Typically, the holidays are a time for celebration and joyful moments. But when you’re waiting to be chosen by a birth mother, they might be a source of stress. Your loved ones may mean well, but ask questions or make remarks that feel hurtful or insensitive. If you dread the holidays, it can help to hear from those who have “been there, done that.”
Last year during the Christmas season, we asked seasoned adoptive parents: What would you tell a hopeful adoptive parent as they go through this holiday season to encourage them while they wait? What worked for you in Christmases when you were waiting to grow your family? Or what do you wish you’d have done to help the season be lighter? Today, we’re sharing their answers with you!
“This was the hardest season of waiting for us. I generally would buy gifts for other babies/children for Toys for Tots or shelters in our area, families through our church. Focusing on others helped me not feel so empty. Prayers for all those with empty arms. I promise someday it will feel like it was worth the wait!” says Lifetime adoptive mother, Karla. What a sweet way to shift your focus and use the waiting to bless others!
Tequila, pictured to the right with her husband Kevin and son Maddox, says, “To take our minds off of the holidays, we went on a lot of dates. We are from Atlanta, so we looked up all the restaurants in the city and their menus and made a bucket list of the ones we wanted to try. We spent the last two weeks of December trying these restaurants.”
We love that adoptive mother Lisa pointed out you should give yourself permission to travel and have time together with your spouse! She says, “We took a vacation to a tropical location to take our mind off of the holidays. Wherever you might go to get away, it’s okay to take time away from family and all the holiday traditions for some fun time together.”
“My husband and I were fortunate enough to attend a personal growth and transformation seminar. It helped me get to the bottom of my sadness and fear that no one would choose us. It helped me understand better my fear of worrying about someone else’s decision, that hasn’t actually even happened…[The seminar] really helped us and our communication a LOT in our marriage as well. We feel so blessed to have had this experience and each other which also led to a whole new way of appreciating our families and the true support around during the wait,” says adoptive mom Ronie.
“We bought a pink and a blue ‘Baby’s First Christmas’ stockings and had them lay on our mantel, and just knew in our hearts that one day we could hang up one or both…This year the blue one is hanging up for our son, along with the rest of ours!! Have faith and Merry Christmas!!” says adoptive mom Crystll.
Crystll and her husband Dustin adopted their son, Karsin, through Lifetime last spring. They’re pictured here with Lifetime’s Founder and adoptive mother, Mardie Caldwell. You can watch a video taken during their visit with us, “Happy Adoptive Parents Dustin & Crystll Visit Lifetime With Their Baby!”
Heidi Keefer is a Content Creator for Lifetime Adoption and has 15 years of experience in the field of adoption. An author of thousands of blog posts over the years, Heidi enjoys finding new ways to educate and captivate Lifetime’s ever-growing list of subscribers.
Heidi has a keen eye for misplaced apostrophes, comma splices, and well-turned sentences, which she has put to good use as a contributor to Lifetime’s award-winning blogs. She has written and published hundreds of adoption articles which explore the various facets of domestic infant adoption today.