An unplanned pregnancy can happen more than once in a person’s life. The emotions that come with each situation can be overwhelming, and it’s completely natural to feel a mixture of surprise, confusion, or even fear. If you’re facing an unplanned second pregnancy and feeling overwhelmed at the thought of raising another child, it’s important to learn about all of your options. One option that you may not have thought about is adoption.
Lifetime has helped many women who were already parenting other children place the baby they were pregnant with for adoption. If you feel like you’re not ready or able to raise another child, adoption could be the best option for you.
Why Choose Adoption for an Unplanned Second Pregnancy?
As you consider whether you should choose adoption for this unplanned second pregnancy, here are some things to know:
Adoption allows you to keep a relationship with your child
An open adoption will allow you to stay in touch with your child and the adoptive parents. Open adoptions allow you to choose how much communication you want with the adoptive family and your child. It can involve phone calls, emails, FaceTime calls, texts, and even visits. You’ll get to watch your child grow up, plus your other child can have a relationship with their younger biological sibling.
Adoption allows you to choose the adoptive family
When you choose to make an adoption plan, you are in control of who adopts your child. Lifetime Adoption has many pre-approved, loving adoptive parents located all over the nation who come from a variety of backgrounds and races. You can start browsing adoptive parent profiles today!
Adoption gives you access to counseling and support
Your Adoption Coordinator can answer all your questions and provide you with information about adoption. They’ll also be available to you 24/7 to provide a listening ear and encouragement. Depending on the state you live in, you can get financial help for some things, such as:
- Professional counseling
- Support from a member of our peer support team: these are women are birth mothers themselves, so they understand what you’re going through
- Maternity clothing
- Medical costs
- Your rent
- Groceries
- Transportation to your doctor’s appointment
- Legal fees: an adoption lawyer will help protect your rights during the adoption process.
Non-Judgmental Support from Lifetime Adoption
Lifetime Adoption has over 35 years of experience helping birth mothers place their second, third, and even fourth babies for adoption. We’re familiar with the many situations birth mothers find themselves in, such as an unplanned second pregnancy. We will never judge you. We understand life happens and will work hard to help you in any way we can.
Placing a second child in adoption is a loving, courageous choice on your part. It allows you to provide your child with the best life you can, with a loving adoptive couple of your choice.
“What Do I Tell My Kids About the Adoption of Their Biological Sibling?”
If you have other children that you are raising and you decide to place this new baby with an adoptive family, you may find that your kids will have questions and need some explanation as to why this is happening.
How do you go about having this conversation while keeping in mind the impact and effects of adoption on biological siblings? What should you expect as you try to explain your choice for adoption? And what can open adoption mean for your whole family in the future? Here are six practical tips to explain to your other child (or children) that you’re placing the baby you’re pregnant with for adoption:
#1: Acknowledge Their Feelings
Realize that your kids have a right to feel confusion, sadness, or even anger about your baby being raised with an adoptive family. It’s important to acknowledge your children’s emotions about the change that is about to happen within your family. These emotions may include fear, anger, curiosity, or sadness. Talk them through their feelings and make sure they know that you hear what they are trying to say.
Use language that is easy to understand at their age. Adoption can be a confusing concept for a child, so explaining that this was not an easy decision for you is alright. You might explain that you don’t have a crib, special baby food, or a stroller to push the baby in, and there wouldn’t be anyone to care for the baby while you are at work. Tell them that you have found a family who want a baby to love and that they are going to take care of the baby in your tummy.
Sometimes, older girls can be some of the most difficult for a birth mother to communicate with. The idea of a new baby sounds fun, and they offer to help. Taking the time to hear them out allows you also to explain the work and money involved in bringing another baby into your home.
#2: Welcome Questions
Let them ask as many questions as they want. Always keeping communication open is key to making this transition as smooth as possible for your kids. Make sure they know you are available for them to ask any questions they have. Also, make time to check in with them regularly through your pregnancy and ask about how they are feeling with everything.
Children’s books can help them understand adoption. Sam’s Sister is a book written for young siblings of mothers choosing adoption. It’s about a five-year-old girl whose mother is planning on adoption for the baby she is carrying because she can’t care for another child.
#3: Provide Reassurance
Depending on your other children’s age, they may feel concerned or fearful that they are not secure in your home. They may even think that you want them to live with an adoptive family, too. Explain that they will still live with you. They will always be the baby’s sister or brother, but the baby just won’t live with you.
Give your child assurance of your love for them and the baby. Explain open adoption and how they’ll get to see their younger sibling as they grow up.
Use reassuring words that show your commitment to them as a mother. Tell them that you want to be the best mom that you can be, and having another baby would mean that you couldn’t be the type of parent that you wanted, but that your love and dedication to them will never change.
#4: Share About Sibling Bonds
Let them know that no matter what, they will always have a sister or brother. Make sure your children understand that no matter where their brother or sister lives, they will always have a bond with them that remains. Talk to them about how special sibling relationships are and encourage them to understand that because you chose open adoption, they will still be able to see how their brother or sister is doing and watch them grow up.
Share with them your plans for future contact and how that might look for them, too! If you are planning visits, they can see their sibling. If not, they can draw pictures and send them. Talk about this and let them ask questions about it.
#5: Be Honest
Kids are smart! They can easily pick up on what’s happening, so it’s best to be honest about your feelings. It is no secret that placing your child for adoption can feel sad and even heartbreaking at times. You will likely experience grief along the way, as well.
When you feel those things, try to stay open and honest with your kids about them. Tell them if you are having a hard day. Focusing on staying honest will show you that you value this trait, which ultimately helps your kids to be honest about how they are feeling, too.
#6: Speak of Love
Above everything, make sure you talk about how much you love your children, including the baby that is growing inside of you. Use positive adoption language such as “choosing adoption” or “placing in another home” instead of “give away my baby” or “giving up.”
Try to explain to them that while this decision is complicated and sometimes it may be tough to understand, you are choosing adoption because you love your baby — and your whole family.
How Will Adoption Help Both You and Your Child?
When you choose adoptive parents for the baby you’re pregnant with, you’ll be able to meet with them as many times as you want. This can help you get to know them better and find out if they’re the right parents for your baby.
Birth mothers often say that meeting with the adoptive family is like getting a second family. Adoptive parents and birth parents have a shared goal: to love the child and provide them with the best life possible. When you choose adoption, you don’t lose a child; you gain a family. You’ll get to see your child grow up into adulthood. Many birth mothers have wonderful relationships with their adult children who were placed for adoption.
The fact that your other child or children can visit with their younger sibling can be helpful to them. They’ll see that their younger sibling is happy and well cared for, which will help them not worry.
Options for an Unplanned Second Pregnancy
Life happens, and an unplanned second pregnancy can catch you by surprise. If you’re experiencing this right now, don’t despair. You have options, and one of them is to place your child for adoption.
Reach out to Lifetime Adoption to learn more by calling or texting 1-800-923-6784. We are ready to help you in any way we can, answer your questions, and provide you with support and encouragement.
Editor’s Note: This article was originally published on July 30, 2021, and has since been updated.
As Vice President of Lifetime Adoption, Heather Featherston holds an MBA and is passionate about working with those facing adoption, pregnancy, and parenting issues. Heather has conducted training for birth parent advocates, spoken to professional groups, and has appeared on television and radio to discuss the multiple aspects of adoption. She has provided one-on-one support to women and hopeful adoptive parents working through adoption decisions.
Since 2002, she has been helping pregnant women and others in crisis to learn more about adoption. Heather also trains and speaks nationwide to pregnancy clinics to effectively meet the needs of women who want to explore adoption for their child. Today, she continues to address the concerns women have about adoption and supports the needs of women who choose adoption for their child.
As a published author of the book Called to Adoption, Featherston loves to see God’s hand at work every day as she helps children and families come together through adoption.
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