Many women have stood in line holding a pregnancy test, whether it’s for a friend or a “friend.” It doesn’t matter who is peeing on the stick: if a pregnancy test is being bought, it’s like you can feel the panic in the air.
Once you saw that positive pregnancy test, you might have felt a surge of anxiety. It’s as if your stomach dropped to your feet and nothing in life makes sense. You may hope it’s all a dream and that you’re not really pregnant. Anxiety, fear, and even anger are all normal feelings to have right now. For some women, the answer to the question of how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy is clear; for others, it can be difficult and confusing.
Your family or friends might be pressuring you and have strong opinions about what you should do. If you’re in an unplanned pregnancy, take a quick breath. Step away from all your emotional overload.
Here are 7 things that no one tells you about dealing with unexpected pregnancy, and that we want you to know. If you’re feeling unsure of how to deal with unplanned pregnancy, here are some thoughts to consider before you make any decisions.
- No one can tell you what you should do
When deciding how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy, it is important to remember that you’re the best person to make this decision. People will give you their opinions, of course, but NO ONE can tell you how your decisions will affect your life. You, more than anyone else, know what is important to you and what is best for you at this point in your life. If you can turn off the noise from others’ opinions, you may realize your heart already knows which choice is best for you.
- You’re not alone
Nearly half of the 6.1 million pregnancies in the U.S. each year are unplanned (according to the Guttmacher Institute). When you take this stat into real life, the reality is that a lot of women coping with an unplanned pregnancy know the unique heartache you’re feeling.
Connecting with someone who has navigated the journey of an unplanned pregnancy can be incredibly beneficial. Hearing her story can provide valuable insights and perspective, allowing you to understand better the emotions, challenges, and decisions she faced. Every experience is unique, and learning about her journey might not only offer support but also empower you to make informed choices about your own situation. Her input can shed light on aspects you may not have considered.
- It’s OK to be scared
It’s normal to feel scared and confused. No matter how old you are, an unintended pregnancy can come as a shock.
It’s also okay to be sad or angry. Maybe you’re grieving a version of your life that you’re going to have to let go of. Or maybe you’re just not ready at this point in your life to raise a child.
However you’re feeling when dealing with unplanned pregnancy, it’s okay to feel that way. Don’t repress your feelings. These emotions will eat you alive if you don’t allow yourself to feel them fully.
There isn’t a definitive ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ way to make your decision, and likewise, there’s no perfect combination of actions that will lead you there. Whatever you decide, and however you come to that conclusion, it is ‘right’ as long as it feels right for you.
- Anger and fear are bad decision-making tools
When dealing with an unwanted pregnancy, it’s normal to feel embarrassed, ashamed, and even disappointed with yourself. Remember, an unexpected pregnancy doesn’t define who you are, no matter what others say. Getting pregnant by accident doesn’t make you irresponsible.
Try to calm down so that you can think clearly before you make a decision. Your emotions are real, but they can end up getting in the way of your thinking clearly.
Think about how you feel and write it down; this can help if you’re confused. Here are some questions to help explore your feelings:
- Values: What are your values and beliefs about abortion, parenting, and adoption?
- Goals: What are your short-term and long-term goals?
- Relationships: How will having a baby affect your relationships with family, friends, and your partner?
- Finances: What is your financial situation?
- Health: How will having a baby affect your health and well-being?
- Readiness: Am I ready to raise a child right now?
- Support: Do I have support from family, friends, and my partner?
- It’s good to have a support system
When faced with the challenges of an unplanned pregnancy, seeking advice from people you trust can be beneficial. This advice could come from a friend, parent, school counselor, someone from your community, or your doctor. Trusted people often have your best interests at heart and can provide emotional support during a time that feels overwhelming.
Friends and family know you well, so they can provide advice tailored to your situation. Their familiarity with your values, beliefs, and lifestyle allows for a more personalized approach to their advice. People you trust may have valuable information about resources available to you, whether healthcare options, financial advice, or community programs. They can guide you toward help you may not have been aware of.
Plus, different people have different experiences and viewpoints. Discussing your situation with those you trust can present you with a variety of perspectives, which can help you make an informed decision.
If you’re thinking about adoption, a support system can be hard to find. You can find one through virtual, online support, but it’ll be an important factor in moving forward. Consider visiting a pregnancy center or talking to one of Lifetime’s peer counselors. These are women who have been where you are right now, so they’re able to give you advice. If you’re interested in talking to birth mothers, just call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784.
- You’re not a statistic
It’s normal to feel embarrassed, ashamed, or even disappointed in yourself as you begin to cope with an unplanned pregnancy. But at the end of the day, know that you’re so much more than a statistic. Your pregnancy, whether planned or unplanned, doesn’t define you. Getting pregnant by accident doesn’t make you irresponsible or stupid.
An unplanned pregnancy can often feel isolating. You can break that isolation by reaching out to trusted friends, family, or counselors. They can share their experiences, connect you with others who have gone through similar challenges, and help you feel less alone in this journey. Remember, you are not alone in this journey; reaching out can lay the foundation for informed decisions.
- Adoption is a choice that you can make anytime
You don’t have to decide on adoption right now. Adoption is one of three unplanned pregnancy options, and it’s never too late to choose adoption. Lifetime has helped women make an adoption plan after their baby’s been born and even when their child is a few years old. We’re not here to rush you or pressure you. It’s entirely your choice.
Lifetime Adoption
Lifetime Adoption provides compassionate support and guidance for pregnant women and mothers navigating the adoption process. Our dedicated team understands that each journey is unique and often emotionally complex, which is why we offer personalized assistance tailored to your specific needs.
From the first moment you reach out, we are here to listen and provide information about your options, helping you make informed decisions that align with your values and desires. We encourage connections with caring adoptive families who are eager to welcome your child, ensuring that you can find the right match that feels right for you.
At Lifetime Adoption, our mission is to create a nurturing environment where you can explore how to deal with an unplanned pregnancy while ensuring a loving future for your child.
If you’re not ready to become a parent, adoption could be a way to give your child the life you would want for them. Open adoption offers the unique opportunity for you to maintain a relationship with your child as they develop and grow. This form of adoption can include regular communication and visits, allowing you to share in the milestones of their life. It creates a supportive environment where both the birth parents and adoptive families can build a caring network, ensuring that your child has access to their roots and a better understanding of their identity.
An unplanned pregnancy can bring about a whirlwind of emotions, but with the right support, you can navigate through it and reach a decision that aligns with your wishes. Call or text Lifetime Adoption at 1-800-923-6784 whenever you’re ready to learn more about adoption.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on December 22, 2017, and has since been updated.
Mardie Caldwell, C.O.A.P., is nationally recognized as an expert on open adoption. A Certified Open Adoption Practitioner (C.O.A.P.), Caldwell is the founder of Lifetime Adoption Center, established in 1986. She has assisted in over 2,000 successful adoptions and was one of the first adoption professionals on the Internet.
Caldwell's life work is dedicated to educating and helping birth parents find the right adoptive parents for their child. She spreads the word about modern adoption through speaking appearances, webinars, online resources, and as a podcast show host.
She has written several award-winning books, including So I Was Thinking About Adoption, the first book of its kind. There are many reasons women choose adoption, and this short book is a comprehensive resource to make the best plan for you and your baby. Caldwell wrote So I Was Thinking About Adoption as a handy guide to the details of the adoption process.
Caldwell has made over 150 media appearances, including ABC News, CBS News, Larry King Live, CNN Headline News, NBC's The Today Show, CNN's The Campbell Brown Show, NBC News, KGO Newstalk Radio, CNN's Black in America II, MSNBC, Fox, PBS, BBC, and Dr. Laura.
Looking to talk to someone about An unplanned pregnancy. I’m a mom to 5 already & thought my family was complete! Just found out I’m expecting again & having. Hard time dealing with the emotions.
Hi Christina! You can give one of Lifetime’s kind and experienced coordinators a call or text at 1-800-923-6784. We have compassionate and well-trained staff available throughout the day (and night!) to answer your questions about an unplanned pregnancy.