Remember Where It All Began…
National Birth Mother’s Day
(celebrated the Saturday before Mother’s Day)
The landmark day you became adoptive parents… It’s pretty clear that the day of your adoption is not like any other day. It’s the day you became a mother, your husband became a father and your parents became grandparents. Your life is forever changed and no other event will ever encompass all you have gone through to get to this day.
There is someone else who is a very important person; someone who had deep feelings of loss and sadness on that day. That special person is your child’s birth mother. She has gone through a great ordeal to bring you this day. Without her, none of you would have come together.
All members of the adoption triad will remember this day vividly and with deep emotion.
Sadly, it is sometimes necessary to point out and remind adoptive parents, or parents-in-waiting that these children find their adoptive parents after a long and often difficult journey suffered by their birth mothers. We must never forget this very important woman who, by strength of character, or difficulty in circumstances, or both, opted to give the gift of a child to those who could not have one. For this reason alone they deserve respect, recognition, consideration, thoughtfulness and kindness, from those who benefit from their adoption decision.
Letters and pictures, at the very least, are not much to ask and often provide your birth mother with hope and encouragement about the decision she made. When she sees a happy and healthy picture of her birth child, she has confirmation that her adoption decision was the right one.
The occasional visit, if agreed upon and handled wisely, can help to balance out the lives of each person involved: the birth mother, the child and the adoptive family, by honoring the wishes of the person who gave them so very much.
Should you doubt these truths, seek out some stories on open adoption, speak to someone who is a birthparent, or ask your adoption professional for some references to reinforce your decision to choose open adoption. Then, honor your birth mother’s wishes, always.
You are your child’s parents, no doubt. But a birth mother never forgets the birth of her child. Even if the child is out of her sight, they will never be truly be gone from her memory. This woman was your child’s first mother and because of this, your child will always remain in her memory and in her heart.
Please, take the time to send pictures regularly or when requested. Whatever your adoption agreement is with the birth mother, commit to it and follow through as promised. If you need any incentive, simply look into your child’s eyes and remember where it all began!
About the Author
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is a nationally recognized authority on adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner, Caldwell is the founder of the nationwide adoption organization Lifetime Adoption Center, LLC., established in 1986. Caldwell has assisted in over 1,800 successful adoptions.
Author of a number of award-winning books, Caldwell has more than 225 media credits to her name, including: Larry King Live, ABC News, NBC’s The Today Show, CNN Headline News, CNN’s The Campbell Brown Show, CBS News, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN’s Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, Dr. Laura, and is widely sought for print articles and speaking engagements.
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