Building Your Family Through Ethical Adoption: What You Need to Know Before You Start

You’ve already taken the first step toward your ethical adoption by coming to this article. In learning about the choices and details that come with modern adoption, you’re getting ready to ensure a positive outcome for your future baby and their birth parents.

As one of the authentically ethical adoption agencies in the country, ethics are a part of nearly every aspect of a Lifetime adoption. They are at the heart of our professional practice. We ensure that every birth parent is able to place their child into a loving family that is best equipped to meet their specific needs.

However, we recognize that adoption isn’t right for everyone, so we will never pressure an expectant mother or adoptive couple into a decision that’s not right for them. For those interested in adoption, Lifetime’s adoption professionals ensure to provide the information and support they need to make a clear-minded, objective decision. Keep reading to learn more about ethical issues in adoption and how Lifetime Adoption approaches them.

Table of Contents

• What Makes an Ethical Adoption?
• Values Alignment: Finding the Right Agency Partnership
• Lifetime Adoption, a Top Ethical Adoption Agency in the U.S.
• Comprehensive Information and Resources for Birth Mothers
• Meeting Birth Mothers Where They Are
• Screening and Education for Adoptive Parents
• Open Adoption is Encouraged
• Ethical Adoption Fees
• Professional Licensing

What Makes an Ethical Adoption?

You may be wondering how ethical adoptions are different from unethical ones. Above all, adoption is ethical when it is in the child’s best interests and when the birth parents are afforded due process before their rights are terminated.

Ethical adoption is not defined by:

• Speed or short wait times
• Convenience or “easy” processes
• Guarantees of a baby in exchange for a fee

No ethical agency can promise you a baby as an outcome because you paid a fee. Adoption is a process, not a transaction. An ethical agency cannot control the speed of your adoption because birth mothers are given the option of choosing a family, and there’s no time limit dictating when she will find the family that she feels is the best fit for her child.

Here are additional important aspects of an ethical adoption:

• The expectant mother is offered comprehensive, no-cost information, education, and resources about her choices.
• Adoptive parents go through intensive screening and education to prepare for the dynamics of adoption
• Open adoption is encouraged and celebrated for the benefits it provides all in the adoption triad
• Trained, caring adoption professionals are available 24/7 to help birth parents
• Post-support is offered after placement to birth parents, adoptive parents, and adoptees
• The agency does not charge any fees to apply to their program
• Adoption fees aren’t based on the race of the baby
• The agency involved is licensed and accredited
• The agency speaks about birth parents with respect, compassion, and empathy

In a truly ethical adoption, no one is pressured to move forward until they’re ready. When they are ready, our adoption professionals will work faithfully to protect not only their rights and interests, but the rights and interests of the child involved too.

If you’ve just started exploring adoption, then the requirements of an ethical adoption can seem overwhelming. But these requirements are critical to creating an adoption where each member is respected and equal.

However, an ethical adoption can be difficult to complete on your own. Lifetime Adoption is here to make it easier and provide the reassurance you need to face the ethical issues of adoption.

Values Alignment: Finding the Right Agency Partnership

Beyond identifying what makes an adoption ethical, it’s equally important to understand how to evaluate an agency’s values and whether they align with yours. You are trusting an adoption agency with one of the most life-altering journeys you’ll ever make, and they will be representing you throughout the process.

Not every family and every adoption agency are meant to work together. There simply isn’t always alignment between values. Families of faith often have an easier time identifying what aligns with their values because they’re very clear on what those values are. But whether you’re a family of faith or not, it’s important to take time to identify what your values are before you become emotionally and financially invested with an agency.

Important Questions to Ask

When evaluating an agency, listen carefully to:

• How they speak about birth parents – What words do they use? What’s the tone? Where’s the heart?
• How they handle disappointment – What happens if a birth mother decides to parent? Do they disappear, or do they continue to care for her?
• How they discuss the complexity of adoption – Do they only talk about fairy tale endings and placement day, or do they also discuss grief, loss, and the lifelong implications for everyone involved?
• Their financial practices – Can they clearly explain all fees? What happens to your fees if a match doesn’t result in placement?

Beware of “Industry Standard”

If you hear the answer, “Well, that’s the industry standard,” don’t accept it at face value. Agencies do things differently. Adoption professionals and attorneys do things very differently. What may be standard to one agency may be very different for another. Ask around and compare.

Your adoption journey is too important to settle for answers that don’t feel right. Ask every question, even if you’re feeling like you don’t know if you should ask it. Any ethical adoption professional should be prepared to welcome your questions and take the time to ensure that they too want to work with you—that it’s a good fit on both sides.

Lifetime Adoption, a Top Ethical Adoption Agency in the U.S.

If you’re hoping to adopt a baby in the U.S., enlisting the help of an agency may seem like the best way to do so. But be cautious because not every agency works with the birth parent’s and adoptee’s best interest in mind. Rather, they focus on the one providing them money, the hopeful adoptive parents.

Lifetime Adoption is different. From our inception in 1986, Founder Mardie Caldwell has realized that birth mothers and birth fathers are the heart and soul of Lifetime Adoption. An ethical adoption starts with these amazing women and men who place their children for adoption out of great love, despite the pain they are causing themselves. We hold these parents in high regard, and our priority is to provide them with all the support and resources they need.

Everything that we do supports ethical adoptions. To ensure that we provide the best services regardless of where you are in your adoption journey, we’ve put a few critical services in place:

Comprehensive Information and Resources for Birth Mothers

We do not want a birth mother ever to feel pressured to place her baby for adoption. That’s why at Lifetime Adoption, a major part of our ethical adoption practices includes support and education for birth parents. We provide this support and education at no cost to them.

Lifetime prepares and empowers expectant parents by:

• Educating them about their rights
• Avoiding the pressure of having to choose an adoptive family early in their pregnancy
• Discussing the benefits of open adoption
• Explaining what their child will need from them as they grow
• Reassuring them they can change their minds without guilt
• Offering post-placement counseling and support
• Helping them explore options for parenting, not just adoption

We know that placement is not the end, but the beginning, because adoption is a lifelong experience. Ethical adoption practice means offering support all along that journey. And there is never a charge to birth parents at Lifetime.

We educate birth mothers to know they have the right to make their own choices about their adoption plans. These choices include her baby’s adoptive parents, how things are handled in the hospital when she gives birth, and how much she stays in contact with the adoptive family and her child.

A Focus on Birth Parents

As an adoption agency focusing on birth parents, we are proud of the services we offer pregnant women considering adoption. Our adoption professionals know that it’s important for birth parents to have the ability to choose adoptive parents for their child from a wide variety of couples nationwide. To create an ethical adoption, the birth mother should be able to choose any family she wants, including characteristics in families such as geographical location, interests, family size, and faith. They have the freedom to choose any family they wish, not be stuck with only the available families from the first professional they find.

Ethical adoption practice also means that a birth mother of color should have the option to place her baby with adoptive parents of the same racial identity. These children will have the opportunity to grow up in homes where they see themselves and their racial identity reflected in their adoptive families and communities.

Some ethical issues in adoption arise from birth parents who regret their adoption decision later in life because they were misled or misinformed about their choices. Lifetime Adoption works to prevent that before a birth mother signs adoption paperwork. Because of the care and attention we provide birth mothers, Lifetime has a low reclaim rate. When a woman can make a fully informed, well-thought-out decision about adoption, she is less likely to reclaim.

Unbiased, Non-Coercive Counseling

At Lifetime, all birth parents have access to unbiased and non-coercive qualified counseling. This counseling helps them receive comprehensive information on the full range of their options. Trained, caring adoption professionals are available 24/7 to help birth parents and answer their questions. Birth mothers can reach Lifetime any time of the day or night – they never get an answering machine, but can instead speak to a member of Lifetime’s caring staff.

Our adoption professionals make sure a birth mother knows that she has rights. She retains the right to change her mind about adoption at any time before giving consent. After placement, Lifetime continues to provide support and third-party counseling to birth parents as they move through the grieving process.

Due to this support, education, and information, any Lifetime birth mother who chooses you has worked with our adoption coordinators and been provided all the information and support needed to make the adoption decision. As a result, any birth mother you speak with will be more secure in choosing adoption for her baby.

Meeting Birth Mothers Where They Are

An ethical agency will never pressure an expectant mom, won’t rush her, and definitely won’t coerce someone toward adoption. One way this shows up in practice is in how agencies handle requirements and expectations.

Some agencies have very rigid requirements and expectations of birth mothers. They want them to prove that she’s no longer drinking any alcohol whatsoever, or they require her to show up to specific appointments at the doctor’s office or agency office. While this might sound comforting to adoptive parents, it can actually neglect the very barriers that brought a woman to consider adoption in the first place.

Meeting someone where they are is crucial. These are primarily women who are in crisis situations. Meeting them where they are may mean:

• Meeting them via text
• Meeting them at a Starbucks or McDonald’s
• Walking at their pace as they make the decision and learn if adoption is right for them
• Understanding that she may be dealing with significant life challenges

This doesn’t mean an agency shouldn’t encourage a birth mom to make healthy choices or encourage her to continue great communication. It just means meeting her where she is, with compassion and respect for her dignity regardless of what she ultimately chooses.

Screening and Education for Adoptive Parents

Before hopeful parents can begin their adoption journey with Lifetime, our team of adoption professionals thoroughly screens each applicant to ensure they can provide a safe, healthy home environment to a child. At Lifetime Adoption, we prioritize the safety of the child, and to create ethical adoptions, our professionals take great care in ensuring they are only placed with safe, prepared families.

We know that not everyone should adopt, even couples who might be wonderful parents to children by birth. Adoptive parenting involves unique tasks like helping children understand the meaning of being adopted, supporting their curiosity about relationships with their birth family, and sustaining their child’s racial identity.

We do not charge a fee to apply to adopt. Our team of professionals carefully assesses all applicants because we want to ensure we can help you adopt. We believe it isn’t ethical to charge you to apply if our program doesn’t align with your adoption goals. Lifetime Adoption limits the number of families we work with monthly to ensure each family gets the personalized attention they need.

Since not just anyone can adopt successfully, Lifetime Adoption educates all of our adoptive parents ahead of time. In monthly adoption webinars, we talk about all the aspects of adoption and what to expect. Our adoption professionals discuss with hopeful parents their goals and ideals for adoption. We work together to create a plan for their adoption that follows ethical adoption standards and ensures they are fully ready to raise an adopted child.

Home Study Resources

A big part of the adoption education process is completing an adoption home study. This typically involves a criminal background check, personal references, and a social worker’s visit to your home. There will also be a review of your financial situation and medical history.

An adoption home study evaluates the prospective adoptive parents for parenting fitness and preparedness and evaluates their home to ensure it is safe and appropriate for a child. Ideally, the home study should also be used to have an open conversation with prospective adoptive parents about the path that led them to adoption and their thoughts and feelings about expanding their family this way. It is also an opportunity to further educate families about adoption both generally and specific to the type of adoption the couple is pursuing.

Your Lifetime coordinator has referrals to qualified home study providers nationwide. If you are in Florida or Arkansas, we would be thrilled to complete your home study ourselves!

Open Adoption is Encouraged

Lifetime Adoption was an early advocate of open adoption, encouraging it for the benefits it provides all involved in adoption before most adoption agencies. To that end, we educate our adoptive parents about ethical adoption contact with birth parents, including how to interact at the hospital, what to expect, and more.

Many of the ethical issues in adoption arise from closed adoptions, which are often harmful to all involved; adoptees don’t have access to their personal history, birth parents don’t get to select their baby’s parents or see their child grow up, and adoptive parents don’t have access to the medical information they need to keep their child safe.

Lifetime Adoption requires all adoptive couples to be open to contact with birth parents, both before and after placement. Since we know firsthand how valuable open adoption is, it would be unethical to allow an adoptive parent to enter into the process with antiquated preferences. Birth parents are the ones who decide the frequency and method of adoption contact, and our adoption professional will then ensure there is an available adoptive family who shares those same desires.

Ethical Adoption Fees

Some adoption agencies base their fee structures on the race or ethnic background of the child. When money is correlated to a child’s characteristics, it’s difficult to argue that the fee is not for the services but rather, for the child. Here at Lifetime, our flat fees remain the same, no matter the child’s race. Adoptive couples pay for our services, not for a child or children.

“…[Fees] should be fair and reasonable (based on the complexity of the particular adoption). Information about the fees paid or to be paid should be made available to all parties to the adoption, including birth family members. Fees should never be based on the race or ethnic background of the child or youth to be adopted,” shares the North American Council on Adoptable Children (now known as Families Rising) in their article “Ethics in Adoption.”

An ethical agency will provide a clear and written explanation of fees. Some fees may be known, some fees may be unknown (for instance, pregnancy-related expenses are not known until you have a match). Each case should be looked at individually and ethically.

Important Financial Questions to Ask

• When are fees due?
• Will I be expected to have a fee payment suddenly?
• What happens financially if a birth parent changes her mind? What is at risk? What will I lose?
• What happens to fees paid to the agency if a match doesn’t result in placement?
• Is there a rollover policy?

You need to feel good about the answers. If you get an answer and it doesn’t feel right, ask somebody else or ask more questions. An ethical adoption professional will be comfortable explaining what you can expect and what you will receive.

If an agency says “Well, you know, we did the work, the fees are paid, I’m sorry, you lose it all,” that’s not the best answer. There should be a rollover, meaning they should continue with you.

Professional Licensing

As a licensed adoption agency, Lifetime Adoption’s work is reviewed by government officials and must meet certain standards. This process holds us accountable for completing only ethical adoptions. We hold ourselves to a higher standard than other agencies which results in only the highest ethical adoption practices. You can rest assured that all of Lifetime’s work meets state adoption laws and regulations to best serve our birth parents, adoptive families, and adoptees.

As you weigh your options, the Let’s Talk Adoption podcast has a helpful episode worth your time. In “Choosing an Ethical Adoption Agency: Values Every Family Should Consider,” hosts Kim and Heather walk through exactly what to look for — from transparency and financial clarity to how agencies support birth parents regardless of outcome. It’s a practical, thoughtful listen for any family early in the process.

If you’re looking for an ethical adoption agency, there’s no better choice than Lifetime Adoption. Our adoption professionals are dedicated to providing safe, legal, and successful adoption experiences for all members of the adoption triad, for a lifetime. To learn more about Lifetime’s ethical adoption practices, you can request information or call 727-493-0933 to speak with a qualified professional.

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Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on August 30, 2023, and has since been updated.