How to Tell Your Baby’s Father You’re Thinking About Adoption

how to tell baby's father you are thinking about adoption
An unplanned pregnancy means you have a lot of decisions to make. Ideally, your decision to make an adoption plan will be made with the support of friends, family and the father of the baby. It’s important to talk about your adoption decision with your baby’s father. Here are some tips on how to do that:

Be Honest About Your Decision
This is a difficult subject but putting it off will not help. Talk to your baby’s father about adoption as soon as you can. Be open with him, telling him about your plan to pursue adoption. Tell him the reasons why you think open adoption is the best choice for all of you. Share information about the adoption process. Let him look through the profiles of prospective parents. Give him assurance that you have truly thought through this plan.

Let Him Ask Questions
He might wonder what open adoption is, and whether it’s really the best choice for his child. He might question the process or the hopeful adoptive parents. Be open to letting him ask as many questions as he needs to. Answer the questions if you can, or refer him to an Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime. By listening to his concerns, you’ll be helping him accept your decision.

Open Adoption and Birth Fathers
Remind him that he may be a part of his child’s future even after the adoption. He may want to take part in open adoption visits, and receive updates on his child.

If you’re no longer together, his contact with the adoptive family and your child can be separate from yours. For example, you might only request emails and photos from the adoptive couple of your baby, but he might also choose to talk with them on the phone a few times a year.

Ask for His Cooperation
The decision to make an adoption plan isn’t one that you’re making lightly. It’s not a choice that you just made overnight; you’ve put a lot of thought into this.

So you might invite your baby’s father to help with the adoption process. He could look through adoptive family profiles with you, or even help interview prospective parents. Let him be a part of the entire process. Even if he chooses not to help with the adoption, asking him to join you may help him to accept the future.

If He Doesn’t Agree
The father may still oppose the adoption, even after being presented with all of the evidence that it is the right course of action. If this happens, you can still pursue open adoption on your own.

Your Adoption Coordinator at Lifetime can help you learn what your options are if he’s uncooperative.

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