How to Decide if Adoption is for You: 5 Steps

by | May 13, 2016 | Birth Parent Blog

unplanned_pregnancy-1.jpgDeciding whether to make an adoption plan for your child can be a difficult choice to make.  You are not alone in this decision, though. Know that Lifetime is here to help and support you as you make your pregnancy choice.  We can give you information on adoption, offer you advice, or just sit and listen to what you need to say.  Everyone needs support when faced with a decision like this, and Lifetime has experience with many women who have gone through similar situations.

No matter who you turn to for support, do not let them rush you into making any decisions.  This is YOUR decision – accept their advice, accept their information, but do not let them bully you into a decision that you do not think is right.  This is your pregnancy and your baby.

Here are 5 steps you can use to help decide if adoption is right for you:

  1. List all the choices you have.  Even if you do not think it could happen, put it down.  As you gather info, you can eliminate what will not work.
  1. Ask yourself some hard questions.  You need to ask questions that not only deal with the present, but also your future.  Write them down and answer them honestly.  Here are a few to get you started:

 – What do I want to do with my life?

 – Is there someone willing to support me?  If not, how will I support me and my baby?

 – Do I feel comfortable being on public assistance?

 – What are my views on abortion?  How will an abortion make me feel years from now?

 – What kind of people do I think would make good parents?

 – Am I ready for the responsibility of being a parent? A single parent?

 – Can I share my decision with my parents and friends? 

 – If someone I know does not like the decision, how will I deal with it?

 – Is the father of the baby willing to help me through the pregnancy and after it?

  1. Learn everything possible about each pregnancy choice. Ask people you trust what things they would consider if they were experiencing this.  Remember, this is your decision.  Do not let anyone force you to make a decision you are uncomfortable with.
  1. Look at the pros and cons of each option and write them down.  Put them in a list of most favorable to least.  This can help you see the whole picture.
  1. Look inside yourself.  Explore all your feelings.  This decision is an extremely personal one.  Only you know how you feel about what is happening.

A number of years ago, we worked with a woman in her mid-20’s who called to get adoption info only because her mother encouraged her to at least look into it.  She wasn’t truly interested. She wanted to be a mom to her baby.

As we talked, I asked her some of these hard questions.  This exercise made her really think about her situation.

“Is the father of your baby ready to support you, your baby, and be a dad.”

“Well, he isn’t around right now but I know he’ll be when the baby is here.”

“How do you know he’ll be?”

“Well, I guess I don’t really know but I just kind of hope he will.”

“And what if he doesn’t? What if he doesn’t come back and doesn’t pay child support?”

“I don’t want to think about that.”

“Do you have someone else then who will support you?”

“My mom said I can live with her for three months.”

“Then what?”

“I want to get my own place.”

“Great! How will you pay for it? And diapers, clothes, gas, a car, and other stuff?”

“Ummm… Maybe child support for some. But I don’t know.  I don’t have to know that now do I? Can’t I figure it out when the baby’s here.”

“How will you figure it out when you have to get up with baby every three to four hours in the night and have a little one to care for all day?”

“I don’t know.”

Through the exercise, she realized that she needed a plan. She realized that she was unprepared for life as a single mom.  She hadn’t planned this out fully. It wasn’t the life she had expected.  When her man didn’t come around, she started to open up more to adoption, learning about the opportunities.

No matter what your decision is, be sure to see your doctor as soon as possible and schedule all necessary appointments.  And remember, there are people ready to help and support you.

Heather Featherston

Written by Heather Featherston

As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.

Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.

As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.

Read more about Heather Featherston


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