Your adoption profile book will be the first impression expectant mothers have of your family, life, and environment. They will learn about your heart, motivations, parenting style, and the lifestyle you can provide for their child.
As you wait to be chosen by a prospective birth parent, your profile will eventually make a connection that, in most cases, you will want to maintain as your child grows.
Every adoptive couple working with Lifetime Adoption receives one-on-one guidance, advice, and suggestions from a dedicated Profile Specialist. With our support, you can craft a compelling and heartfelt profile. If you have questions about adopting through Lifetime or how we can help you create an effective adoption profile, email us or call 727-493-0933.
Creating a Compelling Adoption Profile Book
With adoption in the US, the adoption profile book is one of the most powerful tools in any hopeful adoptive parent’s process to adopt. A profile may look different from agency to agency, depending on how that adoption professional meets the needs of the potential birth mothers they assist. Yet every adoption profile book includes photos and text that help introduce the hopeful adoptive parents to the mother considering adoption.
Your online adoption profile may also include a video, providing birth parents a way to “meet you” virtually, to see your facial expressions, hear your voice, and watch how you interact with each other. Birth mothers of all ages and backgrounds can learn about you quickly from wherever they are on their phones.
Your profile is the first impression a birth mother gets of you, your lives, and what you have to offer as adoptive parents of her child. But before you panic about having a magazine-perfect home or trying to lose last year’s 15-pound weight gain (thanks to fertility meds!), know that most potential birth mothers only see the best in you.
They’re not reading profiles thinking any of the critical thoughts you may already have begun to obsess over in your mind. These women are looking to get to know YOU, not a future, better, perfect, totally-have-it-together you. She wants to know who you are and what her child’s life will be like in your family.
Tips to Unlock the Potential of Your Adoption Profile Book
Creating an adoption profile is a crucial and rewarding step in presenting your family to prospective birth parents. Here are five adoption profile tips for overcoming jitters so that you can put yourself out there and get discovered by a birth mother.
1. What you see is not likely what anyone else will see
If you’re worried about an “off” hair day or how one of your eyes tends to close more than the other when you smile that genuine smile, stop. The photos in your profile should showcase the real you, not a forced impression of who you think birth mothers are looking for. Choose photos that show off a variety of aspects of your life.
2. Birth mothers care more about the present and the future than they do about the past.
Who you were in high school, college, or even five years ago when you started trying to have a baby is not as interesting or important to women who are thinking about adoption as how her child will fit into your life now and what her child’s life will be like with you moving forward. Your adoption profile book isn’t a vision board or a treasured memories scrapbook. Your profile is a snapshot of your life so she can decide if she can see her baby as part of your family’s bigger picture.
3. Grammar and communication skills DO matter
You don’t have to be a well-versed author, clever poet, or even a savvy blogger to write a heartfelt, interesting adoption profile. Yet, spelling, punctuation, and basic grammar will make your profile much easier to read—which means she’ll have an easier time getting to know YOU.
4. Remain honest
It’s crucial to be honest in portraying who you are. Be open and truthful when crafting the details of your profile to reflect your family’s personality and living situation.
Your profile should highlight the “real” you, but the “real” you should be appropriate and respectful. When in doubt, leave it out of your profile.
5. Have courage and let your finished profile work for you
It takes guts to put yourself out there as hopeful adoptive parents. Once you’ve done the hard work with your home study, chosen the right adoption program, and created an amazing profile, let the process work for you.
Know that once you let your profile out into the world, you may feel a little vulnerable, but on the other side of the process is a woman in possibly the most vulnerable season of her life—as a woman choosing adoption, she will truly appreciate your efforts to introduce yourself to her as a future family for her baby.
What to Avoid
By avoiding the biggest profile mistakes, you can offset a lot of hard work and even shorten your wait. To avoid compromising your chances of being chosen, here are 10 things NOT to include in your profile.
1. Assuming Language
It’s important to avoid writing anything in your profile that implies you know what the birth mother is going through right now. A pregnant woman doesn’t have to be committed to choosing adoption in order to see profiles.
If you praise her for her decision or talk about your excitement to raise her child, you might put unwanted pressure on her. Here are a couple of examples of using assuming language in your adoption profile:
“We understand you’re going through a hard time right now.”
“You are so courageous in making such a selfless decision.”
2. Personal Information
Security is important in the adoption process, and we’re not saying it’s because birth parents are corrupt. The fact is, the information you’re putting out there is very public. If you’re hoping to adopt, you have to put yourself out there online. That means you’ll have to be okay with the fact that other people can see your profile.
When you create your profile, don’t include your last name, address, city, employer, alma mater, or any identifying info. The photos you show shouldn’t identify anything about you either. These are all things that scammers can use to find you. We recommend that you describe your lives in general terms such as “I work as an engineer at a local construction firm.”
You can provide birth families with a feel for your community, but don’t list your address or the name of your town. When birth parents want to connect with you, they can do so through your adoption professional.
3. Inappropriate Photos
It’s great to show your family’s silly side or candid moments with kids. But showing a photo of your spouse drunk at a college party or you in a skimpy bikini at the beach? Not so much.
Your photos certainly don’t have to be perfect. But make sure to choose the photos you include with care. Select photos where you’re appropriately covered up; birth parents don’t need to see you in a bikini or with your shirt off. Finally, check the background of your photos to make sure there are no alcoholic beverages.
4. Living in the Past
Avoid sharing elaborate stories and details about what you used to do and about your past. Some hopeful adoptive couples are tempted to tell long and romantic stories about how they met. However, your adoption profile book should focus on your family in the present and the future. Birth mothers are hoping to see what kind of life you have right now and what kind of life their child would have with you!
5. Emphasizing Fertility Issues
For many couples pursuing adoption, infertility is a part of their story. It’s fine to share this part of your story with birth parents since they’ll want to know why you want to adopt.
But it’s best to mention it briefly and then move on to sharing the future you’ll provide for a child. There’s no need to go into specifics about your diagnosis and treatment.
6. Phrasing About a Birth Parent’s Experience
Don’t give birth parents words that they might not be feeling because if you’ve put together a great profile, it’ll speak for itself. Avoid using language that puts words in expectant parents’ mouths, like, “We will love your baby more than you can imagine.”
We know that people mean well when they say this kind of thing but it can come across as offensive. Instead, focus on sharing about yourselves in your profile. Let birth parents process their thoughts and feelings without bias.
7. Posed Photos Only
It’s perfectly fine to include posed photos in an adoption profile. They’re a great way to show your family in a favorite location at home, on vacation, or at a family celebration. However, it can be limiting to have a profile book made up solely of posed photos. To give birth parents a complete picture of your family, include a mix of action and posed photos.
8. Promises You Can’t Keep
Your profile is the perfect place to share your commitment to your child’s birth parents. Avoid giving promises you have no idea if you’ll be able to keep, such as inviting them over to your house on holidays or having monthly visits.
Many factors will determine the nature and extent of openness with your child’s birth family, and these factors might change over time. Don’t set up the birth family for disappointment before you’ve even started your relationship.
9. Tons of Text
There’s no need to share your entire life story in your profile. For example, birth parents don’t want to read lengthy stories about your relationship.
Your profile should share a bit about each area of your life, including your family, occupation, faith, and home. If you spark their interest, they can ask you follow-up questions when you speak over the phone. You can always get into more detail then.
10. Anything That Isn’t Authentically YOU
Your profile should accurately reflect you and your family. Avoid trying to come across as something you’re not or portraying the life you want for yourself.
Birth parents aren’t expecting you to be perfect. But they also don’t want to see a generic couple that could be any family in any town in the US. Share your individuality by talking about your family life, hobbies, and vacation adventures.
Connecting With Your Future Child’s Birth Mother
At Lifetime, we constantly hear from women about how impressed they were with the adoptive parent profiles. Your words and photos will speak volumes to the potential birth mothers who pick up your profile, EVEN IF they remain undecided about adoption or decide to raise their baby.
However, with the right profile, your future child’s birth mother will connect with you in a way she may never have words to explain—she’ll know it’s right, and you’ll probably feel the same way about her. And someday soon, you’ll find that your profile has become a treasured keepsake that began your child’s adoption story.
Contact us today if you have questions about adopting through Lifetime or how we help hopeful adoptive parents build a strong adoption profile.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on April 9, 2018, and has since been updated.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”
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