Adopting an Older Child
Adopting an older child can have its own blessings and its own challenges because every child comes with a past. Additionally, children may have difficulties adjusting in a new family. We believe with much love, focused attention and security, a child of any age will flourish.
At Lifetime, adopting an older child is defined as the adoption of any child who is no longer a newborn. A family considering adopting older children must be able to let the child vent safely, and be there to offer comfort and acceptance. An older child should have someone to see them off to school in the morning and be there when they come home from school whenever possible. That means that one parent should probably not work full time, but work while their children are in school only. Moreover, a part-time or stay at home parent would be best during the early years.
Table of Contents
- Adjustment Periods Are Normal
- How to Prepare for Adopting an Older Child
- Shopping Checklist for Parents Adopting an Older Child
- Buck and Veronique’s Adoption Story
- Adopting an Older Child With Lifetime Adoption
Adjustment Periods Are Normal
It often takes a period of time for an older child to realize they are safe and are in their forever home. In addition, some adoptive parents may find that an older child might hoard food because in their past they didn’t know where their next meal was coming from. “I encourage families to hug their child and let them know that they love them and they are safe. It is helpful if the parents have a spiritual foundation to offer their child. Also, attending church on a regular basis can help with their spiritual growth and socialization with other kids their own age,” says Lifetime’s Founder and adoptive mom Mardie Caldwell.
Siblings that are part of the pre-adoption planning often find it easier to open their arms to their new brother or sister and have patience. And this will make the transition easier for everyone. Just being there, loving the child, and allowing him or her to feel comfortable helps. However, it may take months, or in some cases years, before your child feels comfortable in his or her new family. Remember that it is a lifelong commitment and a big responsibility for any family to adopt an older child.
How to Prepare for Adopting an Older Child
1. Ask yourself “What can I give an older child?”
Older children have preconceived ideas of who they are and what they can do. Can you give the child patience? Quality time? A stable family life? Sometimes older children can be trying. Begin by speaking to families who have adopted older children. Ask for advice and consider the challenges they encountered.
2. Decide where and who you will be working with to locate your child.
There are many avenues and resources: state, county, private agencies, adoption attorneys and facilitators like myself who can help you adopt children.
3. Prepare other family and friends for your new family member.
Answer questions about the adoption. However, Lifetime doesn’t encourage you to share personal details about your child’s past or his biological parents. If for instance your child was a drug exposed baby, well meaning people or family members may use this to explain the actions of your child, even when it may just be due to his or her age. Keep your child’s past between yourself and your child and physician. Remember to respect their privacy.
4. Don’t expect too much and put unrealistic pressures on yourself or your child.
Everything will be new to your child and an adjustment for your lifestyle. Every child has his or her own clock indicating when he or she is ready to take each new step in the relationship. Be sensitive and listen to what your child says and doesn’t say. Patience helps create a smooth transition. Practice avoiding making judgmental comments and asking for help when you need it.
Tell your child every day (or more often) that they are loved. “When our adopted son Cory came to live with us, I told him over and over that I loved him. Even today, many years later, he never tires of hearing it,” shares Mardie. Many times, with older children, the families they came from never gave any indication that they loved or cared for them.
Let them know they are special and you are proud to have them as part of the family. Mardie says, “We have a tradition in our family called “Chosen Day,” a type of birthday, celebrating the day our son came to live with us!”
Shopping Checklist for Parents Adopting an Older Child
When you’re preparing for an older child adoption, it’s smart to register for all the gear you need ahead of time. We have heard from adoptive families who created a wish list or online registry at Amazon.
Then, once they’re traveling for adoption, friends and family can purchase needed items from their list. These items can be shipped to their home or their hotel when they know they’ll need them. This allows adoptive couples to enjoy the excitement of registering, but avoid having all those items sitting around while they wait to be chosen by a birth mother.
Lifetime has built this adoption preparation checklist, so you can be sure you have all the needed essentials for adopting an older child:
Lifetime Adoption's Older Child Shopping Checklist
For Your Adoption Travel
For Your Adoption Travel- Luggage
- Diaper bag
- Bags for dirty/soiled clothes
- Laundry detergent (travel size)
- Travel-size first aid kit
- Gifts for your child’s birth parents (check with your adoption attorney first to make sure it’s allowable per state laws)
Gear and Travel
- Stroller and/or umbrella stroller
- Stroller accessories, such as a rain cover, sun shade, foot muff, and hooks for bags or purses
- Convertible car seat
- Car seat accessories, like a mirror, sun shade for the windows, and car seat cover
- Pack N Play Playard and two to three play yard sheets
- Diaper bag
Nursery and Décor
- Crib and crib mattress (or a toddler bed, depending upon the age of the child you’re adopting)
- Waterproof mattress pads (2-3)
- Fitted crib sheets
- Crib sheet protectors (2-3)
- Color-coordinated valance, dust ruffle, quilt, etc
- Dresser
- Storage bins or baskets
- White noise sound machine
- Laundry hamper
- Child-sized hangers (12-15)
Feeding
- Toddler bowls, plates, and utensils
- Toddler cups and sippy cups (6-8)
- High chair
- Booster seat for dining out
- Bibs (8-10)
- Snack dispenser
Bath and Potty
- Bathtub
- Shampoo
- Rinse cup for shampoo
- Bath toys
- Mat for parents to kneel on
- Hooded towels (4-6)
- Baby washcloths (7-8)
- Diapers (in various sizes)
- Diaper pail
- Wipes
- Diaper rash ointment
Safety and Health
- Baby monitor
- Safety gates
- Safety locks and outlet covers
- Humidifier
- Thermometer
- Nasal bulb
- First Aid kit
- Baby or child toothbrush and toothpaste
- Nail clippers
- Brush and comb
- Night light
- Shopping cart cover
Toys and Learning
- Books
- Activity mat or walker
- Stuffed animals
- Walk-behind toy
- Extra batteries!
Clothing and Linens
- Undershirts (4-6)
- Seasonal clothing, such as jackets and swim suits
- Socks (9-12 pairs)
- Shoes (2-3 pairs)
- Outfits (4-6)
- Footie pajamas (4-8)
- Pants (4-8 pairs)
Lifetime encourages you to save this list to your smartphone, or print it out. This will allow you to stay organized before you start your future child’s adoption registry.
Buck and Veronique’s Adoption Story
Adopting a child is something that many couples dream of, pray about, and wait patiently for. For many of Lifetime’s hopeful adoptive parents, adopting an older child can be likened to a calling. They were meant to love and provide for a child who is not their biological son or daughter.
The process of adopting a child takes patience and perseverance. But as Buck and Veronique’s story of adopting an older child reveals, being chosen by a birth mother who entrusts you with her child is an almost indescribable experience. For Buck and Veronique, the moment they met their child, their lives were forever changed, and they felt an instant connection that was unique. They experienced an instant bond that goes beyond genes, a love that will stand the test of time. Here’s Buck and Veronique’s adoption story:
Adopting Our 6 Month Old Blessing
“Almost four years ago, the Lord put on our hearts to adopt, and we gladly started the process. So we joined Lifetime and prepared all we needed to in anticipation of our baby’s arrival. We began to pray for the birth mother God had chosen for us and her baby, even though we had no idea where they could be nor when we would meet them.
It took longer than we expected, just over three years, but we chose to stay focused and to keep praying for the birth mother and her baby. We asked the Lord to protect them and guide them to us. The Lord set our hearts to open our home to the baby He had for us.
Veronique was doing dishes when the phone rang. It was Christie at Lifetime, who informed us that a birth mother wanted to talk to us as potential adoptive parents for her six-month-old baby girl! Two days later, the birth mother called us, and we connected so naturally.
Her heart and love for her baby were so evident and beautiful. It was not easy for her to choose adoption, but she wanted a different life for her daughter than what she could provide. So, she gathered her courage to make an adoption plan. She had carefully looked at families until she saw our profile and felt we were what she had been looking for.
We were honored to be chosen and trusted to raise her baby! We enjoyed talking together very much and then we met in person three days after. She introduced her baby to us, and the connection was so real. This precious treasure of a baby smiled and laughed; she was so at ease in our arms from the very start, which was one of the things we had been praying for. Seeing our connection really confirmed to her birth mother that she was making a good choice for her baby. Two days later, she signed all the papers, and we received custody.
As you can imagine, our lives changed instantly! Of course, we had prepared for that moment as much as we could, but how can anyone be fully prepared to become parents within an hour? And we love being parents! Our baby girl is such a ray of sunshine. She is full of life and joy and, yes, energy! It is beautiful to see her grow and learn and discover. She loves nature, animals, music, and people, especially meeting other young children. She makes people smile everywhere we go.
We are very thankful to the Lord and her birth mother for choosing us to become the parents of such a treasure and for trusting us to raise her. Adoption is so beautiful; it brings redemption and a real solution for a birth mother who is not in a position to raise her child for whatever reason. However, through adoption, she can choose adoptive parents who are ready and willing to embrace their child and love and care for him or her.
Lifetime chooses their families very carefully and prepares them well. As a result, when the hopeful adoptive parents get “the call” that a birth mother has chosen them, they are ready to rise to the beautiful call of becoming parents. We really love and respect our daughter’s birth mother for her love, courage, and heart. She is an amazing person and will always be loved, respected, and prayed for in our family.
If you are in a situation where you cannot raise your child, you don’t need to worry, you can contact Lifetime, and they will help you and guide you so you will have peace of mind that your baby or child will be able to grow in a loving family.
If you are a family who God called to adopt, be faithful to your calling and be patient in prayer. That child He has set aside for you is on their way. He is faithful to His Word as we allow Him to prepare and guide us into adopting an older child in His ways.
May the Lord greatly bless you and deeply reveal to you that He is the adoptive Father to all those who choose to embrace Him as such. He will never fail you nor forsake you!”
Adopting an Older Child With Lifetime Adoption
If you’re seeking to experience the joy of becoming an adoptive parent, our team at Lifetime Adoption is here to help. Our compassionate and experienced adoption professionals will discuss your adoption goals and answer your questions. Your desire to become parents can come true — just as Buck and Veronique’s did.
Contact Lifetime today to learn more about the process of adopting an older child and ask any questions that you may have. You can also first step today and complete our free adoption application.
If you are a mother who is considering adoption for a child you are trying to parent, please call or text us at 1-800-923-6784. One of our caring coordinators will work with you confidentially and help you get the information you need to make the choice that is best for you and your child.
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Lifetime Adoption, Inc. is a Licensed Child Placing Agency in Arkansas. (License AR #00050809)
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