What to Expect and How to Prepare
The best day of the newborn adoption process is here. After completing paperwork, going through the home study, and waiting – it’s time to meet your baby! Adopting a newborn from the hospital is often the most anticipated event in an adoptive family’s journey.
Arriving at the hospital will likely be one of your most intense and emotional experiences. You may be overwhelmed with joy and enthusiasm but also may face some lurking anxieties as you await your baby. I’ll share what to expect and how to prepare for hospital adoption. I’ve also answered some common questions that adoptive parents have and shared additional resources about what to expect when your baby arrives!
The Adoption Hospital Plan
Preparing for birth is often the hardest part for birth mothers. Birth parents know that leaving the hospital without their baby in their arms will be one of the most challenging things they’ll ever face.
Lifetime Adoption encourages every birth mother to create a hospital plan. This plan expresses her desires and needs for her hospital stay and labor. Her adoption hospital plan will inform the hospital staff, Lifetime, and you exactly how she wants her hospital stay to be handled. A plan in place before labor helps everyone focus on the birth.
What Choices Does the Birth Mother Make in Newborn Adoption?
Before her baby’s birth, the birth mother will make a hospital plan with her Adoption Coordinator. Some of the choices she has include:
- Whether she is comfortable with you being present in the delivery room or if she’d rather have you remain in the waiting room.
- If she’d like you to participate in the birth process, and how (for example, some birth mothers invite the adoptive parents to cut the umbilical cord).
- For birth mothers who already have a child, if they’d like their child to be at the hospital too.
Whether she’d like to be admitted to the hospital confidentially. - If she’d prefer to recover in an area away from the maternity ward.
- Her desire to have family members, close friends, or other people in her support system with her at the hospital.
- How much time she’d like to spend with her baby before saying goodbye.
Follow the Birth Mother’s Hospital Plan
The hospital plan should outline your involvement during labor and after birth. The birth mother will decide whether you can be in the room, the waiting area, or elsewhere.
Most birth mothers choose to spend some time alone with their baby, which Lifetime encourages. This helps them process their decision before placement—after all, you can’t say “goodbye” before you’ve said “hello.”
Check in with the birth mother but respect her need for space. Many birth mothers later regret not having private time with their baby. You’ll have plenty of time once you bring your baby home.
Even if the birth is emotional for you, honor the birth mother’s plan. Supporting her during this time helps strengthen your relationship and makes her hospital stay more comfortable.
Respect Their Time and Space
Birth parents need their moment before you gain parental responsibility. Also, childbirth is physically and emotionally intense, so we recommend respecting their time and space. Support them as they do what feels right to them at the hospital.
It’s good to remember that until the birth parents sign the paperwork which terminates their parental rights, you don’t (yet) have any legal rights to their child. You’ll need to avoid making medical decisions for the baby until the paperwork is signed. Even if a nurse asks you a question about the baby, the birth mother needs to make those decisions for now.
Recognize the Birth Mother’s Hospital Experience
Before you embark on adopting a newborn from the hospital, it’s helpful to find out what the expectant mother’s hospital plan looks like from your adoption professional before the delivery day. Knowing this in advance eases anxiety and helps you prepare for the big day.
You can see what the hospital experience looks like for birth mothers, by watching the two videos linked to below. They answer questions Lifetime frequently receives from expectant moms.
- I’m Choosing Adoption. Can I See My Baby at the Hospital?
- How Soon Will My Baby Go With Their Adoptive Family?
Questions About Adopting a Newborn from the Hospital
When do we need to travel?
When your baby’s birth mother goes into labor, Lifetime will notify you to travel. Since only 4% of babies arrive on their due dates, don’t plan your trip too early—wait for your adoption professional’s call.
Prepare for your newborn adoption by researching flight options or driving routes in advance. Familiarize yourself with travel sites to make booking easier when the time comes.
Be ready to leave on short notice. Inform your job and anyone affected by your absence. If you have children, arrange childcare and pack their essentials for an extended stay.
Once you get the call, need to travel ASAP, within 24 hours, to show your commitment. Arriving quickly reassures the birth mother that you’re ready and that this is your top priority.
What should we bring?
Some essential items you’ll want to pack include:
- About three to four onesies
- A couple of pairs of baby pajamas
- Other baby clothing items in varying sizes
- Two receiving blankets
- A cute outfit for the day you’ll be discharged from the hospital
- Two to four bottles
- Two to four pacifiers
- Gifts for the birth parents, if they’re allowable per state law
And these are items you can purchase once you arrive in the birth mother’s state:
- Diapers
- Formula
- Car seat
- Pack-n-play or travel crib where the baby can sleep
When will we get to see the baby?
The answer to this is up to the birth mother, who will decide how things go in her hospital plan. During her pregnancy, she will have made a hospital plan designating who she wants to see at the hospital, what role you should play, how much time she wants with her baby, and more.
The hospital may also have additional policies, such as if you may have access to the baby’s medical information, whether you will have your own hospital room, and if you can move freely throughout the maternity ward and nursery.
Your adoption agency will contact the hospital to answer these questions. Be sure to understand the hospital’s policies and fill out any paperwork as needed upon arrival.
Can we bring a gift for the birth mother?
A gift of some kind is a lovely idea! Whether or not you’re legally allowed to give the birth mother a gift depends on the adoption laws in her state. As this can vary, you’ll need to check in with your adoption attorney before giving her any gifts.
When does placement happen?
Each state has different laws regarding adoption placement, meaning when a birth mother can consent to adoption. Typically in newborn adoption, she can give written consent between 12 and 72 hours after giving birth. At this point, the state will transfer custody to you. Once a birth mother chooses you, an adoption attorney can provide a more precise timeframe.
What do we do after placement?
If the birth mother is in another state, expect a 7–10 day wait for ICPC clearance. ICPC stands for the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children and ensures that children placed into an adoptive family outside their birth state get the right support services.
As you wait for ICPC clearance, plan activities and enjoy quiet time with your spouse and baby. Life is sure to pick up speed when you get home! You can also shop for items you still need for your baby. Do your best to remain flexible and go with the flow.
Once ICPC clears, you can go home and start life as parents!
When do we receive our baby’s birth certificate?
You likely won’t receive a birth certificate while in the birth mother’s state. That’s because the birth mother will complete birth certificate forms while still in the hospital, which will be sent to the state. Once your adoption process is finalized, it may take a bit of time for you to get your baby’s new amended birth certificate showing you as parents.
Resources on Adopting a Newborn from the Hospital
Newborn Care Course for Adopting Parents
“Expecting 101…you’re adopting!” is a unique newborn preparation course created especially for future adoptive parents. It provides a place to learn about newborn care and feeding without the pregnancy and postpartum tips offered in similar newborn prep courses. You are granted access to this course for two years, so you can watch now to prepare and rewatch after your newborn adoption.
Course creator Valerie Trumbower talks through strategies to bond with the baby, what baby gear you need when you meet the baby, and what to buy if you just want to get what’s needed for the first month or so until you’re sure everything is official. To find out more about the course, visit NewParentsAcademy.com/adoption. Plus, you can get 20% off your course fee using the coupon code LIFETIME.
Webinar: What to Expect When Baby Arrives
This webinar is an invaluable resource if you’d like to learn more about the hospital experience as an adoptive parent! You’ll hear from Lifetime’s Director as she provides expert answers to the most-asked questions about adopting a newborn.
Get a glimpse at those sweet moments you’ve been dreaming of after your newborn adoption. Discover how to balance flexibility with preparation as we discuss the roles of your attorney and home study once the baby is here, the moments you’ll meet your baby at the hospital, and what to expect with travel clearances and finalizing your adoption. We also offer tips and insights about the birth mother’s side of the process once her baby is born. Watch Lifetime’s “What to Expect When Baby Arrives” webinar here.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on November 14, 2019, and has since been updated.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”
do you have any newborns that are looking for homes
Hello Victoria, thank you for reaching out!
Lifetime Adoption’s nationwide domestic adoption services involve helping pregnant women learn more about the choice of adoption. These women may make an adoption plan for their babies, which involves choosing their baby’s adoptive parents. So rather than newborns looking for homes, it’s birth mothers looking for just the right adoptive parents for their babies. You can learn more by visiting our Hoping to Adopt section or by calling Lifetime Adoption at 1-727-493-0933. Once you’re ready to take the first step toward adopting a baby, you can fill out Lifetime’s free, no-obligation application to adopt.
How much will it cost
Hi Leslie, thank you for reaching out about adoption costs! The costs of a private adoption vary based on many factors. An adoption’s average cost can range from $5,000 to $70,000. When you call Lifetime Adoption at 727-493-0933, you’ll be able to speak with an Adoption Coordinator who can explain more about our agency and the services we provide to safely and successfully complete your adoption. In addition, you can find more information here: What is the total cost of adoption?.
I love the idea of bringing a gift for the birth mother! ❤️ I can’t imagine the emotional rollercoaster she must be on at that time, I think a little thoughtfulness would go a long way.
How, I am 35 year old female working with bnp paribas, trying for baby from past 5 years due to thin endometrial lining. I wanted to adopt an new born baby.
Thank you for reaching out to express interest in Lifetime’s nationwide domestic open adoption services. You can learn more by visiting our Hoping to Adopt section or by calling Lifetime Adoption at 1-727-493-0933. Once you’re ready to take the first step toward adopting a baby, you can fill out Lifetime’s free, no-obligation application to adopt.