The domestic adoption process can be an exciting, nerve-wracking, and overwhelming time. Between preparing for a new child to join your family, setting up your home study, and the wait, it is easy to forget to take the time to focus on each other.
Most couples are home now more than ever, and regular routines have gone out the window. This can create more time to over-analyze, bicker with each other, or focus on deepening your relationship and enjoy each other’s company. While it is important to spend time focusing on the tasks needed to help you achieve your adoption dream, be sure to allocate time with each other that does not involve talking about adoption.
Concentrate on cementing the foundation of your relationship. Adoption and infertility treatments can be stressful to your marriage, so having a solid foundation is important. Soon enough, you will be moving into another phase of your lives and will be very busy caring for your child.
Here are five fun ideas to reconnect and energize your marriage during this time:
1. Take time to sit together and just talk.
Not about adoption, or what is on the news. Reminisce about fun times, share amusing stories with each other from when you were growing up. The saying “Laughter is good for the soul” is very true. Laughter releases endorphins that make us feel great. When you laugh with your spouse, it brings you closer and enhances your emotional connection.
2. Have a date night – or date day.
Can’t go out? No problem, have a candlelit dinner, a picnic in the yard, or build a fort, like when you were kids. Have some decadent treats while you block out the rest of the world for a while.
3. Play games.
Pull out some board games you haven’t played in forever. No board games? Grab a deck of cards and look up card games on the internet. There are a ton of fun ones.
4. Go for a walk.
Look up some trails in your area that you have not experienced yet. Explore, and don’t forget to hold hands as you take in the beautiful scenery on your hike.
5. Surprise each other.
Commit to surprising your spouse once or twice a week with a treat. Whether it is a special outing, breakfast in bed, or even taking over a chore they normally do for a day. Just a little something to make your loved one feel special and loved.
Once you have made the decision to adopt, it will become a large part of your marriage. It will take time and work. Between paperwork, profiles, and deadlines, it may feel like there is no time for anything else, but there is. Make sure to set aside time for fun and love. You have to continue to live your life as you go through the adoption process.
You may also both experience different emotions at different times as you navigate your adoption experience. Be patient and understanding with each other. If one of you is feeling overwhelmed or anxious, try and be the strong one. The wait can be difficult, and you will need true teamwork. Trust each other to be there during hard or emotional times. Always lean in, not out. You are working on building your family, and you two are the foundation.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”