Love From Afar: Celebrating Birth Mother’s Day and Her Selfless Choice

Mother’s Day evokes tender images for many people: flower bouquets, breakfast in bed, and handmade crafts and cards. It’s a big deal, as it should be! Every mom deserves a day to be acknowledged and celebrated for her endless hours of love, sacrifice, and devotion to her family.
  
But there is one mother who may have some complicated feelings about this day: your child’s birth mother. Mother’s Day can be a profoundly complex holiday for birth mothers who have placed children for adoption. While many celebrate with flowers and breakfast in bed, birth mothers often experience this day through a different emotional lens.
  
For birth mothers, Mother’s Day can bring a mixture of grief, pride, love, and longing. They made one of the most selfless decisions possible—placing their child with another family when they believed it was in the child’s best interest. Yet society rarely acknowledges their motherhood or the ongoing emotional connection they maintain with their children, even from afar.
   

The Origins of Birth Mother’s Day

Birth Mother’s Day honors the remarkable woman who helped create your family through her selfless choice. Families celebrate this special day on the second Saturday of May, just before Mother’s Day.
  
Mary Jean Wolch-Marsh, drawing from her personal journey as a birth mother, established this day of recognition. Despite feeling like a mother, people around her failed to acknowledge this profound aspect of her identity. She created this observance to give all birth mothers an opportunity to embrace the complex emotions surrounding their adoption experience.
   
Each birth mother’s journey is unique, so your birth mother will have her own preferences on this day. Respect those preferences. It is ultimately a day for her to affirm every emotion attached to her experience: the joy as well as the sorrow, grief, and pain. You can participate in this special day by expressing gratitude to the woman who made you parents.
   

How to Recognize Your Child’s Birth Mother

While we think it’s totally appropriate to celebrate birth mothers all weekend long, Birth Mother’s Day is a chance to highlight the amazing, brave, loving women behind each adoption story.
  
One of the most common questions future adoptive parents have to work through for themselves is, “What would it be like to raise a child who also had another family that loved him first?”
  
A child’s birth mother will always be a special part of their story. As Lifetime’s adoptive parents share, once you get to know the ONE birth mother who has chosen you to become her baby’s family, the natural progression is to grow a deep love and care for that amazing woman who made your adoption dreams come true.
  
This Mother’s Day weekend, as you recognize your own adoption miracle or pray for the next step in your adoption goals, take a moment to celebrate the brave love that threads between all birth mothers. Here are 7 ways you can honor and celebrate birth mothers on this special day:
   

1. Honor your adoption agreement.

Today is a great day to share pictures and updates, but make sure you honor the terms of your open adoption all year.  By keeping true to your word, you’re taking action to develop a trusting connection with the birth family. Allow your relationship to grow naturally.
  
As much as you love your child’s birth mother, she will likely also share a deep appreciation, or even gratitude, for the life you’ll give her child. If you have an open adoption, make sure you honor this special connection by keeping your word about ongoing contact and sharing updates with your child’s birth mother or family. 
   

2. Send a card.

Reach out and let your child’s birth mother know you’re thinking of her! Many women who have placed a child for adoption feel forgotten or overlooked on Mother’s Day. She’ll most likely be touched that you remembered her story.
  
You may consider a handmade card or craft if your child is old enough to create one. Your child’s birth mother will appreciate these tokens from the heart.
   

3. Send a gift.

If you have a relationship, you can personalize your gift to her specific interests and passions. Consider creating a customized photo gift through a site like Shutterfly. You might order a sweet photo gift like a phone case, photo printed on canvas, photo ornament, or a calendar to send your child’s birth parents.
  
A piece of adoption jewelry also makes a great gift. Jewelry containing a symbolic charm, birthstone, or the adoption symbol is a particularly thoughtful gesture.  Getting a sweet reminder that they’re cherished is so thoughtful because holidays can be hard for those who have experienced loss. 
   

4. Get together.

If your open adoption agreement includes occasional visits, this day is the perfect time to schedule some time together. You can go for a hike, participate in a common hobby, meet up at a park, or go out for a special dinner. Whatever you decide to do, make sure you have an opportunity to talk and connect.
  
Check-in with your child’s birth family to find out what’s working (and what isn’t) with your relationship. If your child isn’t old enough to express their needs or desires, you can speak on their behalf. Be open to making adjustments to this relationship as needed. By checking in, it shows your child’s birth family that you genuinely care about their feelings and well-being. Your relationship will naturally change and evolve over time, and flexibility’s important. 
   

5. Show Your Support

Donating to the Lifetime Adoption Foundation is a great way to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day and show your support to birth mothers everywhere. This 501(c)3 non-profit helps birth mothers before, during, and after adoption.
  
Purchasing an Adoption Prayer Bracelet from the Lifetime Adoption Foundation helps women who have chosen adoption for their child! You can shop at AdoptionPrayerBracelet.com for her favorite style and color today. Adoptive moms and adoptive moms-to-be love these beautiful, encouraging, handmade Adoption Prayer Bracelets.
  
You can also shop their Amazon Wish List to help birth mothers. All of the items on this list go directly to women who have chosen adoption for their child and need some basic necessities to help them along the way.
  

6. Share on Social Media

Share a post about birth mothers that helps your personal circle understand the other side of the adoption story you’re trying to create as a hopeful adoptive parent. Many people believe in outdated views or stereotypes about birth mothers, so it helps to spread positive awareness.
  
Lifetime Adoption and our friends at Brave Love have many posts on Facebook or Instagram that would be worth sharing! Use #NationalBirthMothersDay and #BirthMothersDay when you celebrate and share on social media.
  

7. Pray

Remember birth mothers and women who are thinking about adoption in your prayers. Pray for your child’s (or your future child’s!) birth mother.
  
Adoption is a difficult, heart-wrenching choice to make, but it’s one made out of love. A birth mother loves her child so much that she wants to give them a better life; one that she’s unable to provide. After the adoption, she’ll think about her child often and love them for the rest of her life. Adoption is a choice made out of love.
  
There are many reasons that women choose to place a baby for adoption, most of which usually involve difficult circumstances. Pray for birth mothers, and not just for the baby.
   

What if We’re Not in Contact With Her?

If you don’t maintain contact with your child’s birth mother, you can still honor her on this day. Create a ritual like retelling your child’s adoption story or adding to a scrapbook. This practice is also beneficial for your child. Respect for your child’s birth history positively impacts your child’s developing identity.
  
Your child’s birth mother may also choose not to celebrate Birth Mother’s Day. She may prefer you recognize her on Mother’s Day, or she may wish to spend this day alone. Be respectful of her wishes.
   

Celebrating Does Not Lessen Your Role as Parents

Recognizing your child’s birth mother doesn’t take anything away from the fact that you are your child’s parents. You can have a compassionate, trusting relationship with your birth mother while maintaining the boundaries of your adoption agreement. Your child will benefit from seeing positive interactions between you and her birth mother.
   

Honoring Her on Birth Mother’s Day

Remember that Mother’s Day might be a difficult time for your birth mother. Just like any other loss, anniversaries such as these can start the grieving process all over again. Even if it’s been years since you became a family, continue to show your birth mother that her sacrifice created something beautiful.
  
The grief a birth mother experiences isn’t a sign that she regrets her decision but rather evidence of the depth of her love. Mother’s Day can be both a reminder of loss and an opportunity to honor the unique form of motherhood that birth mothers embody—one characterized by sacrifice and putting a child’s needs above her own.
  
Show your child’s birth mother how her decision to choose adoption has created a ripple effect of love and joy for many lives. However you decide to honor her, make this a day of reflection and gratitude for the woman who chose a hopeful future for your child. You are a family because of her!
 

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on May 6, 2020, and has since been updated.