What’s the Best Way to Move Forward?

I’m 20 and Feel Unsure of My Future After Making an Adoption Plan for My Daughter

This can be a hard time, especially if you don’t have support from family and friends. Your feelings are real and your emotions can’t be turned off or ignored. They will come up later in life, and later might not be as good a time as now to deal with them. Believe me — you want to work through this and find support from women who can help you. There are many online support groups of other birth mothers, but this comes with a small warning—some groups are more compassionate than others—so check them out before pouring your heart out to anyone. Call us for referrals and to chat with other women that have been through adoption and have found peace and a full life after adoption: 1-800-923-6784.

Thinking about the what-if’s in life is normal and makes it harder for you. Of course, most women facing an unplanned pregnancy never thought they would be pregnant before they were ready to be a mother. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Adoption is a big decision. I speak with many women who wish they had gone through with adoption instead of exposing their children to years of poverty. Not all women can follow through with an adoption plan. This has to be your decision. It sounds as if you have done some soul searching and are still struggling with the idea of someone else being mom instead of you. This is where those dreams you had are someone else’s right now and it doesn’t always seem fair.

Have you made plans for your future? Experts agree that when a woman has a goal and a plan for her future, one that she can see herself in for the time after birth, she has some hope and direction. The pain and sadness aren’t removed, but it does help while you’re healing to be able to think about your dreams and plans. If you don’t have a plan for right after, start thinking now of what you would really like to do with your life. Maybe you want to continue your education. Visit LifetimeFoundation.org for information on birth mother college scholarships for Lifetime birth mothers.

At this website you will also find volunteer opportunities to help other women. Grace was about your age when she made an adoption plan for her son. She found that volunteering to help other women like herself, helped her heal faster and gave her a better outlook on her life and her decision. Grace worked in my office for almost a year after she placed her son. Daily she would share how she never knew helping other women and speaking to adoptive parents could be the key to her own healing.

Try to meet with a counselor to sort out your feelings. Speak with the adoptive parents, if possible. Getting to know them better might help you. Know that your choice was a sacrifice and a loving choice your child will always be proud of you for.

Take time to seek out the help and support you need. Some organizations such as Lifetime Adoption have support as part of their adoption programs. As you ask questions and seek help, you will find many people willing to help you move closer to a future you want and one your child will thank you for.

The best to you,
Mardie