A Birth Father Story

by | Oct 1, 2021 | Birth Parent Blog

Young man leans on a fence When Jay found out his girlfriend was pregnant, a million thoughts ran through his head. First off, he wasn’t ready to become a father. Second, Jay didn’t feel he could afford to care for a child financially and was not prepared emotionally. He also realized that he and his girlfriend were not going to stay together long-term.
 
Like many young men in this situation, he felt stuck. He felt he was now responsible for taking on parenthood, and his hopes and dreams of travel and higher education were gone. His girlfriend also thought that she was not ready to become a parent and brought up adoption.

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Jay was against this at first. As a man, he felt he needed to “step up to the plate.” What Jay eventually learned was that being a good father doesn’t always mean parenting your child. Sometimes it means putting your child’s needs above your own pride. Jay met with the adoption coordinator his girlfriend was in touch with and learned a lot about adoption.
 
He was surprised to learn that he would not be saying goodbye to his baby forever with open adoption. Jay was happy that he and his girlfriend could choose the parents to raise their child. By the end of the meeting, Jay was on board and committed to finding the best adoptive family for his baby.
 
Young couple sitting in the grass and talking togetherJay and his girlfriend made a list of what was important to them in their baby’s adoptive parents. They wanted an adoptive family that owned a farm, attended church, and lived in the same (or a nearby) state.
 
It was also important to Jay that the adoptive family would give him updates on his child, share pictures and videos, and allow yearly visits. So the search was on, and they quickly found the perfect couple.
 
When his baby girl was born, it was not easy for Jay to place her in the adoptive father’s arms. But, when he saw the joy and the tears in the other man’s eyes, Jay knew he was doing the right thing no matter how much it hurt his heart. He knew he was giving his baby the best chance at a happy life.
 
Five years later, Jay feels like he is part of the family that adopted his daughter. He is a proud birth father and gets invited to birthday parties and dance recitals. He sees his little girl growing up in a loving, happy home.
 
Jay was able to continue his education and has been able to travel. But the one day Jay makes sure he is in town is the day of his daughter’s birthday. “I look forward to that visit every year,” Jay says. “I’ve learned that being a good father can mean placing your child with a wonderful family that is ready and eager to parent. I was able to make another man’s dream of being a father come true, and I was able to move forward with my dreams. Most importantly, I get to see my child growing up healthy and happy!”
 

If you or your girlfriend are considering adoption, call or text Lifetime Adoption 24 hours a day, seven days a week at
1-800-923-6784.
 
They can answer all your questions and just listen if that is what you need.

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Heather Featherston
Written by Heather Featherston

As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston

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