Letter of Recommendation for Adoption: Who to Ask, What to Include, and a Sample

A letter of recommendation for adoption, sometimes called an adoption reference letter, is a signed and dated note from a friend, colleague, or community member who can speak to your character and readiness to become a parent. Usually, your home study social worker will ask for three to five of these letters. They help the social worker get to know you as a person, not just as a name on paper.

When you start your adoption journey with Lifetime, you’ll have a team of professionals supporting you. Early on, a social worker will do your home study, and part of that process is gathering reference letters from people who know you well.

If you want to adopt, you may be unsure about who to ask for a letter, what these letters are for, or what to put in them. If a friend has asked you to write one, this guide will help with that as well, and includes a sample letter you can use.

 

Table of Contents

• What It Is
• Who to Ask
• Tips for Writers
• What to Include
• Must-Haves
• Sample Letter
• How to Ask
• Frequently Asked Questions

What is a Letter of Recommendation for Adoption?

If you’re hoping to adopt, you want adoption professionals and birth mothers to see that you’re ready and able to raise a child. To show this, you’ll need to ask a few honest and reliable people to write reference letters for you.

These letters help the social worker doing your home study get a sense of who you are. The social worker’s job is to make sure you’re ready to welcome a new child into your home. They want to hear what your friends, family, and coworkers say about you. While social workers can’t predict the future, reference letters are one of the best ways for them to learn about potential adoptive parents.

Reference letters are just one part of the adoption home study. You’ll also need to share recent financial statements, complete background checks, provide a recent medical statement, and have a social worker visit for interviews and a home inspection. For more details, check out our guide to home study tips.

Who Should I Ask to Write a Letter of Recommendation for Adoption?

Positive words from people who know you can make a big difference. Depending on your state and agency, your home study provider will usually ask for three to five reference letters. Pick people from different parts of your life who know you well. If you can, include people who have seen you with children. Good choices are:

• Close friends you’ve known for at least five years
• Friends you spend time with, especially those who have children or have seen you interact with children
• Members of your church you know well
• Your pastor or a clergy member
• Co-workers and bosses
• Neighbors

Requirements can be different depending on your agency and state. Many agencies only accept letters from non-relatives, while some ask for one from a family member or close relative. For example, in Florida, you need reference letters from four non-relatives, one family member, and work references. Always check your adoption agency’s rules before you ask anyone to write a letter.

Tips for Writing a Letter of Recommendation for Adoption

A friend just called to share some exciting news. They’re hoping to adopt and have asked you to write a letter of recommendation. You know they’ll be great parents, but you might not know where to start. Here are some tips to help:

• Be specific. One short story that shows patience or generosity is stronger than a list of adjectives.
• Describe what you’ve seen with children, such as in a family, neighborhood, or church setting.
• Be honest. The letter can affect a child’s future placement, so don’t exaggerate.
• Keep it to about one page, typed and proofread.
• Follow the agency’s format. Some agencies provide a reference form to complete instead of a letter.

Reading reference letters helps the social worker prepare the home study and learn more about the family. By sharing your perspective as someone close to the adoptive couple, you give the social worker important information for their evaluation.

What Should I Include in a Letter of Recommendation for Adoption?

Most adoption recommendation letters include three things: how long and how well the writer knows you, a description of your character, and a clear statement about whether they think you should be able to adopt. The writer’s job isn’t to make you look better than you are, but to give an honest, outside view that will be used in the adoption process.

If the letter answers these six questions, it will cover the basics your social worker looks for:

1. How long have you known them, and how did you meet?
   This shows the foundation of the relationship.
2. How would you describe your relationship with them?
   Say how often you see each other and in what settings.
3. What is their character like?
   Talk about qualities that matter for raising children. What experience do they have with kids? How could their strengths help a child? It’s important to show if they have experience with children.
4. How would you describe their relationship?
   The social worker wants to know whether the couple has a strong foundation. Do they get along well? Do they find compromises when they disagree?
5. What are their relationships like with family members and friends?
   This helps the social worker see what kind of parents they might be. Share times you’ve seen them with family and friends, and how they handle both happy and tough moments.
6. What makes them a good candidate to adopt a child?
   Share examples of strengths you’ve noticed, like integrity, compassion, or generosity, and explain why these qualities would make them good adoptive parents.

What Every Adoption Reference Letter Must Have

• The date. A dated letter is necessary for a reputable reference.
• The writer’s printed name and signature. Print the letter so it can be signed by hand.
• The correct recipient. Check with your home study provider about who the letter should be addressed to, and include the agency’s address.
• Proper delivery. Mail the signed original letter to the home study provider. If the agency accepts e-signatures, you can fax or scan the letter instead. The social worker might also call the writer.

Use the correct format for a reference letter, and make sure to check for grammar and spelling mistakes.

Sample Letter of Recommendation for Adoption

Use this sample as a guide, but remember that a letter written in your own words is always more powerful.

March 3, 2026

Dear [Social Worker’s Name],

I am writing to recommend Maria and David Lopez as adoptive parents. I have known them for 8 years. We met through our church small group and became close friends, and our families spend most weekends together.

Maria and David have cared for my two sons, ages 4 and 7, many times. They are patient and attentive, and the boys ask when they can see them again. I have watched them handle meltdowns calmly and make time to read, play, and listen. I trust them completely with my children.

They are also devoted to each other. In all the years I have known them, I have seen them work through disagreements respectfully and make decisions as a team. They are close to their extended families and generous with friends. When my husband was ill, they brought us meals without being asked.

Maria is warm and organized. David is steady, honest, and dependable. Together they have created a stable, loving home. I recommend them without reservation, and I believe they would be wonderful parents.

Please contact me if you have any questions.

Sincerely,
[Name]
[Phone number]
[Email]

How to Ask Someone to Write Your Letter

Ask in person if you can, explain what the letter is for, and try to make the process as easy as possible:

• Ask your home study provider what they’d like to see in the letters before you reach out.
• Give your reference the agency’s guidelines or form, the deadline, the person the letter should be addressed to, and the agency’s address and phone number.
• Share the tips and the six questions above.
• Let them know the social worker may call with questions.
• Remind your reference to be honest, and thank them for helping. Writing this letter is a meaningful favor.

Frequently Asked Questions About Adoption Reference Letters

How many letters of recommendation do I need for adoption?

Most agencies ask for three to five, depending on the agency and state. Check your home study provider’s requirements.

Can family members write my adoption reference letter?

It depends. Many agencies want non-relatives only, while others request one letter from a close relative.

Who do I address the letter to?

Ask your home study provider. Many agencies want letters addressed to the social worker or the agency, and some accept “To Whom It May Concern.”

Does the letter have to be signed and dated?

Yes. A dated, signed letter is essential for a reference letter to be accepted.

Can the letter be sent electronically?

Some agencies accept faxed or scanned copies, or e-signatures, but may still want the original by mail. Confirm with your provider.

What if my reference isn’t sure what to write?

Share the six questions above and the sample letter. A short, honest letter with real examples is best.

Next Steps

Before you ask anyone to write a reference letter, get your home study provider’s guidelines and share them, along with the tips above, with your references.

If you want to learn more about the home study or other parts of the adoption process, call Lifetime Adoption at 727-493-0933 or start your free application. We’re here to help you get started.

Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on March 8, 2023, and has since been updated.