“I’m 21 weeks pregnant and the father of my baby wants nothing to do with me and the baby. He’s told me to get an abortion and has blocked me on everything, so I cannot contact him. What can I do? Can I somehow get financial support from him? I’m feeling so alone during my pregnancy, and I’m unsure what to do right now.”
Whether or not your pregnancy was planned, it takes two people to make a baby. You and the baby’s father were supposed to be in this together. When you’re pregnant and single, you can’t help but feel betrayed and rejected when you lack support from the one person you want it from the most. While it is completely unfair for the weight of this situation to fall solely on your shoulders, you are not alone, and you are still in control of your future.
Give It Some Time
Give your baby’s father some time to come around. People’s first reactions aren’t always their finest moments. He may have just had a knee-jerk reaction to this life-changing news. He might be thinking:
I’m not ready to be a father.
I never planned to have kids.
What will people think of me?
After some time to process and imagine a different life path, he may be more willing to support you with your decision. Pressuring him one way or the other won’t do any good. For now, try to focus on what’s best for you and your baby.
Don’t Let Anyone Pressure You
If you find yourself pregnant and alone, remember that this is your life and your choice.
Do not let the baby’s father pressure you into getting an abortion. That is a permanent decision that you may regret for the rest of your life if it is not what you truly want. This is your future, and only you can decide what will be best for you and your baby. As you go through your pregnancy without the father, know that you have options!
Becoming a Single Parent
While weighing the option to parent your child, imagine that life as a single parent. Maybe your baby’s father will come around, but at this moment, you can’t base your plans on him. Is being a single mom something you can handle both financially and emotionally?
Support services such as WIC and Medicaid can help ease the financial strain of being a single parent. Many single pregnant moms receive aid from such services yet barely scrape by with the high cost of childcare.
Your baby’s father will also be required to pay child support. A court cannot force the baby’s father to have a physical or emotional relationship with his child, but they can require the father to provide financial assistance.
Ideally, your baby’s father will agree to a paternity test to collect child support from him. If he does not cooperate, you can file a civil lawsuit to determine paternity. In some cases, you can file a lawsuit before your baby is born. Paternity laws differ by state, so you should consult an attorney specializing in family law.
Exploring the Option of Adoption
If you’re a single pregnant woman and can’t imagine raising your child on your own, adoption may be the answer you are looking for. In a modern, open adoption, you have complete control over the entire process. The adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption will help you every step of the way. You will be able to:
- Receive counseling and support
- Browse online profiles of hopeful adoptive families
- Meet and get to know the adoptive family before you make a decision
- Receive updates about your child as they grow
- Decide on the amount of contact you would like to keep with your child throughout his life.
Can I Choose Adoption if the Baby’s Father Is Not Involved?
Generally, adoption requires both parents’ consent, but there are some circumstances where it can be done without the father’s consent.
The information we share here is not intended as legal advice, and adoption laws vary in each state. Depending on what state you are in, you may not need the father’s consent if:
- He is abusive.
- He is a convicted felon.
- He is currently in jail.
- He is dealing with drug addiction.
- He can’t be found.
However, the best scenario for a smooth adoption process is to get the father’s consent in writing. Your adoption professionals or an adoption attorney can guide you through this.
The baby’s father could object to the adoption, but that usually only happens if he wants custody of the child. If your baby’s father does not provide support during your pregnancy or cannot show that he will be able to support the child properly, he can be denied the right to object to the adoption.
When Shelby found out she was pregnant, she was a single mom to her son and struggling to make ends meet. “In my experience, going through pregnancy alone is lonely and scary. My boyfriend and I were planning our future together, but he ghosted me when he found out I was pregnant. My parents, who helped me out during my first pregnancy, were disappointed in me, and we didn’t speak for weeks,” Shelby shares.
As a pregnant single mom, Shelby realized she was not in a place where she felt she could parent another child. After examining her options and searching her heart, Shelby started considering adoption.
“Being pregnant solo and imagining what I wanted my child’s life to look like was a huge factor in why I chose adoption. It’s your baby, you want to give them the best you can. It takes a lot of strength to recognize that maybe you are not the person that can do that,” says Shelby.
Two years later, her relationship with her daughter gives her a lot of peace about her decision to place for adoption. She has an open adoption with her daughter and her daughter’s adoptive family, making them seem a lot like an extended family. “Since her adoption, I’ve done a lot of healing, growth, and grieving,” Shelby says. “Now, the joy and the gratitude I feel has outgrown my grief about placing her for adoption.”
Whether you are struggling financially, cannot parent another child right now, or want to provide your baby with more than you can offer, adoption can be a positive, loving choice.
Make a Choice That’s Right for You
If your baby’s father changes his mind about being a part of his child’s life, you can start making these plans together. But for now, focus on what’s best for you and your baby.
Your baby has created a connection between you and this man that could last for the next 18 years, but you are still in control of what that relationship looks like. You have your baby’s future to consider, and you need to make the best choices for your health and happiness too. The adoption professionals at Lifetime Adoption can offer support and non-judgmental guidance for whichever path is right for you.
Curious about adoption? Call or text Lifetime Adoption at
1-800-923-6784, anytime. You can also contact us here for free adoption information.
1-800-923-6784, anytime. You can also contact us here for free adoption information.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on May 22, 2020, and has since been updated.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.
I need some advice, I am currently pregnant with my bf but I found out he had a baby recently . Idk what to do
Thank you for reaching out, Nuntiya. While no one can tell you what to do with your life, you might try chatting with a close friend or family member about your situation and your next steps from here. You are not alone, and you are still in control of your future. If you’d like to explore the option of adoption, you can call or text Lifetime anytime at 1-800-923-6784.
My name is Alana an I’m 3 mouth pregnant the father doesn’t want relationship doesn’t want the child he told me get a abortion cuz he in relationship with his other baby mama I’m the 4th baby mama an I didn’t know at all had to find out I’m alone an idk what to do I feel so lonely an it hurts
So sorry to hear that, Alana! It really does hurt when you don’t have support from the one person you want it from the most. Have you tried talking about your situation and your next steps with a close friend or family member?
Even though no one can tell you what to do with your life, you are not alone. You are still in charge of your future and your baby’s future. If you’d like to explore the option of adoption, you can call or text Lifetime anytime at 1-800-923-6784.
I would like to say I gave birth a month ago and this is my situation as well it’s sad that people can handle you this way but what got me through it is pray and I’m still sad and dealing with it but stay strong it will get better.
Alana you are not alone. I’m in same situation as you. I’m the fourth baby mother he lied to me the whole time and never told me he was with any of his baby mother. Now I’m pregnant and alone. Same situation like your but I know I got this Im in control of my future. I have a therapist who I talk to he helps a lot for me to plan ahead so I won’t get overalls stess.
I need some advice I’m almost 6 months pregnant Nd he left saying “he doesn’t want a relationship, he wants to talk to many girls” i want to try Nd make us work for are son will no contact work after his been gone for 2 months
Thank you for reaching out for advice. Many women have been in your situation, so you are not alone. But you are still in control of your future and your baby’s future! Consider if being a single mom something you can handle both financially and emotionally. We have shared links to support services in this blog post that can help you get ready to become a single mom. If you can’t imagine raising your child on your own, adoption may right for you. To learn more about adoption, call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784, anytime.
I’m 17, and my boyfriend got me pregnant and broke up with me. He’s telling me he doesn’t want to be a dad, that people will look at him differently, and he threatened that he was going to die if I went through with it. He keeps telling me I can’t make this baby happy or have a good life, and I don’t know what to do. Please help.
Thank you for reaching out. While no one can tell you what to do with your life, you might try chatting with a close friend or family member about your situation and your next steps from here. You are not alone, and you are still in control of your future. If you’d like to explore the option of adoption, you can call or text Lifetime anytime at 1-800-923-6784.
Hello, my boyfriend and I decided to get pregnant and when I confirmed I was, he said he wasnt ready that he was shocked that I was pregnant and he needed to think and we would talk. it’s been a week withouth any contact from him,not even to see if I am ok He is 35,with a very good job. I wonder if I should give him time and how much. He really hurt me and I dont think I want someone like him close to my unborn baby. Sometimes I feel I should just block him.
Hi Maria, I’m so sorry! That can be a difficult place to be in. The reality is that he is the baby’s father and has rights and responsibilities to both you and your unborn baby. I would suggest that you reach out to him to learn his intentions — Is he going to step up and be a father? Or will he support you in choosing adoption for your baby? If you know his intentions, it will help you know how to move forward. Please know you can call or text Lifetime anytime at 1-800-923-6784 and we can help!