You’ve got a birth mother who wants to speak with you. This is a really exciting time! So how do you prepare for this important phone call? Today, Lifetime Adoption shares tips on how you can enhance this first call with a birth mother.
Both of you should be available to talk to her, but it is usually best to start with the adoptive mother talking. Try not to interrogate her with lots of questions. Lifetime Adoption will provide you with all of the information that we have on her situation, so you don’t have to ask awkward questions. Allow her to set the tone of the conversation but feel free to share information about you too. During your first conversation with a birth mother, your goal should be to connect genuinely.
Lifetime knows that to have a successful open adoption relationship, the adoptive parents and birth parents must first form a strong connection. You will probably differ a lot in your experiences and backgrounds, but then something just seems right when you talk. So how exactly can you develop a strong connection with the birth mother?
It’s crucial to be authentic, and avoid asking lots of questions or turning this into a negotiation. Meet genuinely as two parties that are interested in what’s best for the child. Think of this first call as more of like a date than a job interview. Your objective is to find out whether you have a connection. Let your conversation move without a structure. In the first conversation, it’s less significant what you talk about. What’s important is that you talk and then listen to her. Know that like you, her fear is that you won’t like her.
You might ask her how her pregnancy is going, whether she likes her doctor, or if she craves any certain foods. Remain positive and comfortable about adoption. Ask if she has questions for you, and answer honestly and openly.
Birth mothers are women facing a crisis situation, and trying her best to do right by her child. So that’s why it’s important to focus on her questions and concerns. Pay attention to what she needs, and consider how you can help. Look at it from her point of view. If you could choose adoptive parents, wouldn’t you want them to be caring and attentive?
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”