The adoption journey can be a challenging one. So you want to be sure to prepare yourselves both emotionally and mentally. A positive attitude and faith that you will succeed will make an enormous difference. The recipe for a successful adoption includes teamwork, participation, and strength of mind and heart.
Before you commit to adopting, make sure you have dealt with any issues that may have led you to adoption. For example, many hopeful adoptive families have struggled with infertility, leading to feelings of disappointment and frustration. Make peace with yourself and your situation before considering adoption. You will need to be strong and come from a place a great hope for your adoption adventure.
There will be ups and downs and a lot of hard work needed to reach adoption success. Some hopeful adoptive families struggle with what they feel is a lack of control. You are waiting for a birth mother to choose you, and that wait can be short as a few days or as long as a couple of years. If you have not prepared for the emotions this causes, your journey can be a hard one. It does not have to be, however.
Don’t just focus on the destination. Enjoy the journey.
Have you ever gone on vacation and can’t wait to get to the hotel? You keep looking at the time and wishing you were there instead of taking in the view during your drive. You might miss the beautiful field of flowers or the horses grazing in the green pasture. Maybe you miss the view out the airplane window or the unique sculpture in the airport.
Take the time to enjoy the tasks and preparations you need to accomplish for your child’s adoption. Don’t think of these things as chores. Instead, think of them as laying the groundwork to grow your family. Keep a journal so you can remember and share with your child how hard you worked to bring your child home.
Embrace the uncertainty.
Enjoy the beauty of becoming.
When nothing is certain, everything is possible.
Trust your adoption professionals.
You have done the research and chosen the adoption professionals you feel are the right fit for you. Now, trust them and the process.
Understand that they are there to guide you and are dedicated to you having a successful adoption. This is where teamwork comes in. Think of your coordinator as a coach. She will give you advice, ask questions that will make you do some soul searching, and help you make a successful match with the birth mother that is right for you.
Participation is key, as well as an open and positive attitude. If your adoption professional advises you to make changes to your profile picture, add information, or share your Facebook page, for example, they are not trying to be overly critical. Instead, they are there to help you by sharing their experience. They know what works, they know when to make adjustments, and they know their birth mothers.
Adopting is not a “sit back and wait to be picked” situation. Invest your time and energy in the process. Educate yourselves by watching webinars, reading articles and blogs, and asking questions.
Take the advice of your adoption professionals to heart and act on their recommendations. You cannot control everything on your adoption journey, but you do have control over your efforts.
Attitude is everything.
Being optimistic and excited for the future feels great. It not only makes you feel good, but it also makes those around you happy. Putting out that positive energy attracts that positive energy back to you.
Staying positive can be hard at times during the adoption process. There can be letdowns and disappointments along the way. The important thing is to deal with those situations. Work through those emotions and then pick yourself up and make a concerted effort to find the strength to create that positive feeling again. Have faith that your child is on their way, and the right situation will arrive.
Your adoption journey will be unique to you. It will be what you make it. So control what you can and have faith that your efforts will lead you to a successful adoption.
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”