Mother’s Day Grief: How to Cope While Waiting to Adopt

Mother’s Day can stir up so many emotions—joy, sadness, hope, grief, and longing—all at once. If you are a hopeful adoptive mom waiting to be chosen by a birth mother, or a woman who has walked through infertility, this holiday can feel especially tender.

While others celebrate with breakfast in bed, handmade cards, and family photos, you may be quietly wondering, When will it be my turn?

That question can carry a lot of pain.

Mother’s Day grief is real. It often shows up for women who deeply desire motherhood but are still waiting to become a mom. It can also affect women navigating infertility, pregnancy loss, or the uncertainty of adoption.

If this day feels heavy to you, you are not alone, and there is nothing wrong with you. As an adoptive mom, I understand the silent grief this holiday can bring.

When I was waiting to adopt, I dreaded the weeks leading up to Mother’s Day. Everywhere I looked, there were store displays, social media tributes, and family plans centered around motherhood. It often reminded me of what I longed for most.

Then we adopted our son, and everything changed. But I have never forgotten how painful those waiting years felt.

If you are in that season now, here are nine gentle ways to cope with Mother’s Day sadness while waiting to adopt.
 

1. Give Yourself Permission to Feel What You Feel

You do not need to “be positive” or pretend the day does not affect you.

If you feel sad, disappointed, jealous, emotional, numb, or frustrated, those feelings are valid. They do not make you ungrateful or bitter. They simply reflect how deeply you care about becoming a mother.

Many women describe this as grieving on Mother’s Day for the child they long for and the future they are still waiting to hold.

Give yourself grace this Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day grief doesn’t mean you’re bitter. It means your hope matters.

2. Talk About It With Someone Safe

Grief often feels heavier when carried alone.

Share honestly with your spouse, a trusted friend, family member, counselor, or support group. Many people simply do not realize how difficult Mother’s Day can be for women waiting to adopt.

When you speak your feelings out loud, you may find more compassion and support than you expected.

Consider connecting with a therapist who specializes in adoption-related grief. You might also join support groups like RESOLVE or local adoption support circles where others truly understand your journey.

Remember that seeking help isn’t a sign of weakness—it’s a proactive step toward nurturing your emotional health as you prepare for parenthood.

You deserve to be seen in this season of adoption waiting grief.

3. Make a Plan for the Day

Mother’s Day can feel harder when it sneaks up on you.

Instead of waking up unsure how you’ll feel, make a plan in advance. Decide:

• Will you attend family gatherings?
• Do you want a quiet day at home?
• Should you limit errands or shopping?
• What time will you step away if emotions rise?
• Who can you call if the day feels hard?

Having a plan gives you a sense of peace and control.

4. Prepare Responses to Difficult Questions

Sometimes, well-meaning people ask painful questions like:

• “When are you having kids?”
• “Why don’t you just relax?”
• “Have you thought about just adopting?”

Even when they mean no harm, those comments can sting, especially if you have experienced infertility and Mother’s Day has already been emotionally difficult in past years.

Prepare a few responses ahead of time:

• “We’re trusting the timing of our journey.”
• “We’d love your prayers and support.”
• “That’s personal, but thank you for caring.”
• “We’re hopeful and taking things one step at a time.”

You do not owe anyone your full story.
 

5. Protect Your Peace on Social Media

Mother’s Day online can feel overwhelming, with friends posting baby photos, glowing tributes, pregnancy announcements, and picture-perfect celebrations everywhere.

If social media tends to trigger sadness, it is okay to step back. Protecting your heart is healthy, not selfish.

Try:

• Logging off for the weekend
• Muting certain words or accounts temporarily
• Avoiding scrolling first thing in the morning
• Spending time offline doing something restorative
• Joining a few private online groups for waiting adoptive parents, where you can safely express your feelings.

If you choose to post on Mother’s Day, consider sharing your adoption journey in whatever way feels authentic—acknowledging your status as a mother-in-waiting can be empowering and educate others about the various paths to motherhood.
 

6. Take One Step Forward in Your Adoption Journey

Waiting can feel powerless. But even in the waiting, there are steps you can take.

Use this season as motivation to move forward in one small way:

• Finish your adoption profile
• Schedule a call with an adoption professional
• Update family photos
• Record your adoption video
• Organize paperwork
• Read encouraging adoption stories

Momentum can replace discouragement.

Even one step matters.
 

7. Hold Compassion for Birth Mothers, Too

Mother’s Day can also be deeply emotional for women who have placed a child for adoption.

Many birth mothers experience grief, love, pride, loss, and reflection all at once. Some feel unseen or misunderstood on a day centered around motherhood.

As a hopeful adoptive parent, remembering their perspective can deepen your compassion for the full adoption journey.

One day, your child’s story may include a brave woman carrying her own emotions this time of year.

8. Focus on the Mother You Are Becoming

Even though your child may not be in your arms yet, your journey toward motherhood is already shaping you.

You are learning patience. Strength. Faith. Endurance. Love. You are preparing your home, your heart, and your future.

Take time to reflect on how far you’ve come:

• Choosing adoption after heartbreak
• Completing your home study
• Building your support system
• Saying yes to hope again
• Continuing even when it’s hard

That matters more than you realize. For many women navigating holidays after infertility, this shift toward hope can be deeply healing.

Your baby will come to you at just the right time. Make Mother’s Day special by celebrating the fact that you are a mother-to-be. The timeline may not be clear, but you know you are doing all you can to move towards motherhood.
 

9. Celebrate Yourself This Year

Motherhood begins in the heart long before a child arrives. So this Mother’s Day, honor the woman you are right now.

You might:

• Book a massage or spa day
• Plan a weekend getaway
• Buy yourself flowers
• Write a letter to your future child
• Have a special dinner with your spouse
• Spend time doing something joyful

You are not “less than” because you are still waiting. You are a mother-in-waiting—and that deserves tenderness too.
 

What Mother’s Day Grief Can Feel Like

Sometimes grief doesn’t look like tears. It can show up as:

• Irritability
• Exhaustion
• Avoiding people
• Feeling jealous of other moms
• Crying unexpectedly
• Numbness
• Anxiety
• Shame
• Loneliness

For some women, this emotional pain on Mother’s Day can be surprising in its intensity. If any of these sound familiar, you are not failing. You are grieving something meaningful.

Childlessness on Mother’s Day Can Feel Invisible

One of the hardest parts of childlessness on Mother’s Day is that the grief is often unseen. Others may not realize the ache you carry or the dreams you are holding.

But invisible grief is still real grief. Your longing matters. Your story matters. Your future family matters.

Waiting to adopt can feel invisible, but your motherhood journey is real.

Frequently Asked Questions About Mother’s Day Grief

Is it normal to feel sad on Mother’s Day while waiting to adopt?

Yes. Many hopeful adoptive moms experience sadness, grief, jealousy, or longing on Mother’s Day. Those feelings are common and valid.

Should I skip Mother’s Day celebrations?

If attending celebrations would be emotionally draining, it is okay to set boundaries or skip events this year. Protecting your mental health matters.

Can I celebrate Mother’s Day before I adopt?

Many women choose to quietly honor their motherhood journey before placement. There is no right or wrong answer, only what feels meaningful to you.

Will this season always feel this painful?

Not always. Many women find that the grief changes over time, especially as healing, support, and progress in the adoption journey continue.

Coping With Mother’s Day Grief With Hope

There is no perfect way to handle Mother’s Day. You may want to celebrate with family. You may want to stay home. You may want to cry, laugh, unplug, pray, or do a little of everything.

Give yourself permission to do what feels healthiest for you. And hold onto this truth: waiting is not the end of your story.

Your child may not be in your arms today, but that does not mean they are not on their way.

Keep going. Keep hoping. Keep trusting the path in front of you. Your Mother’s Day is coming.

If you’re waiting to adopt and this season feels heavy, you don’t have to carry it alone. Our coordinators understand the emotions of waiting and are here to talk.
 

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on May 10, 2023, and has since been updated.