Many times when speaking to potential adoptive parents, I find that they are a bit wary when the conversation gets to the open part of open adoption. I’ve found that many parents simply don’t know what to expect. When they hear about sharing letters & photos or even visits with a birthmother, they often become quite uncomfortable.
The reality is that for children of open adoption, contact with or knowledge of their birthmother is absolutely normal. There are few questions of who or why, it is just naturally part of their heritage.
As far as contact with a birthmother, when the match is being made through an agency or facilitator, one of the major things that should be considered is what each party is committed to with the degree of contact. No one wants to see a birthmother heartbroken when her chosen family fails to keep their commitment or make a commitment when it comes to contact. And also, a family shouldn’t feel as though they have to agree to something they are not comfortable with, simply to be successful with adoption.
There are wonderful children’s books out there for parents who would like to build a library for their children to help teach them why adoption makes them so special, and why their birthmothers are incredible people who made their safe, loving, secure life possible.