What if He’s Against the Adoption?

You have decided open adoption is the right choice for the future of your baby. Your baby’s father has decided it isn’t. What do you do?

There are ways to manage this tricky situation. Start by having a conversation with him. Appeal to his logic rather than emotion when you talk to your baby’s father about adoption. Share with him all of the struggles that come with raising a baby. Help him to understand that late nights, regular feeding, childcare and diaper changes don’t fit within his current lifestyle.

You can also present him with numbers. Provide a list of all of the expenses that go along with having a child. Include day-to-day expenses, like diapers, food, clothing and daycare. Don’t forget big expenses like safety proofing, car seats, cribs and more. Then add the costs that come up with time. Everything from school supplies to college savings must be planned for when raising a child.If he’s still against adoption, he’ll have to prove that he is able to support and care for a child. He will need to show that he has financial stability, and that he’s living in a safe environment to raise a child in. Though the laws vary from state-to-state, in almost all cases the birth father has an uphill battle for gaining custody.

You may be able to help him see that the best way he can provide for his child is to agree to an open adoption. Show him profiles of the parents who are waiting to adopt. Let him see the couples that could offer happy homes and secure lives to your child. You might even ask him to help you pick the criteria in choosing parents. Maybe he wants to make sure that his child will be raised by a family that makes education a priority. He might desire that his child be raised by a couple with a similar cultural background as his. You can talk these things over with him and agree together on the right home for your child. 

Don’t forget to tell him that he can still be a part of his child’s life. He can get updates on his child’s well-being in the same manner that you choose. He can even have face-to-face meetings. Most adopted children want relationships with both of their birth parents as they grow up. Including the birth father in the open adoption can be a wonderful choice for all of you. 

If he still doesn’t agree to the adoption, talk with your Adoption Coordinator. She will work to ensure all of you are operating within your rights as you continue the open adoption process. She may also help you find more ways to discuss the matter with your baby’s father to help him understand that open adoption is best.