Embracing Adoption: A Complete Guide for Military Families

Is adoption for military families possible? How is the process handled if you’re currently stationed overseas? Military life is not an obstacle to adoption, and Lifetime Adoption is proud to help military couples adopt. Since our inception in 1986, we’ve helped thousands of military adoptive families stationed in the United States and abroad.
 
As you serve our nation, it is our honor to serve you as you begin your military adoption journey. No matter where you’re stationed around the world, Lifetime will help you fulfill your dreams of parenthood. Adopting is possible, even if your husband or wife is serving overseas.
 
Today, we’re providing helpful resources on adopting as a member of the military, the available military adoption assistance, and the key things military families need to know to have a successful adoption. You’ll also get answers to the questions hopeful military adoptive couples ask us the most!
 

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Table of Contents

• Military Adoption Resources
• Financial Assistance for Military Adoptive Families
• Frequently Asked Questions About Military Adoption
• Emotional and Psychological Support for Military Adoptive Families
• Single Service Members and Adoption
• Post-Finalization Support and Thriving as a Military Adoptive Family
• The Keys to a Successful Adoption for Military Families

Military Adoption Resources

If you’re in the military and pursuing adoption, you may feel overwhelmed by the process. Don’t worry. There are many organizations and resources for military adoption assistance.
   
Adopting while serving our country is possible, and you can get many benefits and forms of support in your position (that you couldn’t have gotten otherwise).
 
Many organizations are devoted to helping prospective adoptive families during their adoption process. However, it can be challenging to find information geared specifically toward military families pursuing adoption.
   
Here are some informative military adoption assistance organizations and options worth checking out. Whether stationed in the United States or overseas, these options can help as you start your adoption journey.
   

Family Service Centers

Located in every major military installation, your Family Service Center can provide information and services regarding the various military adoption benefits that are available.
   

Deployment Deferments or Extension of Assignments

Once you travel to meet your newly-born son or daughter, you will need to remain in the birth mother’s state as you wait for ICPC to clear. “ICPC” stands for the Interstate Compact on the Placement of Children, and it ensures the safety of placements of children across state lines.
  
Consider requesting a deployment deferment or an extension of assignment if you must remain in the birth mother’s state. According to DoD Instruction 1341.9, commanders are urged to approve requests for ordinary leave once you bring your baby home. In addition, according to the instruction, single parents (or one spouse) should receive a four-month assignment and deployment deferment right after their child is placed in their home.
   

Medical Care for Military Adoptive Families

Medical care is available to all military families at military treatment facilities. If you cannot access care at a military installation, healthcare benefits will be provided under TRICARE in civilian medical facilities.
   
Your adopted child will be eligible for benefits after you enroll them in the Defense Enrollment Eligibility Reporting System (DEERS). To get more information, call DEERS at 1-800-538-9552.
   
In addition, the patient affairs staff at your medical treatment facility may have information. Visit the TRICARE website or call the DoD Worldwide TRICARE Information Center at 1-888-363-2273 for specific details on eligibility and access.
 

Military Parental Leave Program

All Active Duty and Guard/Reserve service members on active duty orders are authorized 12 weeks of parental leave following adoption placement or finalization, whichever occurs first. Per the Military Parental Leave Program (MPLP), both parents of a dual-military couple are individually authorized their own 12-week period of parental leave. Parental leave is not restricted due to a Service member’s gender.
   
Actual benefits may vary by service branch, but in general, these 12 weeks of parental leave start when the child is placed into the custody of the Service member parent(s). Parental leave may be taken in a single period of 12 weeks, or it may be taken in multiple increments. The minimum incremental period is seven days, but it can be longer.
 
Parental leave can be used for up to one year following the adoption. This one-year window may be extended due to certain operational requirements, e.g., a TDY of 90 consecutive days or more.
   

Financial Assistance for Military Adoptive Families

The cost of adopting a child is a big concern for most couples. The Defense Department’s support helps members of the military cover some of the expenses. Their aid programs make financial support available for eligible active service members who want to adopt a child. The Defense Department assists with adoption costs and medical benefits through tax credits and adoption grants.
 
In addition, to show our gratitude for your service to our country, Lifetime offers military adoptive couples a fee reduction.
   

Military Adoption Reimbursement

Thanks to the Defense Finance and Accounting Service, service members are eligible for up to $2,000 reimbursement per child per year – with a max of $5,000 per year. If you adopt multiple children, they will reimburse no more than $5,000 yearly, regardless of the number of children you’ve adopted.
   
You can receive reimbursement for:

• Agency fees
• Placement fees
• Legal fees
• Medical expenses for the birth mother and new child

You cannot be reimbursed for:

• Expenses of travel as you finalize the adoption

To qualify for reimbursement of adoption expenses, you must be an active duty member or reservist and remain on active duty until the adoption is final. In addition, you must have completed at least 180 consecutive days of active duty.
   
To apply:

• Work with your personnel office to complete a D.D. Form 2675.
• Attach copies of any receipts, documentation from your agency, and relevant court papers.
• Submit it through your chain of command within the previously specified timeframe.

Adoption Tax Benefit

Military families should also consider the Federal Adoption Tax Credit as they plan financially for adoption. With the tax credit, the cost of adoption can become very affordable. Learn more at the Internal Revenue Service website.
   

Military Discounts

Many companies offer special military deals and discounts, including year-round online and in-store shopping discounts, special promotions on patriotic holidays, and discounted monthly bills. In addition, even if you’re not on active duty, you can get military veteran and retired military adoption assistance through these discounts.
   
You are eligible for discounts on travel, car rental, and even vehicle purchases. You can also get deals at several general retail sites as you stock up on supplies you’ll need to welcome a child into your home.
 

Frequently Asked Questions About Military Adoption

1. Our deployment/rotation is coming up soon. What can we do now towards our adoption?

We encourage you to complete our free application online, even though you have deployment or rotation schedules soon approaching. By filling out our application, you can start communicating with an adoption professional at Lifetime to help you plan your adoption. From there, she will be able to provide you with information, get to know you, and customize the steps you’ll need to take with the timing you have as a service member.
   
Military couples can fill out the online application and have a one-on-one phone conference with one of our adoption experts. You’ll also receive our contract packet to peruse if approved for our program. None of these steps require you to make any obligations to Lifetime. We can assist you in figuring out if you should start taking steps toward adopting now or if you should stay in the planning phase.
   

2. Do birth parents often pick military couples?

Military adoptive families have had great success with Lifetime Adoption! We’ve seen that military couples have many traits that birth mothers usually look for in adoptive parents. Many birth moms like to see integrity, patriotic values, good work ethic, a diverse community, stable income, and access to good medical care, attributes commonly found in military families.
   
Lifetime has observed that military families are more likely to have a high level of adoption readiness, are able to follow the steps of our program and have excellent communication skills.
  
Just as with military service, the call that a birth mother is interested in you as her baby’s parents could come at any time. Military families are used to living “at the ready.” This readiness dramatically contributes to the adoption success of military families contracted with Lifetime Adoption.
   

3. We move every three years and may get stationed overseas. How can we make open adoption in-person visits happen?

The definition of “open adoption” includes its agreement to stay in touch through the years. You can also email, send photos, post on social media, or have a FaceTime call with your birth mother.
 
You’ll still want to make your best efforts to be available to her for visits. One method that military adoptive couples have used to make visits happen is to have a lunch date or play date while they’re in the U.S., visiting friends and family. If travel isn’t possible, you could also call your child’s birth mother on the phone or have a video chat.
   
Birth mothers are in charge of their travel arrangements in open adoption. She’ll know when picking a military family that you may be stationed overseas in the future. Lifetime hasn’t noticed that this dissuades birth moms from choosing a military adoptive couple.
   

4. What if I receive orders for deployment during the adoption process?

Lifetime introduced our “hold” option a couple of decades ago in order to accommodate for adoption for military families during the first Gulf War. Placing your adoption on hold isn’t required in cases of deployment, exercise, TDY, or other military duties; it’s simply a choice that Lifetime gives our clients. We strive to help reduce barriers to adoption for military families.
   
While there is a military duty to fulfill, married couples can continue pursuing adoption. We encourage our military spouses to obtain a Power of Attorney, allowing them to continue the adoption process if a placement happens while their spouse is on military duty.
   

5. What if we get picked for a sudden adoption opportunity, and we’re stationed overseas?

When you start your program at Lifetime, voice your travel concerns with your Adoption Coordinator. Share with her how much time you estimate that it’d take you to travel from your location back to the U.S.
   
Lifetime can still consider you for sudden adoption opportunities so long as you can arrive within the time needed. Some birth mothers plan a last-minute adoption or have time constrictions that give us just a few hours to have an adoptive family there. We will consider travel time when deciding which adoptive family is a good fit.
   
With Lifetime’s program, we don’t require you to be open to sudden adoption opportunities if you’re overseas. If you don’t want to be considered for types of adoption opportunities, please let us know in advance.
   

6. What if we rotate during the adoption process?

It would be best to share your rotation plans with Lifetime as soon as possible. That way, we can lead you through the necessary steps of your adoption process.
   
If you haven’t yet adopted and you’re moving to a different state, a new home study is required.
  
If you’re moving to another part of the same state or county, you’ll only need to update your home study. The update will include revised info on your residence and a new home inspection.
   
Keep in mind that states have differing home study requirements. As a result, if you’re moving to another state, you should be ready to start a new home study at your new location. For this very reason, Lifetime will discuss your rotation’s projected timeline before beginning the program together.
 
Most military families must remain at a duty station for a certain amount of time. Lifetime respects and understands that where and when you move is out of your control, and the needs of the military always prevail.
   
Do you have a question about adoption for military families that wasn’t answered here? Please call 727-493-0933 or email us your question.

 

Emotional and Psychological Support for Military Adoptive Families

Adoption is an emotionally complex journey, and military service adds unique stressors that can impact both the adoption process and family dynamics. Recognizing and addressing these emotional needs is essential for a successful transition to parenthood.
 

The Unique Emotional Landscape

Military families face distinct challenges during adoption. Deployments can intensify the emotional toll of waiting for a match, while frequent relocations may create anxiety about stability during the critical bonding period after placement. Additionally, service members and their spouses may be managing service-related stress, transition experiences, or trauma, all of which require attention as you become parents.
 

Resources and Support Options

Military Family Support Programs: Your Family Service Center offers more than logistical support. They can connect you with counselors trained in military family dynamics and adoption-related issues. Many installations offer counseling services at no cost to active-duty members and their families.
 
Adoption-Competent Therapists: Look for mental health professionals who understand both military culture and adoption. These therapists can help you process the emotional aspects of adoption, address any service-related trauma before it impacts parenting, and prepare for the unique stressors military families face. The Military OneSource program provides free, confidential counseling to active duty service members and their families.
 
Support Groups: Many military communities have adoption support groups where you can connect with other military adoptive families. Hearing from others who’ve navigated similar challenges, like managing open adoption across deployments, can provide invaluable perspective and reduce feelings of isolation.
 
Pre-Adoption Education: Take advantage of adoption training programs offered by your adoption agency. These programs often address attachment, trauma-informed parenting, and how military-specific stressors can affect the adoptive family. Understanding these dynamics before placement helps you prepare emotionally and practically.
 

Post-Deployment and Transition Considerations

If either parent recently returned from deployment, consider allowing time for reconnection and adjustment before major transitions like adoption placement. Similarly, if you’re in the process of a military transition—leaving active duty, changing duty stations, or adjusting to a new assignment—be mindful of how this might affect your emotional capacity and family stability during the adoption journey.
 

Single Service Members and Adoption

Single military members bring many strengths to adoption, and the military adoption process is designed to accommodate their unique situations. Still, there are a few things single service members should keep in mind.
 

Why Single Service Members Make Wonderful Adoptive Parents

Single military members often bring qualities that birth mothers appreciate: stability, strong work ethic, maturity, and often a robust support network within the military community. Single service members are accustomed to independence and managing complex logistics: skills that serve them well in navigating adoption and parenting.
 

Special Benefits for Single Service Members

Extended Deployment Deferment: Single service members receive special consideration for assignment and deployment deferments. According to DoD Instruction 1341.9, single parents receive a four-month assignment and deployment deferment upon a child being placed in their home. This allows adequate time for bonding and adjustment during this critical period.
 
Parental Leave Access: All eligible single service members are authorized the full 12 weeks of parental leave following adoption placement, just as married couples are. This leave can be taken in a single 12-week period or in increments of seven days or more, giving you flexibility to manage the transition to parenthood.
 
Childcare Support: The military provides childcare services at reduced rates to active-duty members. Many installations offer on-base childcare facilities, school-age care programs, and even emergency backup childcare. These services are invaluable for single parents balancing military duties with parenting responsibilities.
 

Unique Considerations for Single Service Members

Childcare During Deployments: If deployment is in your future, plan ahead for childcare arrangements. Discuss options with your Family Service Center to connect you with family readiness groups, military family childcare resources, or other support systems. Some single military parents arrange backup care through trusted family members or friends stateside.
 
Building Your Support Network: As a single parent in the military, cultivating a strong support network is essential. This might include extended family, close friends, military mentors, or your unit’s family readiness group. These relationships become your parenting team and provide emotional support, practical help with childcare, and companionship for both you and your child.
 
Dating and Family Dynamics: Single service members should consider how dating and potential future partnerships might affect their child. Many single military parents find it helpful to discuss this openly with adoption professionals and counselors to ensure they’re prepared for these conversations as their child grows.
 
Power of Attorney Considerations: If you’re single and receive deployment orders or TDY assignments, consider establishing a Power of Attorney for trusted family members or friends who can help manage the household, childcare, and adoption-related matters if needed.
 

Birth Mother Perspectives

Birth mothers who choose single military parents often appreciate the stability and resources that military service provides. Many birth mothers understand and respect military obligations and are comfortable selecting a single service member as their child’s parent.
 

Post-Finalization Support and Thriving as a Military Adoptive Family

Adoption finalization is a joyous milestone, but it marks the beginning of your journey as an adoptive family rather than the end. Military families face unique post-adoption challenges that deserve intentional support and planning.
 

The Critical Adjustment Period

The first months after bringing your child home are crucial for bonding and attachment. The military’s 12-week parental leave provides essential time, but the adjustment extends well beyond that initial period. Your child is processing a profound transition, and so are you. Military-specific stressors, like managing military schedules, potential deployments, or upcoming relocations, require thoughtful integration into your new family’s routine.
 

Managing Frequent Moves and Stability

Military children move on average every two to three years, and adopted children have already experienced loss and transition. Intentional planning around moves helps your child build a sense of security and continuity.
 
Before a Move: Prepare your child emotionally by reading books about moving, discussing the new location, and maintaining connections to the current community through photos and videos. If possible, visit the new duty station or FaceTime with the new neighbors to help your child become familiar with what’s ahead.
 
During Transition: Maintain routines as much as possible during moves. Bedtimes, mealtimes, and special traditions help children feel secure amid external changes. Keep photos and mementos accessible to remind your child of their adoption story and family connections.
 
After Arrival: Establish new routines quickly and intentionally. Help your child find their place in the new community through school, activities, and friendships. Continue celebrating your family’s adoption journey and maintaining connections to your child’s birth family and previous communities.
 

Sustaining Open Adoption Across Deployments and Relocations

Open adoption is enriching, but it requires intentional effort when military duties take you away. Maintaining contact with your child’s birth mother throughout deployments and moves strengthens your child’s identity and connection to their story.
 
Virtual Communication: Use video calls, email, and social media to maintain regular contact. These tools are particularly valuable when distance or military obligations make in-person visits difficult. Ensure your child can see and talk with their birth mother regularly, regardless of where the military stations you.
 
Planned Visits: When you return to your home state or take family leave, prioritize visits with your child’s birth family members. These connections reinforce your child’s sense of belonging and identity.
 
Keeping the Story Alive: Talk openly with your child about their adoption and birth family. Military families sometimes worry that frequent moves will disrupt these connections, but consistent communication and storytelling help children maintain their identity and feel secure in their adoption.
 

Adoption-Competent Parenting Resources

Parenting Classes and Workshops: Many Family Service Centers and military communities offer parenting classes that address adoption-specific topics. These classes help you understand attachment, trauma responses, and how to support your child’s identity development.
 
Adoption Support Groups: Continue participating in adoption support groups even after finalization. These groups provide ongoing community, practical advice for challenges as your child grows, and a connection with other military adoptive families navigating similar situations.
 
Counseling Services: If your child exhibits attachment challenges, behavioral issues, or difficulty adjusting to military life, seek support from adoption-competent therapists. Early intervention helps children thrive and prevents small challenges from becoming larger issues.
 

Helping Your Child Thrive in Military Culture

Military children benefit from understanding and celebrating military culture while also developing their own identity. Help your child navigate this dual experience by involving them in military community activities, explaining age-appropriately how military service affects your family, and supporting their questions about deployment, moves, and what it means to be part of a military family.
 

Long-Term Support and Planning

Guardianship and Succession Planning: As your child grows, consider long-term guardianship plans in case of deployment or other military obligations. Designate trusted individuals who understand your child’s adoption story and your family’s values.
 
Addressing Identity Questions as Children Age: As children mature, they often have deeper questions about their adoption, identity, and place in their birth family. Being prepared with honest, age-appropriate answers, and having resources for counseling if needed, helps children develop a healthy sense of self.
 
Celebrating Your Military Adoptive Family: Your family is unique and valuable. Continue celebrating your adoption journey, your child’s birth family, your military service, and the beautiful combination of these elements that makes your family distinctly yours.
 

The Keys to a Successful Adoption for Military Families

Besides getting military adoption assistance, there are other vital things for military families to know for a successful adoption. These keys will help you overcome some of the specific obstacles you face as a military family during the adoption process:
   

1. An Optimistic Attitude

Staying informed and optimistic goes hand-in-hand when walking through your adoption process. Understanding the adoption process helps you stay on top of the practical things you need to get done, like finishing your home study and completing your profile.
   

2. Basic Knowledge of ICPC

The Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children (ICPC) is an arrangement between states to ensure they work together for what is best for the children in their state. The agreement helps adoptive families who wish to adopt outside their state. During and after an adoption placement, the states work together to provide resources for families from other states.
   
Some military families have heard of the ICPC but may not know that the ICPC is also effective for military bases overseas. Because military bases are considered United States territories, military families may adopt from the states through ICPC. Lifetime can provide information about the ICPC and how it affects you.
   

3. An Experienced Adoption Professional

Finding the right adoption professionals to help you navigate your military adoption journey is important. A good adoption professional uses their knowledge and skills to improve your experience.
   
When you’re looking for an adoption agency, here are some suggestions on what to examine:

• The organization should be licensed and accredited in its state.
• They should offer adoption training and education for prospective adoptive families.
• An adoption professional should be quick to respond to your questions.
• They should display an openness to answer any of your questions.
• They should be forthcoming about your options for adoption, financial fees or payments, and state and country programs that could benefit you.

If God has put adoption on your heart, Lifetime is here to help you through the process step-by-step. There’s no need to put off your dreams of having a family. Military men and women make exceptional parents, and we want to see your dreams come true!
 
Learn more about adopting as a military couple through Lifetime Adoption by calling 727-493-0933. We would love to learn about your adoption needs and military circumstances and help tailor an adoption plan to meet your needs.
 

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Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on June 6, 2008, and has since been updated.