Digital Openness vs. Traditional Contact: How Open Adoption Is Evolving

Open adoption has always been about relationships — about connection and honesty with the best interests of the child always at the forefront. But in recent years, the way those relationships unfold has started to shift. Thanks to the rise of social media and digital tools, the definition of “openness” is not limited to scheduled visits or mailed photo updates. Today, open adoption contact can be as simple as a text message or as complex as managing boundaries on Instagram.

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Table of Contents

• What Is Open Adoption?
• Traditional Contact: Still a Meaningful Choice
• Benefits of Digital Contact
• Digital Openness: Connection in Real Time
• Challenges and Boundaries
• The Continuum of Contact
• A New Kind of Openness

So, what does a modern, open adoption really look like in the digital age? And how do adoptive families, birth parents, and adoptees navigate a relationship as they stay connected and maintain healthy boundaries?

Answering those questions really starts with a look at the traditional contact and understanding how a digital connection enhances the relationship for everyone.

What Is Open Adoption?

Open adoption refers to any adoption in which there is some level of communication or ongoing relationship between the birth family and the adoptive family. It can range from occasional photo updates to in-person visits or regular contact through phone, text, or social media.

There’s no single formula or recipe. Each relationship is unique, built on mutual agreement, trust, and the needs of the child.

Traditional Contact: Still a Meaningful Choice

In the past, open adoption usually meant exchanging letters and printed photos through an agency. Some adoptive families would even set up a P.O. Box or email account used just for adoption communication. Visits, if they happened, were usually scheduled in advance, and happened a handful of times as the child grew to adulthood.

This type of structured contact can still be a comforting and appropriate choice. There’s safety in the predictability and privacy it offers everyone, especially early on. Traditional contact allows everyone to ease into the relationship and build trust over time.

Jessica placed her daughter for adoption in 2004 and chose to have letters and photos sent to her. Every year, she receives a photo book and a handwritten letter from her daughter’s adoptive mother. “It’s enough,” she says. “I know she’s loved and happy. And I can read the letter in my own time. Sometimes I cry. Sometimes I smile. But I never feel forgotten.”

Digital Openness: Connection in Real Time

Today, open adoption often includes digital forms of contact, such as:

• Texting or messaging apps (like direct texting or Messenger)
• Shared photo albums (Google Photos, TinyBeans)
• Private Instagram or Facebook accounts
• Video calls (FaceTime or Zoom)
• Group chats

This type of communication allows for real-time connection and a sense of everyday closeness. For birth parents, being able to see a child’s Halloween costume or hear about their first soccer goal that day can mean everything.

It is interesting to note that digital openness allows (and prioritizes!) two-way communication. The focus is not simply on updating the birth parents on what the child is doing. It is an opportunity to build a relationship that is truly about embracing and growing the connection between everyone involved.

Families can certainly incorporate in-person visits into this framework as well. This type of ongoing connection makes those visits richer as the child has often had the opportunity to know more about their birth parent at a younger age.

Amanda and Josh adopted their son Liam in 2021. His birth mother, Sierra, lives in another state. They’ve never had an in-person visit, but they’ve maintained an ongoing connection through Instagram and monthly FaceTime calls. They created a private Instagram account just for Sierra, where they post candid photos and short videos every few days. “She’s like a long-distance aunt,” says Amanda. “She knows what he’s into, what he’s learning, and what makes him laugh. The connection is real.”

Benefits of Digital Contact

For many families, both birth and adoptive, digital openness offers real advantages:

• Convenience: A quick text or photo goes a long way.
• Consistency: It’s easier to share frequent updates, not just annual highlights.
• Flexibility: Communication can ebb and flow as life changes.
• Increased connection: Birth parents may feel more included and valued.
• Familiarity: With more frequent communication, the child will know their birth parents and be familiar with them from an early age.

Challenges and Boundaries

At the same time, digital openness requires thoughtful boundaries. Constant access can blur lines and create emotional strain if not managed well.
Some boundary-setting tips:

• Start with a clear agreement. Decide together what platforms to use and how often to connect.
• Use dedicated accounts. Private social media accounts or shared photo folders can separate adoption contact from daily life.
• Create ground rules. No outside sharing of photos without specific permission is a good one.
• Revisit expectations. Relationships grow and change, so should your communication plan.
• Respect privacy. Only share what you’re both comfortable with.
• Create emotional space. It’s okay to pause before replying to a message.

The Adoptee’s Role: Growing Into Connection

As the child grows, their voice should become more central to the adoption relationship. Open adoption isn’t just about adult preferences, it’s about creating a framework that serves the child’s lifelong story.

What starts as communication between adults eventually becomes something the adoptee participates in, and in many cases, leads. Children who grow up knowing their story, hearing from their birth family, and seeing that connection modeled in healthy ways are more likely to feel secure in their identity.

Some adoptees, especially teens and young adults, may choose to message or follow their birth parents on their own. Others may decide to pull back from contact for a season. Families who honor these shifts and allow space for curiosity or distance empower their child to grow and develop with emotional safety.

The best open adoptions recognize that the adoptee’s comfort, needs, and identity should always be primary. And that those needs will evolve over time and circumstance.

The Continuum of Contact

Openness in adoption is not static. It exists on a continuum. A birth mother might begin with regular updates and later step back. An adoptive family might begin cautiously and then grow into deeper connection. Contact can be frequent, quiet, limited, or deeply engaged, and it may change many times over the years.

The healthiest open adoptions treat this like a relationship, not a checklist. Flexibility, mutual respect, and a willingness to adjust are key.

What About Closed Adoptions Today?

Not all adoptions are open, and there are valid reasons for that.

Foster-to-adopt cases are often closed due to legal reasons. In some cases, contact is not safe or not allowed by the court. There may be no reliable way to maintain communication with a birth parent, or a judge may rule it out entirely based on the child’s best interests.

International or intercountry adoptions are also typically closed—not by choice, but by circumstance. Adopting from another country often involves limited or no contact with the birth family. Records may be sealed, incomplete, or simply non-existent.

However, even these “closed” adoptions are changing, thanks to technology. Adoptees have used DNA testing services, online search tools, and social media to find and connect with birth family members across the globe. Some have discovered siblings, aunts, or even birth parents decades after their adoption.

Technology doesn’t just make open adoption easier, it can reopen what was once considered permanently closed.

A New Kind of Openness

Open adoption in the digital age is about thoughtful and intentional connection. Whether through a yearly letter or a private Instagram feed, openness today is more customizable than ever before.

With care, boundaries, and empathy, adoptive families and birth parents can build meaningful relationships that honor the past, engage the present, and support the adoptee’s future.