if you adopt as a single woman who does not have a partner to assist with childcare when you’re at work, sick, or need backup.
As the old saying goes, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Consider who among your friends and family would be able to help out. For example, who could pick up your child from school if you couldn’t? Who could come over and help out when you or your child is sick? Which men in your life could serve as good role models?
If you have a solid support system, you won’t be raising your child alone. Plus, having a healthy support system helps you put plans in place for emergencies or unexpected events that may occur.
During the adoption process, we recommend asking a support person from your social network to join you as you travel to the birth mother’s state. To help you bond with your child after you return home, another support person might bring meals or help with your errands, laundry, and dishes.
“If possible, one might consider including in this support network adults who are familiar with adoption matters, like the Seven Core Issues in Adoption and the psychological and behavioral impacts of childhood trauma,” writes Abigail Lindner in an article for The National Council for Adoption.
Linder continues, “These could be fellow adoptive parents, adoption professionals, psychologists, and others who would be willing, as well as emotionally and practically able, to continue materially supporting the single parent’s family as their children grow up.”
Balancing Your Career and Motherhood
As a single mother, balancing work and raising your child can be a challenging yet rewarding journey. It’s essential to evaluate your current work situation alongside your future career aspirations. Is your current career compatible with motherhood unassisted by a significant other?
Having a family-friendly work situation is crucial. Being in a job that allows you to leave work to address problems at school, attend appointments, and work from home will be so beneficial. Non-traditional work situations, like working from home, part-time jobs, or freelance work, lend more opportunities for schedule flexibility.
To help you navigate this path, consider these key questions. Reflecting on them will guide you in making necessary adjustments, ensuring your child receives the love and attention they deserve.
- Does my employer support a healthy work-life balance?
- Are there health and adoption benefits available?
- Does my job require that I travel frequently?
- What childcare or after-school options are available through my employer or within my community?
- Am I equipped to leave work during unexpected emergencies or events?
- Do I have life insurance?
Take the time to develop a plan for when your new baby arrives, as well as a general idea of how you’ll manage as your child grows. Being proactive can help you create a nurturing environment while still pursuing your professional goals.
Getting Your Finances in Order
When it comes to adopting as a single parent, showing your financial stability is key. While all adoptive families need to demonstrate this, single parents may face a slightly different assessment.
Since you’re managing both the role of breadwinner and caretaker all on your own, it’s essential to prove that you can handle the financial responsibilities that come with raising a child. Unlike couples who can share the load—whether by balancing work and home duties or having one partner focus on each role—single parents need to show they’ve got it covered solo.
The U.S. Department of Agriculture has estimated that a single-parent household with one child spends between $11,500 and $13,500 on child expenses. And according to a report from Child Care Aware of America, childcare for infants, toddlers, and four-year-olds accounted for an average of 10% of married couples’ household incomes and a whopping 36% of single persons’ household incomes.
It is important to confirm you’ll be able to financially support a child beyond the cost of the adoption itself. In the event of medical expenses or an unexpected need for childcare, plan to have an emergency fund available.
Is it harder for a single woman to adopt?
Adoption can bring unique challenges, often starting with the reactions from one’s social circle. Even though single-mother adoption is becoming more accepted, the traditional belief still lingers: that children need both a mother and a father for healthy development. Some people may struggle to understand why you would choose to take on the journey of raising a child alone.
Although society has made significant strides in understanding adoption over the past century, there are still lingering misconceptions and doubts. Many friends and family members may question whether an adoptive parent can truly love a child who isn’t biologically theirs or if they can cope with the child’s past experiences. Sadly, some still see adoption as a “second best” option, which means adoptive families often have to challenge these views through their own stories and experiences.
Many birth mothers are hoping to provide their baby with a two-parent home, especially if this is something they can’t provide. As a result, it can often take longer for a single woman to be selected by a birth mother. Lifetime Adoption limits the amount of single women we accept into our adoption program so we can confidently help you adopt.
We advise single women looking to adopt to research adoption online and through books. One of the most effective ways for hopeful parents to prepare for their adoption journey is by learning from the experiences of others. I encourage you to speak with single adoptive mothers about their experiences.
Hearing adoption stories from women who have successfully navigated the process can provide valuable insights and wisdom. In this adoption webinar, MaRay shares the details of her decision to adopt as a single African American mother. Single adoptive mom Cynthia’s story provides tips for any single woman thinking about or preparing to adopt a child. Cynthia and MaRay share about the process of adopting as a single woman, bonding with their child, and talking to their children about adoption.
Educating yourself about adoption and different paths will help you achieve a safe and successful adoption.
“I’m ready to become a single mother”
The harsh truth is that women face a limited fertility window. Declining egg reserves and menopause will come for all of us. We also want to become mothers when we have the energy to give it what it requires and with the ideal partner. It’s vital to factor your age into your decision-making process before determining, “I’m ready to become a single mother!”
As daunting as being a single mother may sound, facing these facts head-on is actually empowering. It is empowering to admit to ourselves that if you want to become a mom, these are the obstacles you will likely face, and these are your options. The first step is doing the serious work of deciding how badly you want to become a mother.
Preparing for single-mother adoption may seem overwhelming, but it’s important to remember that many women have successfully adopted and have raised happy and healthy children. Adoption can be challenging for any parent, but these difficult moments will be more than overshadowed by the beauty and joy of raising a child.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”
0 Comments