Many adoptive parents-in-waiting wonder if they should begin getting their future baby’s room ready right away, or if it’s best to wait until they’re matched. Today, Lifetime Adoption shares information in support of both sides of the preparing the nursery debate!
The adoptive mother is typically the one who’s eager to start nesting and get the baby’s room ready while they’re waiting for “the call” that birth mother has chosen them. Her husband may take a more practical stance and hope that they can wait until they’re matched before doing anything. It can be hard on the adoptive couple’s marriage because while the wife has the urge to start nesting, the husband gets cautious. So which stance is right? How can you find a happy medium between your two stances about the nursery?
There are positives and negatives to each decision about your future baby’s nursery. If you get it ready and equipped now, you’ll be prepared for a drop-in-the-lap adoption situation that may come your way. However, many adoptive parents have shared with us that it’s hard for them to stare at an empty baby’s room. If you wait to assemble the nursery until you’re matched, you’re able to decorate it with a specific gender in mind. On the other hand, if you haven’t bought any baby items at all, it can be stressful to buy everything a baby will need at the last minute.
Here are some tips for achieving a happy medium:
- Build a baby registry with an imaginary due date. You’re able to take your time researching baby products and getting feedback from your friends to determine which products are the best. Then, just add them to your wish list.
- Keep an adoption journal that shares the events and emotions you’re experiencing during your adoption wait. This will be a sweet addition to your future child’s baby book. And, it’ll be wonderful to be able to share with your child how excited you were for his or her arrival! Read more about this on our post, The Benefits of Keeping a Journal During Your Adoption Wait.
- Start an adoption blog to document the excitement, emotions, and fears you’re facing during your adoption wait. If you’d like, you could even set your blog to Private. Get Lifetime’s tips on how to effectively write in your blog in this post: Before You Adopt-Write in an Adoption Blog.
- Keep in mind that when you have broad adoption preferences, it may be smart to hold off on designing and filling the nursery. You may be open to either gender, twins, and sibling groups. In this case, it’s best to hold off on building out the nursery. For example, you don’t want to end up bringing home a sibling group to a room created for one tiny newborn!
- Buy the basics from a nursery checklist, such a car seat, diaper bag, and bottles. Bring along a friend and make a fun shopping day of it! Car seats can be tricky, so it’s smart to familiarize yourself with how to install the car seat safely. Once you’ve collected the basics, you may choose to simply store them away for the day you bring your baby home. Shopping for the basics can be fun, plus it helps you enjoy the stage you’re in—you’re expecting!
- Enlist your family and friends to help by requesting to borrow baby items, or for their hand-me-downs. It’s easy to spend lots of money on brand-new baby items. The fact is that there are many baby items which are used only for a short while, such as Bumbo seats, Boppy chairs, and bouncy seats.
- Get the nursery partially set up before you’re matched. Just buy and assemble the basics, such as the crib and changing table. Your future baby’s birth mother will love being able to visualize the home that her child will grow up in!
- Read up on infant care, since we all know that babies definitely don’t come with instructions!
Founder of Lifetime Adoption, adoptive mom, adoption expert, and Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P).
Since 1986, adoption expert Mardie Caldwell has been dedicated to bringing couples and birth parents together in order to fulfill their dreams.
“Many years ago, I was also searching for a child to adopt. We didn’t know where or how to get started. Through research, determination, and a prayer, our dream of a family became reality. I started with a plan, a notebook, assistance from a caring adoption consultant and a lot of hard work; this was my family I was building. We had a few heartaches along the way, but the pain of not having children was worse!
Within weeks we had three different birth mothers choose us. We were overwhelmed and delighted. Many unsettling events would take place before our adoption would be finalized, many months later. Little did I know that God was training and aligning me for the adoption work I now do today. It is my goal to share with our families the methods and plans which succeed and do not succeed. I believe adoption should be affordable and can be a wonderful “pregnancy” for the adoptive couple.
I have also been on both sides of infertility with the loss of seven pregnancies and then conceiving by new technology, giving birth to a healthy daughter. I have experienced first-hand the emotional pain of infertility and believe my experience allows me to serve your needs better.
It is my hope that for you, the prospective parents, your desire for a child will be fulfilled soon.”