The adoption journey is filled with excitement, anticipation, and yes, waiting. While the adoption process doesn’t follow a predictable schedule, this waiting period presents a unique opportunity to prepare meaningfully for your future child’s arrival.
How do you prepare to adopt a child? Rather than putting your life on hold, you can use this time productively to strengthen your relationship, prepare your home environment, and deepen your understanding of the adoption process.
The adoption wait can bring a rollercoaster of emotions, including excitement, apprehension, joy, and uncertainty. One thing it isn’t is predictable. Adoptions don’t typically happen in an organized, scheduled manner, and you may feel like you have little control over what occurs. However, you do have control over how you respond and what you do to prepare for your child’s arrival.
Table of Contents
- Document Your Journey Through Writing
- Take Meaningful Trips Together
- Prepare Your Pets for the New Arrival
- Learn About Birth Mothers
- Explore Your Community
- Embracing the Wait with Purpose
Document Your Journey Through Writing
One of the most meaningful ways to spend your adoption wait is by documenting this special time in your life. Consider starting an adoption blog or keeping a detailed journal about your journey. This practice serves multiple purposes: it keeps you busy during the wait, provides a therapeutic outlet for your emotions, and creates a beautiful story to share with your child about how eagerly you anticipated their arrival.
Writing about your adoption experience can also help educate family and friends about what you’re going through during this waiting period. There are numerous free blogging platforms available, including WordPress and Blogger. If blogging feels too public, a private journal works equally well.
For those who prefer structured guidance, consider using a specialized adoption journal that provides prompts to help you record important experiences at every step of the way. These guided journals help ensure you capture memories and emotions that you’ll treasure later.
Many adoptive parents find writing to be restorative during the wait. As one adoptive mother shares, “For me, writing is therapeutic. I was grateful for the outlet of blogging during our adoption wait.” This documentation becomes not just a personal outlet, but a precious keepsake that tells the story of your child’s anticipated arrival.
Take Meaningful Trips Together
The adoption wait represents one of your final opportunities to travel as a couple before becoming parents. Rather than postponing life until after your child arrives, embrace this time by planning meaningful trips together—whether that’s a major vacation or simple weekend getaways.
Consider taking a “babymoon” vacation, similar to how expectant parents might take a babymoon before their biological child’s birth. Getting away from it all and relaxing can be an effective way to survive the adoption wait while nurturing your relationship. You might save up for a significant trip or simply explore destinations near your home.
Planning vacations can take your mind off the wait and give you something positive to anticipate. While you might feel tempted to avoid travel because you don’t know when you’ll receive “the call” from your adoption agency, it’s important not to put your entire life on hold. Purchase travel insurance and flexible tickets, and then proceed with your plans.
Many couples find these trips especially meaningful because they represent their last months of being child-free. As one adoptive father recalls, “My wife and I went on a six-day Caribbean cruise. It was nice to have this trip to look forward to while making our profiles and doing all the paperwork. And, it was nice to have one final vacation together before we became parents.”
Please remember to inform your adoption coordinator about your travel plans and ensure they have a way to reach you if needed. We will still try to contact you about potential matches while you’re traveling, so staying accessible ensures you won’t miss important opportunities.
Prepare Your Pets for the New Arrival
If you’re like many couples, your dog or cat truly is your first “baby.” While your pet will remain a cherished family member when your child arrives, your routines will undoubtedly change, which can confuse your furry friend. The adoption wait is the perfect time to help your pets adjust to the expanded family gradually.
Preparing Dogs for Baby
Dogs thrive on predictability, and a newborn dramatically alters not only your life but your dog’s routine as well. Your dog will soon need to share your attention with a baby, and won’t understand why these changes are happening. Don’t wait until your baby is home to start helping your dog adjust.
During your adoption wait, start making adjustments to help your dog get used to a new schedule. Consider enrolling your dog in a basic obedience class to address any behavioral issues, like jumping up to greet visitors at the door. Give your pet exposure to babies by taking them to parks where they can observe children from a distance, helping them gradually become accustomed to the sounds and sights of children.
Preparing Cats for Baby
Cats rely heavily on consistency, so any changes to their environment should be gradual. Even small changes can cause stress for cats. Prepare your cat for baby sounds, as crying can be very disturbing to felines. Start by playing recordings of baby sounds at low volume during your cat’s playtime or meals, then gradually increase the volume slightly during each subsequent session.
You can also prepare your cat for baby smells by wearing the types of powders, lotions, and other products you’ll use with the baby. When you eventually bring your baby home, consider getting a blanket from the hospital where your baby was born to help your cat adjust to those new scents.
Planning Ahead for Pet Care
When you receive the call that your birth mother is at the hospital, you’ll need to travel and may be away for up to three weeks. It’s wise to arrange pet care now rather than scrambling to find help at the last minute.
Choose a reliable pet sitter who can feed your pets and walk your dog. Consider doing a practice run for one night, and provide detailed instructions including food portions and supply locations.
Make any anticipated changes to your pets’ routines well in advance of your child’s arrival. These changes might include spending more time outdoors or in a crate. By making these adjustments now, you ensure your pets don’t associate the changes with the new baby’s arrival.
Learn About Birth Mothers
Understanding birth mothers and their situations is crucial for building a strong relationship with the woman who chooses you, and it will help you explain your child’s adoption story to them in the future.
Birth mothers typically face challenging circumstances: they often have little support, may be living paycheck to paycheck, and have been through difficult experiences. Part of what adoptive families can offer is simple kindness and compassion.
Hopeful adoptive families who understand what birth mothers experience are better able to develop stronger relationships with them. This understanding also prepares you to answer your child’s future questions about their birth mother with empathy and insight.
Resources for Learning About Birth Mothers
Birth Mother Blogs: Follow adoption agency blogs specifically written for women considering adoption. These provide firsthand insight into the guidance being offered to potential birth mothers and help you understand their perspective.
Books and Articles: Read materials written from birth mothers’ perspectives. Look for resources that share what birth mothers want adoptive parents to know, as these provide invaluable insights into their experiences and feelings.
Educational Materials: Books that cover every aspect of adoption can help you understand where birth mothers are coming from. While there’s no “typical” birth mother, educational resources provide glimpses into common experiences and challenges.
Webinars and Videos: Many organizations offer videos featuring birth mothers sharing their adoption experiences. These personal stories provide insight from real experiences and often include question-and-answer sessions that address common concerns.
Remember that every birth mother’s situation is unique, but understanding common challenges and perspectives will help you approach your relationship with empathy and respect.
Explore Your Community
Rather than spending your adoption wait focused solely on the waiting, use this time to reconnect with your spouse and explore your local community.
This activity serves multiple purposes: it takes your mind off the wait, strengthens your relationship, and helps you enjoy your final months as a child-free couple.
Sit down with your spouse and create a “bucket list” of local spots to explore. Think like tourists in your own area; what attractions, restaurants, museums, or venues have you always meant to visit but never made time for? Use review sites like Yelp for inspiration by searching for “things to do” in your city. Consider including:
- Unique restaurants you’ve wanted to try
- Local museums you’ve never visited
- New entertainment venues
- Outdoor activities or parks
- Cultural events or festivals
- Day trips to nearby attractions
How Do You Prepare to Adopt a Child?
Plan to tackle something from your list each weekend or whenever you have free time. These activities provide positive experiences to anticipate while you’re completing adoption paperwork and creating your online profile. They also offer opportunities to strengthen your relationship and create final memories as a couple before becoming parents.
As one adoptive mother reflects, “When we were waiting, my husband and I picked out something fun to do in our area each weekend. We checked out the new independent theater and ate at all new restaurants. It was nice to have activities like this to look forward to when we were doing our adoption paperwork and making our profiles. Looking back, I’m so glad we had these fun weekends together before we became parents.”
Embracing the Wait with Purpose
The adoption wait doesn’t have to be a time of anxiety and impatience. By approaching this period with intentionality, you can transform waiting into meaningful preparation. Whether you’re documenting your journey, traveling together, preparing your pets, learning about birth mothers, or exploring your community, each activity serves to enrich your experience and prepare you for parenthood.
Remember that you don’t have to put your life on hold during your adoption wait. Instead, view this time as a gift—an opportunity to strengthen your relationship, prepare your home and heart, and create lasting memories of this unique chapter in your journey to parenthood.
The unpredictable nature of adoption means you can’t control all the details, but you can control your response. By staying productive, connected, and purposeful during your wait, you’re not just passing time—you’re actively preparing to welcome your child with open arms and an open heart.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on March 20, 2017, and has since been updated.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”
0 Comments