Part of stepping into parenthood is learning about who your child is — their gifts, their talents, their unique personality. As an adoptive parent, you’ll have the opportunity to nurture your child as they grow, helping encourage them to develop into the person that God created them to be.
As you research the adoption process, you may be wondering if adopted kids have commonalities or similar traits. In other words, what are the common traits of adoptees?
Here’s one thing they have in common: They were raised by an adoptive family, not their birth parents.
But here’s the spoiler alert: There are no real commonalities with the traits or personalities of adopted children. They are all unique blessings that have distinct characteristics to bring to a family and to the world.
Here, we will debunk two of the common myths surrounding supposed common traits of adoptees.
Myth #1: Adopted kids don’t have a sense of identity.
This isn’t always the case. Of course, there are instances of adopted kids that grow up and want to dive deeper into their family history, meet extended family, or travel to the place they were born. Knowing their background, where they came from, and sometimes meeting others from their biological family can help give adopted children a sense of identity that they might need.
But not all adopted kids are struggling to find their identity. In fact, in open adoptions, birth parents and adopted families often stay connected to one another. Compared with closed adoptions, this gives the child a significant opportunity to learn about their heritage and background as they grow up and mature.
Knowing these things from a young age helps them tap into their identity early on. This knowledge results in the child having no sense of abandonment or separation. It can mean maintaining an intimate relationship with the birth family.
Myth #2: Adopted kids struggle with feelings of abandonment.
Again, this trait isn’t always true. Birth parents who choose adoption are not abandoning their child. They are making a loving decision to give their child the life that they know they can’t provide at this time.
Using the word abandoned regarding a birth mother’s decision implies that she didn’t want the child or that there was neglect when that might not have been the case. In open adoptions through an adoption agency like Lifetime Adoption, adoption isn’t like this. The birth mother (or other birth family members) create their child’s adoption plan — they choose the family and decide to have an ongoing relationship.
The truth is, adopted children come from all walks of life. Their backgrounds are diverse. And that gives them a distinct view of the world and the people around them.
This is a positive, not a negative. Adoptees experience life on an individual level, and adopted people can be anyone and can become anyone. Adoptees learn from their adoptive mom and dad what others learn from their biological parents. So as you can see, there really aren’t any common traits of adoptees.
If you are thinking about adopting a child, consider how you can encourage them to find their God-given gifts and talents. Consider what opportunities you can present to them that might awaken a special trait in them that they didn’t know they had.
One of the greatest blessings of being a parent to an adopted child is to see them discover who they are and help guide them in that.
We understand that choosing adoption is a big decision. Maybe you are a birth mother thinking about placing your child for adoption with a loving family. By choosing open adoption, you get the chance to pick the parents that will raise your baby and stay connected to them as your child grows up. Open adoption means you get to see your child’s one-of-a-kind qualities and traits that they were born with.
Or, perhaps you are a family looking to bring a child into your home to raise.
No matter where you are at in the adoption spectrum, we know you probably have many different questions that need to be answered and clarified.
Contact our experienced and compassionate team of adoption coordinators at Lifetime Adoption today. Just call or text us at 1-800-923-6784. We will help get you the answers you need! We look forward to talking with you.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”