Pregnancy Options: Parenting, Adoption, or Abortion

Finding out you’re pregnant, especially when the pregnancy was unexpected, can bring a lot of questions and emotions. You may be wondering, “What are my pregnancy options?” or “What should I do if I’m pregnant and don’t feel ready to be a parent?”

If you’re facing an unplanned pregnancy, you have three main options:

1. Parenting: giving birth and raising your baby.
2. Abortion: ending the pregnancy through medication or a medical procedure.
3. Adoption: giving birth and making an adoption plan for your baby to be raised by another family.

There is no one-size-fits-all answer. Your circumstances, values, relationships, goals, support system, finances, and feelings may all play a role in your decision.

Take time to learn about each of your pregnancy options and consider what you want for yourself and your baby. You don’t have to make this decision alone.

What Should I Consider When Choosing My Pregnancy Options?

When you first discover an unexpected pregnancy, it can be difficult to know where to begin. You may feel overwhelmed, scared, excited, confused, or uncertain. All of these feelings can make it harder to think clearly.

It may help to slow down and consider questions such as:

• What do I want my life to look like in the next few years?
• Am I prepared to raise a child right now?
• What kind of emotional and practical support do I have?
• How would each pregnancy option affect my education, career, relationships, or other children?
• What is my financial situation?
• What are my personal, moral, or religious beliefs?
• What does the baby’s father think about the pregnancy?
• Is anyone pressuring me to make a particular decision?
• What information do I still need before I can make an informed choice?

You may also want to talk with someone you trust, like a family member, friend, counselor, pastor, healthcare professional, or the baby’s father, if appropriate.

Most importantly, make sure you have accurate information about all your options before deciding.

Pregnancy Option #1: Parenting

Parenting means continuing the pregnancy, giving birth, and raising your child.

For some women, parenting is the choice they want to make, even when the pregnancy was unexpected. For others, the reality of becoming a parent right now may feel overwhelming.

Consider your current situation and the support available to you.

Questions to Ask Yourself About Parenting

• Am I emotionally ready to become a parent?
• Can I provide a safe and stable home for my baby?
• Who could help me care for my baby?
• Would the baby’s father be involved?
• How would parenting affect my education or career?
• What would childcare cost?
• How would I provide for my baby financially?
• How would having another child affect my current children, if I have any?
• What changes would I need to make to my lifestyle?

You don’t have to have every detail of your future figured out. However, honestly considering your circumstances can help you understand whether parenting feels like the right choice for you.

Pregnancy Option #2: Abortion

Abortion ends a pregnancy through medication or a medical procedure. The availability, timing, and type of abortion care can depend on factors such as how far along the pregnancy is and where you live.

If you are considering abortion, talk with a qualified healthcare professional who can provide current medical information specific to your circumstances. Ask about the available procedures or medications, potential risks and side effects, and what to expect before and after treatment.

Your healthcare provider can also help answer questions about your pregnancy and your health.

Questions to Consider

If abortion is one of the pregnancy options you’re considering, you may want to ask:

• How far along am I in my pregnancy?
• What abortion methods are available to me?
• What should I expect during and after the procedure or medication?
• What are the potential risks and side effects?
• What will the abortion cost?
• Are there legal or logistical considerations where I live?
• Do I feel confident that this is the decision I want to make?
• Am I making this decision freely, without pressure from someone else?

If you’re unsure, it’s okay to take some time to learn more and talk with a qualified professional or someone you trust.

Pregnancy Option #3: Adoption

Adoption allows you to continue your pregnancy and give birth while making a plan for your baby to be raised by an adoptive family.

Choosing adoption does not mean that you don’t love your baby or that you are giving up. For some expectant mothers, adoption is a way to give their child opportunities and a future they don’t feel able to provide themselves.

Modern adoption can also look very different from the closed adoptions of generations past. In an open adoption, you can choose your baby’s adoptive family and make an agreement for ongoing communication.

What Does Open Adoption Mean?

Open adoption can allow a birth mother to remain connected with her child and the adoptive family after placement.

Depending on the adoption plan, communication may include:

• Pictures and letters
• Text messages or emails
• Phone calls
• Video calls
• Updates about your child’s life
• In-person visits

Every adoption relationship is different. You can discuss the type of relationship you want with the adoptive family and the level of contact that feels right for you.

Can I Choose My Baby’s Adoptive Family?

Yes. In a private domestic adoption, expectant mothers often review profiles of prospective adoptive families and choose the family they believe is the best fit for their baby.

You may have preferences regarding the family’s values, parenting style, religious beliefs, family structure, location, interests, or other characteristics that are important to you.

At Lifetime Adoption, our adoption coordinators can help you understand your choices and introduce you to families who may be a good match.

What Support Is Available If I Choose Adoption?

You don’t have to navigate an adoption plan by yourself.

Depending on your circumstances and location, adoption support may include:

• Adoption counseling
• Help creating an adoption plan
• Assistance finding prenatal care
• Help communicating with the baby’s father and family
• Information about adoptive families
• Help understanding the legal process
• Assistance with eligible pregnancy-related living expenses
• Support before and after placement

The exact services and expenses available vary based on your situation and your state’s adoption laws.

Parenting vs. Adoption vs. Abortion: How Do I Decide?

There isn’t a simple checklist that can tell you which pregnancy option is right for you. Your decision is personal.

One helpful approach is to consider what your life might look like after each choice.

You may find it helpful to write down your thoughts about each option. Consider not only what feels easiest today, but also what you want your life and your child’s life to look like in the future.

What If I Don’t Know Which Pregnancy Option Is Right for Me?

It’s okay not to know.

An unexpected pregnancy can make you feel like you need to make an immediate decision, but you can take time to gather information and understand your choices.

Start by confirming your pregnancy and how far along you are. If you plan to continue the pregnancy, prenatal care is important for your health and your baby’s health.

Then, learn about each of your pregnancy options from reliable sources. Consider talking with people who can listen without pressuring you toward a particular decision.

If you’re considering adoption, you can contact an adoption professional simply to ask questions. You don’t have to commit to adoption just because you contact an adoption agency.

What If I’m Considering Adoption but I’m Not Sure?

You can explore adoption without making a commitment.

An adoption coordinator can explain how adoption works, answer your questions, show you profiles of waiting adoptive families, and help you understand what an adoption plan could look like.

You can also talk about what may be worrying you. Maybe you’re concerned about:

• Whether you’ll be able to choose the adoptive parents
• Whether you’ll ever see your child again
• What your family will think
• What the baby’s father will say
• Whether you can afford to continue your pregnancy
• Whether you will regret your decision
• What happens at the hospital
• What happens after placement

These are important questions. Getting answers can help you decide based on information rather than fear.

Can I Change My Mind About Adoption?

If you’re considering adoption, it’s important to understand that an adoption plan is a process. It’s not a decision you should make under pressure.

Adoption laws and consent requirements vary by state. Before signing legal consent documents, talk with an attorney or other qualified legal professional about your rights and the laws that apply to your situation.

You can contact Lifetime Adoption to learn more about the process and discuss your situation confidentially.

You Don’t Have to Face an Unexpected Pregnancy Alone

Whatever you’re feeling right now, you don’t have to figure everything out by yourself.

Take time to learn about your pregnancy options, ask questions, and talk with people who will respect your decision.

If you’re considering adoption, Lifetime Adoption can help you understand what an adoption plan could look like, from choosing an adoptive family to creating a hospital plan and discussing post-adoption communication.

Contact Lifetime Adoption to talk confidentially with an adoption coordinator. You are not obligated to choose adoption. Call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784 to learn more.

Frequently Asked Questions About Pregnancy Options

What are the three pregnancy options?

The three main pregnancy options are parenting, abortion, and adoption. Parenting means giving birth and raising the child. Abortion ends the pregnancy through medication or a medical procedure. Adoption means giving birth and making a plan for another family to raise the child.

What should I do if I’m pregnant and don’t want to be a parent?

If you don’t feel ready to parent, you can learn about abortion and adoption in addition to considering whether parenting could become possible with additional support. Take time to understand each option and talk with a qualified healthcare professional or trusted person who will respect your decision.

Can I choose adoption if I’m already pregnant?

Yes. You can begin learning about adoption at any point during pregnancy. It may also be possible to make an adoption plan after the baby is born.

Is adoption the same as giving up my baby?

No. Adoption is a planned process in which a mother makes arrangements for another family to raise her child. In many modern adoptions, the birth mother can choose the adoptive family and decide what type of ongoing contact she would like.

Can I choose my baby’s adoptive parents?

Yes. In most private domestic adoptions, expectant mothers can review prospective adoptive family profiles and choose the family they believe is the best fit for their child.

Will I be able to see my child after adoption?

Possibly. Many adoptions today are open and include ongoing communication or visits. The type and frequency of contact can vary from one adoption to another and should be discussed as part of your adoption plan.

Does choosing adoption mean I can’t be involved in my child’s life?

Not necessarily. Open adoption can allow birth mothers to remain connected with their children through letters, pictures, phone calls, video calls, and visits, depending on the adoption arrangement.

Is it too late to consider adoption?

It’s never too late to consider adoption. You can make an adoption plan at any point during your pregnancy and after birth. Lifetime Adoption has helped many women who tried parenting before turning to adoption. You can oversee the entire adoption planning process, including deciding when you’re ready to begin.

Who can I talk to about my pregnancy options?

You can talk with a healthcare professional about your pregnancy and medical care. You may also want to talk with a trusted friend or family member, counselor, pastor, or adoption professional, depending on the options you’re considering.

If you’re considering adoption, Lifetime Adoption can answer your questions confidentially without requiring you to make a commitment.

Get Confidential Help Exploring Your Pregnancy Options

If you’re facing an unexpected pregnancy and aren’t sure what to do, you don’t have to make the decision alone.

Lifetime Adoption can help you learn about adoption, ask questions, explore your options, and understand what an adoption plan could look like.

Call or text Lifetime at 1-800-923-6784.